


Airplanes, Beers and Dubious Protection Techniques

by poppybeatles



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Airplanes, Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dean/Cas Big Bang Challenge 2016, Doctor Castiel, Domestic Castiel/Dean Winchester, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, F/M, Fireman Dean, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Injury Recovery, M/M, Major Character Injury, Minor Violence, POV Castiel, POV Dean Winchester, Protective Dean Winchester, Romantic Comedy, Scientist Sam, Self-Esteem Issues, Sex, only a lil bit of smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-07
Updated: 2016-10-07
Packaged: 2018-08-20 02:44:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 49,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8233291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poppybeatles/pseuds/poppybeatles
Summary: 'It is a well-known fact amongst his family and friends that Dean hates flying. He appreciates the craftsmanship and the engineering that goes into airplanes. He likes the way airplanes look. Sleek, stream line. He even likes the little puffy cloud trail that the leave in the sky on cloudless days. However he hates being inside them.'When Dean Winchester decided to go visit Sam in England, he certainly didn't bet on meeting and relying on a stranger to help him through his flight. Castiel Novak was flying to England for a conference that he did not want to go to, but it accidentally becomes a trip which dramatically changes the next couple of months for him.Between airplanes, drinking beer and slightly dubious protection techniques, Castiel and Dean form a friendship and relationship that takes a series of twists and turns.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This is my entry for the DeanCas Big Bang challenge 2016. It is my first fic within the supernatural fandom, so I hope it is up to standard for the DCBB!  
> Just a couple of things that I need to mention before you can delve right into reading the fic itself. 
> 
> Firstly, I would like to mention how much I have loved taking part in this challenge. It has been so much fun, and everyone has been so friendly and helpful.  
> Secondly, I would like to say a massive thank you to my wonderfully talented artist: [pherryt](http://archiveofourown.org/users/pherryt/pseuds/pherryt) . She has been absolutely wonderful and has produced some fantastic pieces of artwork for this fic. She has been so lovely to work with so please go check her out on [ao3](http://archiveofourown.org/users/pherryt/pseuds/pherryt) and [tumblr](http://dragonpressgraphics.tumblr.com/). The [art masterpost](http://www.dragonpressgraphics.com/dcbb/dcbb.html) is also here, if anyone wants to check it out!  
> Lastly, please enjoy my fic and feel free to leave any comments or whatever! I look forward to writing more in the future, so any comments are helpful.
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading the story!  
> Thanks all :)

 

Chapter One:

It is a well-known fact amongst his family and friends that Dean hates flying. He appreciates the craftsmanship and the engineering that goes into airplanes. He likes the way airplanes look. Sleek, stream line. He even likes the little puffy cloud trail that the leave in the sky on cloudless days. However, he hates being inside them.

His Impala ’67 (known as baby) sat in the long stay airport parking. It seems almost criminal to leave it in such a dark and stuffy underground parking lot, but he didn't really have another choice. He opened the boot and dragged out the old battered suitcase and the rucksack he was using as his carry on. After slamming the boot shut and locking up, he gave one last little stroke to baby’s sleek black frame before setting off towards the airport entrance.

Dean double checked (again) that he still had his passport and boarding card as he waited in the queue to check in his suitcase. He fiddled with a thread coming from the hem on the bottom on his checked shirt. He watched the lady on the desk check each person in; she was the only one working. Dean thought she looks quite friendly and hoped that she could ease his nerves slightly. The only reason he was going through this whole _traumatic_ experience was to see a friendly face. Specifically, one certain face that he missed.

Currently Sam was in England, working in a lab studying for his PhD and had been there for a year now. Sam had said that he hasn’t been able to afford a trip back to Kansas to see Dean and his family since Christmas, and therefore is only coming back to the US again this Christmas. However, Dean had a funny feeling that Sam has been spending all of his spare money on his new girl. Which of course was fine, Sam is a fully grown man now, and any girl that Sam chooses to spend his money on is probably something special. But it meant that Dean missed him. From seeing Sam almost every day growing up, followed by seeing him everyone other weekend once Sam went to college; Dean couldn’t quite get used to not seeing him for a year. So he decided to go visit England himself. Sam had yelled with surprised when Dean told him on skype last month. And now it was really here. Dean was actually going to sit on an aeroplane for 8 hours just to see Sam.

The friendly looking lady at the check in desk called next, and Dean realised it’s his turn. He picked up his suitcase and attempted to confidently walk to the desk. She chatted to him, asking for his passport and name, where he’s going, etcetera. Dean fumbled with his passport and boarding card, and stumbled over his words as he tried to answer the questions she asked. In reality he can only think about the giant metal tube which he will probably be on in about 2 and a half hours. The lady asked him to put his bag on the scales. He lifted the suitcase up easily, knowing it won’t be anywhere near the 20kg bag allowance. As he set it down on the scale he heard a clunk. The lady looked concerned. Dean’s palms start to sweat.

“Sir, do you think you could remove your suitcase just for one minute?” Dean timidly lifted his suitcase up, wondering if maybe it was too heavy. The lady presses some buttons and worriedly looks around. There is a loud beep, followed by another clunk.

“Erm, is my suitcase okay?” Dean wondered out loud.

“Probably,” She replied, “However the scales seem to have broken, and my computer has crashed. I’m just going to get my supervisor, because I’m not sure how to fix this. I would log into another machine; however, they are all full at the minute.”

Dean nodded as she disappeared. His heart started to thud in his chest. What if this meant he couldn’t get on his plane What if his ticket accidentally got cancelled? How would he get to England? Would he be able to see Sammy?

A few minutes later a stern looking lady was following his friendly lady to the desk. ‘Naomi’ (he read the nametag of the supervisor) surveyed Dean and rolled her eyes. Dean didn’t quite understand what he had done wrong. Minutes went by as they tried to fix the stupid machine. Dean glanced behind him at the queue forming. The man at the start of the queue looked like his was trying to will the computer to work using some sort of physic ability. He caught Dean looking at him and scowled. Dean quickly looked away and realised that he had basically been holding up everyone for almost 10 minutes now. His mouth started to go dry and he just focused his thoughts on seeing Sammy again.

After what felt like a lifetime, the friendly lady asked him to put his bags back on the scales. Dean did this very gingerly this time. Thankfully, the weight flashed up in red as 10.1kg. Dean let out a sigh. A label was wrapped around the handle of his bag and it was quickly dragged away on the conveyer belt. His passport and boarding pass was handed back to him with a smile and he was directed towards security and the departures lounge. Dean gripped tightly onto his passport as he trudged toward security, and he hoped that his bad luck was going to end there.

How wrong he was.

He stood in another queue for security. When he was finally ushered forward, and put his bag, leather coat and belt in the little plastic box, things started to go wrong again. First the machine beeped as Dean walked through. The broad security guy that was watching him barked at him to take his shoes off and walk through again. Dean gulped and started to pull his shoes off. As he tugged, his elbow flew out and hit an unsuspecting man. He quickly apologised. The man grumbled at him, massaging his ribs slightly. Dean was called forward again, the machine didn’t beep, but he was beckoned to be ‘pat down’ by security. The man looked bored as he lazily ran his hands over Dean’s sleeved arms. Dean awkwardly stood there, not quite knowing where to look. He focused on the security desk where his bag was just coming out at the conveyor belt. He watched as the security staff pulled the bag to one side. He groaned inwardly knowing that would mean that it was going to be searched. Maybe Dean just looked guilty, like he had something to hide.

A panicked thought crossed his mind. Maybe he had accidentally packed his pen knife? He usually carried it everywhere. Dean was sure he removed it, but maybe it snuck back in somehow. Would he be arrested? You hear of horror stories of people putting drugs and stuff in passenger’s bags. Maybe someone had done that? How would he ever go see Sammy then?

Once the man had finished patting Dean down, he rushed over. The lady asked him if he could search his bag. Dean realised it wasn’t a question. He nodded and watched as his belongings started to be unpacked for the world and his wife to see. His phone, his wallet, a couple of books (Vonnegut), a magazine (on classic cars), a slightly old looking mp3 player, a tangle of headphones, a packet of liquorice, a few condoms (Dean blushed), and finally an assortment of wrappers and receipts that. He woman, apparently satisfied that Dean wasn’t taking anything untoward onto the aeroplane, allowed Dean to pack his bag up again.

He did this, and pulled his shoes and belt back on. He was feeling warm at this point and decided to just carry the leather jacket, now regretting bringing it. Sam had said that is was fairly cold in England in late September, but apparently a leather jacket, a shirt and his battered ACDC t-shirt was slightly too warm for the Kansas airport. Dean was aware that his palms were sweaty and his heart seemed to be beating a lot quicker than he was used to.

Wondering what he was supposed to do now, he trudged through the airport, looking for some sort of food place that he recognized. He just wanted a coffee. Yes, a coffee would make him function better. Clear his head. He recognized the Starbucks logo and walked into the coffee shop. The back wall showed a load of girly variations of coffee that he didn’t appreciate. He just liked a plain black coffee. No trimmings, no sugar, no milk. How men should have it, Dean reckoned. After ordering, and fumbling with his wallet, he paid for his coffee. He went to pick it up, and just as he did that, Dean’s rucksack bumped ungracefully into the counter, which knocked him unbalanced. The coffee tripped precariously in his hand, and the hot liquid sloshed onto his hand and shirt sleeve. He cursed. Many pairs of beady eyes turned to focus and glare at him. He angrily grabbed some paper napkins and mopped up the mess. He then picked up the less than full cup of coffee quickly headed out.

The number of his gates blinked up on the large black screen in the airport waiting area. Dean down the last dregs of his coffee, but he still didn’t feel very at ease. He now felt queasy, and could feel the coffee sloshing around in it. The short brown hairs on the back of his neck were standing up. Dean rubbed a hand over them; aggressively attempting to calm himself down. He knew logically that was never going to happen, he might as well just accept that he wasn’t going to feel great for the upcoming hours, and that as soon as he got onto the plane, he would be able to have a drink. Hopefully he would be able to drink enough to pass out, and not throw up in the process.

He made his way to the gate, and saw that many people were already there. Few seats were left, but Dean found one and sat down, patiently waiting for his flight to be called through.

He placed his bags on the floor between his feet and retrieved his phone. The picture flashed up as him a Sammy. It made him smirk, as he had Sam (a 6 foot 4 grown man) in a head lock. But they were both still grinning like idiots in it. A copious amount of alcohol had been drunk that night, as it was the night when Sam had found out he had managed to get funding to go do his PhD in a very fancy lab with a very well-known professor in England. Dean couldn’t have been prouder. Granted, it was a bummer that Sam would have to work in England for the next 3 years minimum: however, it was an opportunity that he couldn’t pass up. Even when they were growing up, Dean knew that Sam’s curious mind, ability to work hard and kind personality was going to make him extremely talented and successful in anything at he did. Sam proved this by getting perfect grades in school, followed by a full scholarship to Stanford, followed by graduating with summa cum laude, and then followed by funding for his PhD. Dean didn’t doubt Sam could do any of this for a second. He didn’t doubt that he would go on to achieve more, like finding a cure for cancer, or raising his own little Einstein’s. 

Dean unlocked his phone and refreshed his emails, checking that he didn’t need to see or do something important before he was going to be stranded in a giant tin can for 8 hours. He sent a quick message to Sam, letting him know when he was going to be there and that he was currently in the airport. A few minutes later Sam replied with:

“Dean, you have told me every day this week when your flight it getting in. I know when it is. And I hope you are having fun at the airport haha. Probably best to get on the plane asap and start drinking. I am still shocked that you are willing to put your life into the pilot’s hands. Just don’t think about it crashing ;P Haha”.  
  
“Shut up.” Dean replied. It was quickly followed by Sam messaging, “Bitch”. Which the only response Dean could reply to that was “Jerk”.

It slowly edged closer to the time when they would be called to start boarding the plane. As the seconds ticked by in a steady beat, Dean’s heart got fractionally faster. He ran his hands together, cracking his knuckles softly every couple of times. He looked out the large floor length windows than ran down one side on the room and saw the airplane that he assumed he was supposed to get on. How the hell was that thing supposed to carry everyone? A huge hunk of metal. That is what was sitting there. And it was going to be filled with people and luggage, and then casually flown over the ocean. Dean rubbed a hand over his cheek, feeling the rough and slightly stubbled face under his palm.

Finally, the announcement came that they were allowing people to board. Dean jumped up and swung his rack sack onto his back. He headed toward the queue that was beginning to form. He had to force himself to get on the plane as soon as he could, otherwise he would have backed out and just stayed sitting in the airport all night.

The air hostesses quickly checked passports and boarding passes, and the line in front of him became shorter. Dean shrugged his bag to the front of him, and dipped his hand into the front pocked to retrieve his passport and boarding card.

It was empty.

With shaking hands, he unzipped the larger compartment, hoping that he had placed it in that one by mistake. He ruffled through his belongings, unfortunately with no success. That is when the real panic started to flood him. By this point he was at the front of the queue and the staff were patiently waiting. Dean checked again. What if someone had stolen it? Dean wouldn’t be let on the plane without it. Although that would be a small mercy, it would mean that he wouldn’t get to see Sammy. And he would lose the ticket that he spent quite a bit of his savings on. He wiped the sweat off his brow, and apologised to the air hostesses as he stepped out the queue to go look for his passport.

As he did this, a man stepped towards him. He had a lopsided smile on his face, and was dressed like an accountant. But the thing that Dean noticed first was the same thing that made his heart skip a beat. The man was holding his passport.

 

 


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter Two:

 

Castiel wondered who the idiot standing at the checkout was. He has been taking up the desk for almost 10 minutes now, and Castiel had been patiently waiting the entire time at the front of the queue. As soon as this man moved out the way it would be his turn. And then he could settle down in the departure lounge with his book, and relax until his gate was called. He did not plan to be stuck waiting in a queue.

Castiel checked his phone, and brought up his emails. He double checked the email explaining about his conference that he was going to attend in England. Once he got to England, he would go check into his hotel and attempt to fall asleep straight away to combat jet lag. Then, the next day, he would be sight-seeing. Then the day after would be the first official day of the conference. However, he wouldn’t speak that day, just watch a couple of different speakers, and meet up with some colleagues.  The next day was the first day he would speak.

Castiel was slightly worried about that. He was mainly an ER doctor. That was his passion, and the thing he enjoyed doing. However, he had been offered a short residency in a research laboratory a few years ago by his brother, Gabriel. Castiel had just expected to learn a few new techniques, and expand his scientific knowledge further to help him. He had not expected that him and another colleague, Balthazar, would end up doing research into IPS cells in brain injuries. Furthermore, it was even less expected that this research was then going to be branded as revolutionary, and by the way people talked, it was the next best thing after sliced bread.

It meant that Castiel now had to attend different conferences around the world, explaining to people about this new research that had the potential to save people’s lives. As a humble man, Castiel didn’t really like doing this much. It made him nervous to explain his study to famous scientists and doctors over the world. But even he could just about admit to himself that it had even made a difference in the area of science. It was proving to be extremely ground breaking research, which had lead onto hundreds of other scientists to do other research projects surrounding his work. Obviously, the effect in patients hadn’t quite been proven yet, everyone knew research and development of any drug or therapy took years, however the first signs of his research in brain injury therapy was looking extremely successful. However, even though it was an area of science which he helped move forward, he still didn’t really want to do a presentation about it.

Castiel looked up. He finally saw the guy in front of him place his baggage on the scales, and he watched it being whisked away on the conveyer belt. Castiel send a silent prayer up to the heavens that things were going to run smoothly from now on.

It almost did.

He headed off to security. Castiel sighed inwardly as he replies that he had managed to be in a queue behind that man at check in again. He waited patiently behind this man. The man was fiddling with the straps on his bag, and kept checking that he had his passport, which hadn’t moved from his hand. It was rather endearing in a way.

The man in front of him got called forward, and he hurriedly placed his coat and bag in the tray. Castiel watched as he then attempted to confidently strut through the metal detector arch way. It beeped. Castiel sniggered. The man sheepishly walked back and started to tug off his heavy brown boots. With one tug the man’s arm flew back as Castiel was placing his bag in the tray next to him. The man’s elbow caught him straight in his ribs.

Castiel yet out a quiet yelp of pain mixed with surprise. The man glanced at him, horrified and started to blush. Castiel took pity on his, and held up a hand, showing that he was fine. The man turned away and took his other shoe off before walking away. Castiel massaged his ribs where he man had caught him, wondering if it would leave a bruise.

He got through security (after the rib incident) fairly smoothly. He headed over to a coffee chain and ordered a cappuccino to sit in with. Castiel retrieved a book from his bag and settled down into an arm chair to wait for his gate to be called.

In general, he liked airports. There was something about them that he found very relaxing. He could feel so small and insignificant in them. No one cared who Castiel was. It was just another dot in a crowd of faces that passed through every day. It almost comforted Castiel that he could just disappear in the crowds. He wished that he could do that whenever. It would be perfect in those conferences especially. He just wanted to sit and watch the speakers usually. He just wanted to listen to the science. But before and after every lecturer someone would usually recognise him, and decide they wanted to pick his brain.

Castiel glanced up, hearing a slight commotion at the coffee counter. The man from check out queue and security desk was there, pressing a load of napkins to his hand and plaid sleeve. It looked like the man had spilt his coffee over himself. A pang of pity washed over Castiel, until he remembered that this was the same man who elbowed him in the ribs. He rolled his eyes and looked back at his book and started to read.

A short while late, the gate opening for his flight was announced over the tannoy. Castiel picked up his belongings and started to make his way to the gate. He had finished his coffee a while ago, but started to miss the bitter wash of it. He wondered if he should maybe get another one before he boarded his flight. Although that might mean that he wouldn’t be able to sleep on the airplane, so perhaps it wasn’t the best idea.

He sat back down on the seats by his gate, and waited again for boarding. This time Castiel just got his phone out and double checked his emails. Nothing new had arrived. Except one from his dear brother wishing him luck for the conference with a slightly pornographic image. He quickly deleted it, and checked around him to make sure no one had seen. Fortunately, no one had.

Eventually it was announced that the flight could now be boarded. Castiel decided to wait for the first rush of people to get onto the aeroplane. He had his seat booked, and preferred to avoid everyone else before he had to. He stood up slowly and stretched his legs. He double checked his bags were secure and that he had everything. He turned his phone off and checked that the initial rush of people had passed. He picked up his bag and coat and started to make his way to the queue.

Something caught his eye.

He turned around and looked to the floor. Just under a chair he could see a passport. There was no one else apart from Castiel near the area, so he presumed that someone had dropped it. He approached the passport and picked it up timidly. He looked around again to see if anyone was returning for it; no one was. He planned to take it to the air hostesses that were now at the desk managing the queue. Out of curiosity, Castiel quickly opened the passport to see the image in the back.

It was a man, the name stated that is was ‘Dean Jonathon Winchester’. Castiel noted that the man in the picture looked quite handsome, which was unusual for a passport photo. The man in the photo was frowning slightly, as if he were annoyed at the person who took the image. Castiel admired his eyes. Even in the photo if felt like they were looking straight at him. He wondered what colour they were. He couldn’t quite tell.

Castiel closed the passport and looked around him, checking to see if he could recognise ‘Dean’ at all. He thought that he slightly recognised the man, Castiel had probably seen him around the airport. He started to head toward the desk. That’s when he saw a panicked looking man that was desperately searching his bag as he apologised to the lady on the desk, who was looking impatiently at him. Castiel almost laughed out loud when he realised who it was. It was the man who had held up the check in queue, elbowed him, and had spilt his coffee. 

The man looked up, and Castiel glanced at his face. With a tiny spark of excitement, it dawned on him that it was his ‘Dean Winchester’. The man turned back around to apologise to the lady on the desk and started to move away from the queue. Castiel stepped forward, just as the man (Dean?) turned back around. It meant that Castiel and the other man were standing facing each other.

Castiel fumbled with the passport he found, but after a few second, he just held the passport out in front of him. It dawned on the man what Castiel had done. His face lit up in relief and joy.

“I think this is yours.” Castiel stated. He cleared his throat and continued. “I found it on the floor over there. I figured you may need it.”

“Yes! I… that’s mine. Shit thanks!” Dean babbled as he took back his passport. All his features started to relax slightly and Castiel could now see the colour of his eyes.

Green.

He smiled to himself. The man may have been acting like a nervous idiot all day, but at least he was a handsome nervous idiot. He pushed the thought to the back of his mind.

“I guess I have to go to the back of the queue now.” Dean pondered out loud. Castiel smiled in agreement, and followed Dean. They stood together in a comfortable silence. Dean had a very tight grip on his passport.

They got to the front of the queue, and were both let through. As they started to board the plane, Castiel noticed Dean’s body language changed significantly. His step started to become halted as he climbed up the stairs towards the doors. Every muscle in his body appeared to be tensing. His brow became furrowed and shiny; Dean used the back of his sleeve to wipe his face before stepping onto the plane. Castiel felt sorry for the man, he obviously wasn’t a comfortable flyer. As they got onto the plane he was Dean wonder off to find his seat, but Castiel became stuck behind a family trying to put their bags away.

He waited patiently, and then made his was to his seat.

He stopped next to his seat. Castiel had booked the aisle seat, as he liked to be able to get up on his flight. There was already a man sitting by the window, and Castiel almost laughed out loud when he realised who it was.

He was going to be sitting next to Dean for the next 8 hours.


	3. Chapter Three

 Chapter Three:

 

Castiel awkwardly said hello to Dean who was sat in the seat closest to the window. Castiel fished his conference summaries from his bag, as well as a few hard candies out his bag before lifting it up into the overhead lockers. He took his long trench coat off also and folded it neatly under the chair in front of him. He had a tendency to get cold on flights, therefore always kept his coat out to use as a blanket. Taking a seat, he cast another look at Dean, who now seemed to be having a staring contest with the back of the head rest in front of him. With a sinking feeling, Castiel realised that he was going to be sitting next to a nervous flyer for the next eight hours.

Before trying to get comfortable, Castiel decided that it would probably be best to befriend the guy rather than ignore him. If could probably do with a friendly face making small talk to distract the man from his apparent fear.

He cleared his throat.

“Hello,” Castiel started. “I don’t think I got your name earlier. I’m Castiel.” He held out his hand to Dean, who looked up and shook it.

“Oh yeah. Sorry. Dean.” The man stuttered as he looked at Castiel. “I mean, I’m Dean. Thanks for picking up my passport earlier for me.”

Castiel smiled slightly, as he saw the man’s shoulders sink and relax slightly as he started talking. Castiel was correct earlier when he observed the man was handsome; he definitely was. Dean had a stereotypical prettiness to his face which was comparable to old fashioned movie stars. However, the sharpness of his jaw and intensity of his stare brought his whole face together into something much stronger and much more handsome. Castiel hardly dared himself to look at his lips for fear of wanting to push his against Dean’s.

“That was no problem.” Castiel replied. He couldn’t think of much else to say. Dean returned to staring at nothing, so Castiel retrieved his phone from his pocket and checked it and his emails one last time.

After a few minutes, the view from the window started to change. He was glad, as once they were in flight Castiel usually felt much more comfortable. When they were high in the air, as long as he kept to the aeroplane rules, no one really cared what he did. Castiel could watch films, eat, drink, read, even talk a walk. But at this stage, before take-off he just had to sit and wait. He was more bored than anything.

Dean was now staring out the window. Castiel couldn’t see his face, but he imagined that it would have been a vision of stress and tension. He glanced down at Dean’s hands. One was gripped tightly to the arm rest furthest away from Castiel, and the other fist was balled up tightly in his lap. Castiel noticed that there seemed to be faint scars across the top of some of his knuckled. He wondered where they were from.

The airhostesses started the safety demonstration. They followed the routine whilst keeping perfect relaxed smiles on their faces. Out the corner of his eye he watched Dean listen intently to them. He must have been the only passenger on the plane to read the laminated safety card when they were told to.

As the plane aligned with the run way, and the engines started to fire up, he saw the colour of Dean’s face turn a worrying shade of grey. Castiel opened the packed of the hard mint candy that he usually sucked on to avoid his ears popping too much on take-off. It was also slightly refreshing. He gingerly touched Dean’s upper arm. Dean jumped at the light touch, and looked at Castiel.

“I thought you might want some candy.” Castiel offered the pack to him. “They’re mint flavoured. Will help with your ears popping.”

Dean frowned at the packet. He then looked up at him. Castiel suddenly wondered if this was a normal thing to do. It probably wasn’t. But when did he ever do the normal thing. Castiel took one out the packet and unwrapped it with one hand and popped it into his own mouth. He shook the packet, trying to entice Dean to take one. Dean’s forehead was still crinkled slightly, however after a few seconds he simply took one and shrugged. He muttered thanks before eating his own mint.

“If you want another, or like my sick bag or anything just nudge me.” Castiel tried to smile reassuringly. Dean nodded. The edge of his mouth drawing upwards slightly into a small smile as he resumed his previous position. Castiel was pleased that he seemed slightly more relaxed this time. Although Castiel hadn’t expected that he would have to offer an attractive man a sick bag.

The airplane started to move and gather speed. Castiel leaned back in his seat and popped another candy in his mouth. The minty flavour flooded his mouth as the plane made the tell-tale lurch of it leaving the runway. The anxiety ebbing of Dean was almost palpable in the air, and he could see Dean gripping onto the armrests. A few minutes’ past and Castiel leaned down and helped himself to another candy. He offered the packet again to Dean. A shaking hand reached out took one. Castiel leaned back again and waited for the seatbelt signs to be removed.

A short while later they were. Castiel fished out the conference summaries that he had set aside and started to lazily flick through them. He familiarised himself with the timetable of the conference, and who was going to be speaking. He took a pen out from his trouser pocket and started to circle talks that he was interested in going to.

Dean grunted next to him. Castiel looked up to him to find that he was peering over his shoulder. Dean appeared to be reading Castiel’s conference summary with him.

“That science shit?” Dean asked when he saw Castiel was looking at him quizzically.

“By science shit, do you mean the timetable of the conference that I am currently looking at?” Castiel replied bluntly.

“Yeah what you said. Sammy, my brother, does science stuff. I recognised some of the words and logos.” Dean gestured at the document. “That what you do?”

“What?”

“Science stuff? Are you a scientist?”

“No.”

“Oh.” Dean replied disappointedly. They sat in silence for a few seconds. Castiel started to go back to looking through the different summaries of the talks that he was planning to attend. Just as he started again, Dean piped up.

“Then what do you do?” Dean asked pointedly. Castiel sighed inwardly and carefully slotted the papers away.

“I’m an ER doctor. I’m only attending this conference as I was invited to do a talk on some research I did a few years ago.”

“Doctor Castiel.” Dean hummed in approval of his answer. Castiel smiled at the way his name rolled off his tongue.

“So Dean, what do you do?” Castiel enquired back. It was only polite to of course. He definitely didn’t just want to continue talking to the attractive (and less nervous looking) man.

“Me?” Dean paused to look at Castiel. “I’m a fireman.” He replied, a slight hint of pride in his voice, which was similar, although less pronounced, to the tone he used when he mentioned his brother.

“Ah fireman Dean.” Castiel mocked him slightly and gave a small smile to Dean, who laughed back.

“See we don’t even know each other and we team up well. I save the people; you fix ‘em up. Might have seen you around even. Probably not though, I think I would have remembered a face like yours.” Dean smiled cheekily at Castiel. Their eyes met for a second, then Dean turned away and started to fiddle with a music player that he had fished out his pocket.

Was that a flirtatious move, Castiel wondered. People had apparently flirted with him before, not that Castiel had even taken much notice. Castiel tried to recall someone as attractive as Dean flirting with him. Maybe they had, and Castiel hadn’t noticed it. Or maybe Dean was just being friendly? That was a certain possibility. The more likely possibility.

Castiel decided that now Dean was listening to music, it would be a good opportunity to start reading the book he brought for the plane. He stood up and retrieved it from his bag in the overhead compartments. Castiel sat down and started to read.

After about half an hour, the airhostesses started to wheel their trollies down the isles offering people drinks. As the lady came approached theirs, Dean nudged Castiel.

“Dude, let me buy you a drink or something. For rescuing my passport and stopping me from freaking too much on take-off.” Dean offered. “I’m getting a whiskey if they have one. It’ll calm my nerves. Have anything you like though.”

“Erm thank you but…”

“Please. Just let me get you something.” Dean carefully demanded. Castiel felt a hint of a blush rise into his cheeks as Dean looked intently at him. Castiel gave a small accepting nod. “Great. What would you like?”

“I’ll have a whiskey too please.” Castiel replied quietly. Dean said this order to the airhostess and handed the money over.

A tiny bottle of whisky each was placed in front of Dean and Castiel. Dean swiftly opened his and poured it into the plastic cup that they had been given. Castiel copied his movement, and they both took a sip from their respective glasses.

“So Cas,” Dean mulled as he swirled the liquid around the cup. “Cliché question, but why did you want to become a doctor?”

“Cliché answer. Same reason most people want to be a Doctor. Want to help people, make the world a better place, save lives. Etcetera.”

“I don’t think I believe you.” Dean teased knowingly back. Castiel didn’t reply. “You see Cas; I think those answers are probably truthful. But as you said, it’s a cliché answer. Everyone has those answers. You’d be stupid if you didn’t have those answer and wanted to become a doctor.”

Castiel tilted his head at Dean and frowned. Dean lifted the rest of the whiskey to his lips and drained the glass.

“Okay I’ll explain further.” Dean continued. “Ask me why I wanted to be a fireman.”

“Why did you want to be a fireman?” Castiel was puzzled.

“Cliché answer Cas. Want to help people, make the world a better place, save lives. Etcetera.” He mocked. “However Castiel, the real reason why swayed me toward this was because when I was a child there was a fire in my house, and if the firemen didn’t turn up quite as soon as they did my life would have been very different. And that’s really why I became a fireman.”

“What happened, the fire I mean?” Castiel questioned. This man was curious. Everything that he said made Castiel want to hear more. Just the way his lips formed words was captivating.

“I’ll tell you more if you tell me your real reason.” Dean challenged. He looked Castiel straight in the eye, a small smile toying on his face. Castiel turned away. He wasn’t sure if a man he met only an hour or so ago really wanted to listen to him.

“Well, I guess it’s a similar answer. When I was a teenager something happened and I wouldn’t be alive without the ER doctors. Before then, I was set on following the same footsteps as my brother. I was going to become some sort of biologist, but it just changed my mind I guess.” Castiel didn’t look up from his lap whilst he spoke. When he did lift his head he saw Dean looking at him with a very satisfied look on his face.

Dean nodded, as if he had accepted Castiel’s answer.

“A doctor and biologist as the family kids. Impressive. You must be such nerds.” Dean snorted.

“Yes well. I won’t mention my other two siblings.”

“There’s four of you?”

“Yes.”

“What do they do? One an astronaut and the other a mad professor?”

“No.” Castiel smirked at Dean’s presumptive tone. “One is in jail, and my little sister is trying to become an actress.” He laughed when he saw Dean’s surprised expression.

“Guess you just got the nerd gene then.” Dean retorted.

“How about you? Just got the one brother?” Castiel asked, changing the topic swiftly away from his family.

“Yeah, just me and Sammy.”

He watched as Dean’s face soften on the mentioning of his brother. It made his features look touchable. The harsh lines blended in together, and seemed to form curves that made his face look all together prettier. Castiel tried not to stare too much. Dean turned his head to face him. Castiel was already looking at him, and was too slow to turn away. In reality, it was fortunate for Castiel as he managed to get a good look at Dean’s eyes. At first glance from a distance in bad lighting, one may have presumed they were a light brown. But as Castiel saw in the airport, they were definitely green. The lighting on the plane helped magnify this greenness. They were almost olive coloured. Except unlike olives, they were very bright, and ordained with gold flecks.

Realising that he had been staring for too long, Castiel turned away, and finished the rest of his whiskey. The liquid burned his throat, and settled in his stomach. It ebbed the warming feeling that Castiel wasn’t really used to. However, he felt quite content to have had it, and it was brought by Dean. He felt quite content in general that he was on this plane next to Dean. If the first hour of the flight was anything to go by, then the next seven or so were going to be very pleasant indeed.

 


	4. Chapter Four

 

Chapter Four:

Dean was extremely thankful for the man sitting next to him. He felt as if Cas was his guardian angel sent from heaven to protect him for airplanes. Unrealistic, yes, however Dean did not care. First Cas found his passport, then Cas somehow managed to calm him down on take-off, and now Cas was distracting him from thinking about being stuck inside a giant metal coffin. He found him easy to talk with. Cas was a little blunt in his answers, as if Dean was bothering him, but he was careful with his words and his answers seemed somewhat innocent. Dean found it amusing, and interesting. The way Cas looked at him also was amusing. Every time Dean made eye contact with him, Cas’s brow would furrow and a rosy tinge would appear on his cheeks.

It was now a couple of hours into the flight. The first round of plane food was served. Dean wolfed it down, no turning down the opportunity of food. He didn’t care that the rice was soggy, and that the chicken was so overcooked that it stuck to the roof of his mouth. Food was food. He smirked at Cas poked around his own plate, taking up small scoops of the rice and chicken at the same time. With every bite, the corners of his mouth turned own slightly so that by the time Cas had eaten half his meal, he was frowning at his food. He pushed the rest of his uneaten meal away from his and retrieved a book from his bag.

“You finishing that?” Dean asked hopefully. He wasn’t going to let ‘good’ food go to waste.

“No.” Cas replied without looking up from his book. “Would you like it?”

“Please.”

Cas picked up his tray and slotted it onto Dean’s. As Dean started to eat again, Cas folded up the lap tray into the chair, and pulled out his trench coat from under the chair. He tucked it around his legs forming a beige blanket. He looked rather comfortable.

After Dean finished Cas’s food and the trays were collected, he got some headphones out his bag and plugged them him. He flicked through the range of movies that the aeroplane offered. He settled on The Avengers. He had seen it before, however if thought that watching the same film might send him to sleep. And then the flight would be over faster. Granted it would mean less time talking to Cas. However, Cas, being the nerd that he was, seemed to be engrossed in a book. Dean started to play the film.

He settled into the seat and rather than watching the film, he watched Cas out the corner of his eye. As Cas read each page of the book, he thumbed corners of the front cover slightly. If created a worn dog-eared effect, and made it look well used. His hands looked quite soft and unblemished, unlike Dean’s hands. Cas had fairly long fingers which delicately turned the page of the book. Dean wondered if his hands were bigger than Cas’s. They were certainly bulkier; his fingers were shorter and thicker, and his palms larger. However, in total Dean reasoned they were a similar size. Just Cas’s were much prettier.

Dean stared back at the movie. Some sort of deep discussion between the characters was occurring. He didn’t particularly care what was going on. He dulled the sound, so it was background noise, and closed his eyes.

-

The first thing he was aware of was that he felt warm. It was nice to be close to someone. Dean hadn’t felt that for a long time, not since his last relationship. Presumptively he’d brought another girl home or something. He sighed and turned his head to nuzzle into her. A scratchy fabric brushed across his cheeks, and he was met with the scent mans deodorant. Not the fake floral stuff that he usually smelt on girls. Dean sleepily opened his eyes to have a look at who it was.

And then it dawned on him.

He wasn’t in bed. He wasn’t waking up from a night out. He wasn’t with a girl. He was sitting on an airplane, and somehow had managed to snuggle into Cas’s shoulder and had definitely drooled over Cas’s shirt whilst being asleep.

“Shit!” Dean exclaimed, as he jumped back, attempting to detangle his arm from Cas’s coat. It seemed to have wrapped around Cas’s body. “Dude, I’m so sorry! You should have woken me!”

“It was no problem.” Cas smiled lazily at him, and turned the page of his book. Dean noted that he was already a good half way through it. Cas must be a fast reader.

“No, I’m really sorry. I just… I fell asleep and..” Dean pushed a hand through his hair. He felt weird. It was really stupid of him to fall asleep on a stranger’s shoulder. At the same time however, he still felt incredibly cosy from the nap he had.

“Honestly Dean it is fine. You only fell onto my shoulder an hour or so ago. And I decided that it was probably best to let you sleep.”

“Wait. How long was I asleep?”

“I’m not sure. We only have about an hour flight time left though.”

“What?” Dean was confused. Not only had be managed to get a comfortable sleep, but he had managed to sleep pretty much through the entire flight. “Well then. I guess thank you for being such a great pillow?”

“You are very welcome.” Cas’s deep voice rumbled with slight pride which made Dean smirk.

Dean got up, and squeezed past Cas to head to the restroom. He fished his tooth brush and deodorant out his case and freshened up. By the time he had got back, Cas had packed away the trench coat/blanket, and placed a bookmark in his book. He stood up and let Dean slide back into his seat. Cas didn’t immediately return to his seat, and instead did a massive stretch. Out the corner of Dean’s eye, he spotted Cas’s hip bones as Cas stretched upwards.

Something inside Dean twitched. The deep groove in his skin pointed downwards. Dean let his eyes follow the trail and let his eyes rest briefly on Cas’s crotch, hoping that Cas didn’t notice this. Dean smiled smugly to himself as Cas sat down. He felt in fairly good spirits. He had a longer sleep on an airplane than he had most normal nights, and had avoided all the stress from the aeroplane.

“Cas, did I miss dinner?” Dean turned to Cas and asked as his stomach rumbled.

“Yes. I saved you a bread roll. However, you did have yours and my dinner earlier.” Cas produced a bread roll. “How an earth are you still hungry?”

“Dude, I don’t miss meals.” Dean said as he stuffed his mouth with bread roll. Cas grimaced slightly at him.

“I’m sure if you asked nicely to the air hostess they might bring something over for you.”

“Good point.” Dean stood up awkwardly in his seat to see if any air hostesses were around. They weren’t. He sat down. As soon as he did the plane lurched, causing Dean and Cas to be thrown back in their seats slightly. The seat belt signs immediately pinged on.

“Hello, this is your pilot speaking again. We are going to be experiencing some turbulence for a while as we make our decent towards England. If you need anything, you may press your call button above you to call one of the staff on board today. Thank you.” A man’s voice echoed out over the speakers.

Dean fumbled with his belt buckle. He tried to click it into place, but missed a number of times. The air hostesses started walking down the aisles quickly to make sure everyone had been buckled in, and they were handing out extra paper bags. Dean was frozen in his seat, and was very glad when Cas grabbed some extra bags and tucked them in front of Dean.

He could feel his blood pumping through his body. Electricity ran over his skin making all his hairs stand on end. The plane jolted for a second time, this time shaking them sideways and back. Dean grabbed tightly onto the arm rests, which was slightly more difficult than expected seeing as his palms were so sweaty. This was it. He wasn’t going to see Sammy again. Would they ever find his body? Dean wasn’t sure if they were over land yet. Although it probably didn’t matter if they were. As the plane was going down it would probably explode or burst into flames. That would be ironic. Dying in a fire now. A fireman dies in a fire. May probably even make the local news.

The plane plummeted for a few seconds, before throwing all its passengers up and down again. Dean groaned.

“Dean.” He heard Cas’s voice. It was deep, and he sounded sexy. “Dean, it’s okay. You are safe right now. We will land, and you will get to see Sammy.”

“Sam.” Dean corrected with a groan. “I’m only allowed to call him Sammy.”

“Okay. You’ll get to see Sam. This is only turbulence. The plane is going through clouds. England has bad weather right?” Cas comforted. Dean wasn’t sure how much he believed him.

Instead he just screwed his eyes closed. Turbulence hit the plane again. His heart was racing. He partly wished he could just sleep through this entire thing. Why did he have to wake up on the worst part of the plane journey? It would have been better just to sleep through this bit, and spend the rest of the flight just listening to Cas. He started to become unaware of his surroundings. The baby crying dimmed out. The smell of slightly over cooked chicken was gone. The cool breeze from the air con was no longer. All he could feel or focus on was his heart beating, and how it was getting louder and faster.

A hand grabbed onto his. It was soft and strong, and lay there onto of Dean’s for a few seconds. Without thinking, Dean twisted his hand around to a comfortable position so that he was holding the hand. He felt a small reassuring squeeze. He squeezed back. The thumb of the hand lay above his, and started moving across his skin in small repetitive circles. Dean became aware that his is what his Mom used to do to him when he had a nightmare as a child. It’s what he used to do to Sammy when Sammy had nightmares.

They stayed like this for an unknown period.

One by one, Dean’s senses started to return. He could feel his hair moving slightly from the cool breeze. The annoying child was still whimpering a couple of seats behind them. He could smell mint now. Like the mints that Cas had given him. He knew he was holding Cas’s hand. He didn’t really care; it was the only thing that was grounding him to the universe. He did know what he was gripping tightly to his hand, so Dean decided to loosen his grip slightly. He found it comforting that Cas still held on; he didn’t slip his hand away.

The airplane was no longer throwing them in all directions. He slowly opened his eyes to the bright artificial light, and looked out the window. He continued to hold onto Cas’s hand as he looked out. He realised that the ground below them was close, and rapidly approaching. Although he was thankful that they were landing, he also hated this part. He whipped his head around to Cas, who was looking calmly at the seat in front. Dean squeezed his hand, and he turned to look at him.

Cas’s face changed from very calm, to calm and slightly worried.

“Hey are you okay?” Cas asked quietly.

“Um..” Dean started. “Man, I’m so sorry about this. But if we are about to land, do you mind…” Dean trailed off as Cas smiled at him.

“Keep holding or let go?” Cas offered.

“Keep.” Dean quickly said. With a small smile, Cas gave him hand a little squeeze and kept it there.

Dean quickly shut his eyes again and waited for the tell-tale bump for the plane to land. After a sort while it did and there were a few cheers from people on the plane. Dean was cheering inside and he let out a slow breath. He did it. He flew to England. He was in England! He’d never been abroad before. The fear slowly was replaced with bubbling excitement and anticipation.

As he looked out the window, he did feel a little disappointed, as it was raining. Hardly the holiday setting.

“Dean?” Cas said next to him. He realised that he was still holding Cas’s hand. His palm was slightly sweaty now, and he sheepishly removed it.

“Cas you saved my ass back there.” Dean said thankfully, whilst laughing slightly at his own rhyme. “Seriously, dude, I think don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t…” He gestured at his hand. Cas gave a short gruff laugh.

“It was no problem Dean.” He replied. They held each other’s gaze for a few seconds.

“Anyway.” Dean decided to revert back to humour, “I bet single men and women are always trying to hold your hands. It was my honour to have mine held by yours.” He teased.

Cas squinted slightly confusedly at him before he understood what Dean had said. He squint was then followed by a blush and grin. Dean decided it was the best smile he had seen from anyone for a long time. And it was even better that it was because of him.


	5. Chapter Five

Chapter Five:

Castiel could still feel the warmth in his cheeks and chest even after he got off the plane with Dean. He had decided that it was one of his top 5 plane journeys. Perhaps even stole the number one spot over the time when he joined the mile-high club. He had found Dean interesting to talk to. He was slightly irritating, and yet Castiel found him amusing. And he obviously had a softer side to the tough exterior. The way he spoke about his brother made this obvious. Embarrassing as it was for Dean, Castiel was secretly glad he had fallen asleep on him. At first Dean’s head had just lolled onto his shoulder slightly. As the flight progressed, it became a full on snuggle. Castiel hadn’t had that much human contact in a long time. And he weirdly liked it. It was strange that he would be leaving this man now.

“So Cas,” they stood in the queue together, “Where you heading off to in England then? You staying in London?”

“I am but only for the night. I will then head to Cambridge for conference that I am attending.” Castiel replied.

“Cambridge? That’s where Sam studies. Where I’ll be staying. You been before?”

“Only once. Gabriel and I have spoken at this conference before.”

“Gabriel?” Dean mocked. “Like the angel Gabriel? Who visited Mary?”

“Well obviously it’s not him. But yes. They share a name.” Castiel explained quickly with a sigh. “We all do.”

“You all what?”

“Share a name with angels.” Castiel quietly muttered. It was a weird family thing that his mother had done. He hated explaining it to strangers usually, and would never divulge that piece of information to anyone.

“So there is an angel Castiel?” Dean chucked to himself slightly.

“Well technically no.” Dean looked at him quizzically. “There is an angel named Cassiel, so without the t. My father has awful handwriting. They read it wrong on the birth certificate and it stuck.”

“Well I prefer Castiel over Cassiel. Sounds nicer.” Dean commented with a short laugh. “So there is the angel Gabriel, the angel Castiel not Cassiel. Who else?”

“Lucifer and Anael.” Castiel quickly said, hoping that Dean wouldn’t pick up on his brother’s name.

“Did you just say Lucifer?”

“He goes by Luke. And Anael goes by Anna. Only Gabriel and I kept our original names. Although I don’t really blame Luke for changing it.” Castiel tried to sound as casual as possible.

“Um Cas…”

“Yes Dean?”

“Didn’t you say one of your brothers was in jail?”

“Lets just say Luke lived up to him name.”

“Wow.” Dean looked at him, his face a mixture of shock and wonder. “I didn’t even know Lucifer was an angel.”

“It’s said that he was.” Castiel replied.

“I always thought Dean was a fairly unusual name. Especially with my parents being called John and Mary, and Sam as a brother. Your family definitely win on weird names.” Dean teased. “And you definitely got the best name of the bunch Cas.”

“Thank you I think.” They shuffled forwards in the queue silently for a little while.

“So Cas, you’ve been to Cambridge before right?” Dean asked.

“Indeed.”

“Many good bars? Or restaurants? Or anything to do?”

“Oh well there are plenty of museums. And lots of sight seeing. You can go for walks and tour colleges and…” Castiel trailed off at the disappointed look on Dean’s face. “I think there a lot of typical English pubs also. I’m sure they sell good beer.”

“Your probably right.” Dean seemed slightly happier with that answer.

“Is your brother at the university there?” Cas asked politely.

“I think so. I’m dunno really, I tend to switch off when he starts going on about science and school. He works in the university science labs doing research. And he’s doing really cool shit. And I’m proud of what he is doing. Even though I have no idea what he is doing.”

“It’s a great achievement to even be working at Cambridge. I know that Gabriel talks very highly of the institution.”

“I never expected any less for the nerd.” Dean joked.

They both smoothly passed though boarder security and were directed towards the baggage area. Castiel found that the silence between them was comfortable. However, he was aware that social situations weren’t his strongest suit, and that what he found to be a peaceful lull in the conversation, he was told that this was usually perceived as ‘awkward’.

He wished he had his sibling’s abilities to talk. Luke, although rebellious and cruel, could smooth talk anyone in any situation. He was charming. And although Castiel harboured strong feelings of resent and dislike toward his jail-bound brother, he did miss his ability to be able to change any awkward situation around as he pleased. Gabriel had been blessed with humour. He had a quick wit, and was downright childish at times. But he could have his entire company tricked into eating out of his palm as they laughed. He was just as manipulative as Luke, Castiel thought. However, Gabriel definitely used his hilarious people skills to benefit his science career, rather than ruin people’s lives. Lastly there was sweet little innocent Anna. She was charming like Luke, but in a way that just melted people’s hearts. If you scratched the surface of the innocent from that Anna put out, Castiel knew there was a woman who was so passionate and full of fire, it was a wonder she ever managed to pull off the front of ‘the girl next door’. She was always very good at acting.

Comparatively to his siblings, Castiel didn’t have an ounce of social prowess. He was just Castiel, who was slightly awkward at striking up conversations. Who constantly interpreted situations incorrectly. Who followed rules and hated trying to entertain people. And at this moment in time, he just desperately wanted to strike up conversation with Dean.

“Cas if you think any harder the whole airport is going to hear your thoughts.” Dean commented.

“Oh. Sorry.” He murmured.

“Why are you sorry? What were you thinking of?”

“Just about my siblings.” Castiel replied.

“Are you close to them?” Dean asked kindly. Castiel thought for a second before replying. It was a personal question, and one he didn’t really know how to answer.

“I guess. Some of them at least.” He paused, not knowing how much he was going to reveal. “I like Anna. But she is a lot younger than me. She was only 8 when I moved out to go to college, so I feel I only really knew her well as a child.”

“Do you get along now though?”

“I guess. She is a feisty 19 year old who moved herself to LA a year ago to find acting jobs and has a schedule packed with events, auditions and jobs. She doesn’t have much time for me. But when we do speak I do enjoy our conversations.”

“And the other two?”

“Gabriel is Gabriel. He is a law unto himself. He terrorized the entire family when we were growing up with his consistent pranking and general foolery. He is irritating to say the least. I always thought he would end up in jail over Luke. With the number of tricks and idiocy Gabriel managed to get himself in to, I thought he would break the law. But to be fair to him, he never tried to hurt anyone. And he can be very funny sometimes. As long as you are on the right side of his latest prank that is. We have become closer with age. When I worked with him on ‘science stuff’ as you say, we became closer. We get along now. Much more than when we were growing up.”

“That leaves Lucifer?” There was a wariness to Dean’s voice as he asked about his final brother.

“Indeed. My relationship with Luke is complicated. Everyone’s relationship with him is complicated. Obviously he is in jail, so any relationship is limited. However, I still try to visit him occasionally. Gabriel has a better relationship with him that me, always has. I don’t think I can fully forgive him for what he did. And yet he will still be our eldest brother.” Castiel sighed sadly to himself.

“Shit man. I’m sorry.” Dean raked a hand though his short hair and looked guiltily at Castiel.

“You have no need to be sorry Dean.” He replied.

“Yeah I do; it was kind of a personal question.”

“I wouldn’t have answered if I didn’t want to.” Castiel shrugged and smiled slightly at Dean. “You are close to Sam right?”

“Yeah. It’s just me and Sammy. Pretty much has always been. I know the kid better than I know myself half the time.” Castiel watched Dean smile to himself at the thought of his brother. “Dude I can’t believe I get to see him. It’s been months. And I survived the plane ride!”

“The last time I checked the odds of dying in an airplane crash is approximately only one is 11 million. It’s much more likely that you’ll die in a car crash.”

“Thanks Cas. That’s a cheery thought. Welcome to England, you’re going to die in a car crash seeing as you survived the fucking plane.” They both chuckled slightly.

The bags were now moving along the conveyer belt. Different people went up to collect them. There were families, couples, young people, old people. This is why he liked airports. After a few minutes he spotted his dark blue suitcase, and turned to signal to Dean that his bag had appeared. At the same moment, Dean also turned to him and opened his mouth to speak. At the same time, they babbled to each other that their bag was there. Dean let out a laugh and started to walk toward the belt.

Castiel was confused for a split second, as he swore Dean was heading to his suitcase. As they got to Castiel’s suitcase, and he reached to the case, Castiel realised that Dean was picking up the dark green suitcase next to it.

“Our suitcases are together.” Castiel commented. In his mind, this was an exciting and slightly cool coincidence. He realised it was also probably a nerdy thing to say, but was glad when Dean laughed.

They stared walking towards the arrival gate and chatted along the way. Castiel started to feel a slight pang of sadness as the entrance to the arrival lounge appeared before them. He had just spent 10 hours with a man he hadn’t even met before. He suddenly didn’t want Dean to leave. He hadn’t felt a bond like this before with anyone in such a short place of time. He stopped for a second before they moved through the doors and fumbled in his inside pocket of his trench coat. Dean politely stopped and waited for him.

“Every thing okay Cas?” Dean asked as he peaked though the doors. Obviously he was looking excitedly for his brother.

“Um yes. I just thought…” Castiel felt embarrassed and he found the business card that he was looking for. His mouth went dry. “Here is my business card. If you are ever in the area or anything, feel free to drop me an email or something.” He muttered. Dean accepted the card with a grin on his face.

“Yeah, of course. Thanks man.” He pocked the card. Castiel already knew it was a stupid idea and that Dean would never use it. The men looked at each other for another second. “Look Cas. You really saved me on the plane, I couldn’t have done it without you.”

Dean held out his hand, and Castiel reach forward and shook it. Dean was smiling with an unreadable look in his eye.

“Enjoy your time with your brother in Cambridge Dean.”

“I shall. And you enjoy your science shit at your conference or whatever it is.” Dean replied cheekily. They both laughed slightly as Dean turned away.

“See you around Cas.” Dean lifted a hand up to wave at his as he walked through the gates. Castiel watched his face split into a big grin as he saw what Castiel presumed to be Sam. Castiel watched as a tall man walked over and was pulled into a hug by Dean.

Castiel sighed to himself and watched for a few more seconds. He didn’t think he had ever greeted a sibling with such a hug. Usually it was just a handshake. With Gabriel, he even avoided doing that as there were numerous times where he had used a handbuzzer. However, Castiel wasn’t sure if he was more jealous of the sibling relationship or the face that Dean was hugging someone else. He felt stupid that he should even feel this way. He stared for another few seconds, and mentally said goodbye to Dean. He then started to look for the signs to the taxi rank and started to drag is suitcase towards the exit.

Just before he left the room, Castiel allowed himself to glance back to see if Dean and Sam were still there. He wasn’t sure if he was glad or not that they were. He made eye contact with Dean, who smiled at him. Dean then nudged Sam, who looked over and waved at Castiel with a goofy smile on his face. Castiel had no other option than to smile and wave back. He then turned away again, and a black cab pulled up in front of him. Castiel slid into the back seat and gave some directions to the driver.

Castiel quickly turned around in the back seat to look out of the back window hopefully. However, Sam and Dean were both gone. With a sadness, Castiel realised that it was the last time he would have probably seen Dean. And like many other situations in his life, he wished he had said more.


	6. Chapter Six

Chapter Six:

 

“Sammy do you really have to go to this stupid science lecture?” Dean complained from the fancy couch in his brothers sitting room. “Come on man! It’s my last full day here”

“Dean I’ve taken the entire week off and have ruined my liver for it. All I’m asking is for this one hour. One. That is it.” Sam yelled back from the bathroom.

Dean grumbled to himself. He did not want to go to this stupid lecture. He would sit there for the entire thing not understanding anything. And more embarrassingly his kid brother would be getting every single word. Even worse still, he would probably be surrounded by snooty science professors who probably wouldn’t even think about talking to him, let alone sit in the same room as him.

“Dean please.” Sam entered the sitting room with a tooth brush hanging out his mouth, “We can go to a pub straight after. I could make you spend the entire day there. Lectures are continuing all day, and I would usually go to all of them. But I’d obviously rather spend time with you. The thing is, my boss asked me to go to this one, cause it’s the stuff I work on.” Sam pulled his best puppy dog pleading face. Dean knew it well.

“You owe me.” Dean finally muttered after a few seconds. Sam punched the air triumphantly.

“Thanks! I’ll buy you a drink after.” Sam basically skipped back into the bathroom.

“Do I need to get changed?” He called out to Sam.

“No. Why would you?”

“Cause I’m just in jeans and stuff. Don’t you fancy scientists wear lab coats or suits or ties or something.” Dean got up to walk to Sam, who was now in the middle of shaving. It was still a weird sight to watch his kid brother do that.

“Dean it’s just a lecture. Everyone wears everyday clothes.” Sam scoffed.

“Like I would know what you guys do.” Dean snapped back. Sam rolled his eyes and went back to scraping the foam from his face.

“I’m just wearing jeans. It’s all really casual. You can sit on your phone and play games as long as it is on silent. If you don’t disturb anyone, no one will care what you do.” Sam shrugged. “I’ll be ready to go in 10.”

Dean sighed ass he trudged to the spare room to grab his phone and wallet. He knew he just had to make it through the next hour or two, and then they would be free to drink and be merry. Dean looked forward to it.

-

Dean thought it might be a little rude to lay his head on his arms and tap a nap in the middle of a lecture. But he felt like doing that. It was just so boring. The monotonic voice of the person at the front washed over him. He only understood a few words. ‘Calcium’ was one, and a few other elements that he vaguely recalled from his chemistry classes. However how it related to biology, Dean did not understand. There was a massive screen at the front which contained a diagram of something with lots of letters and arrows. The dull man at the front had a little red laser that he kept pointing to the screen. Now and again the audience chuckled. And he had no idea what about. It was like they were all speaking a totally different language. Sam didn’t help Dean’s boredom either. He was just scribbling notes down in a notebook at the brought, pausing now and again to listen. Dean knew the kid was clever, but he had to give Sam credit; this was even more complex than Dean had ever imagined.

Dean checked the time. Two minutes ago the lecture was supposed to end. Dean had doodled. Dean had played on his phone. Dean had even tried listening to the lecture. Now he wanted to leave and get a drink, even though it was only lunchtime. He nudged Sam and impatiently signalled at his watch. Sam scowled back at him.

“It’ll be over soon Dean.” Sam whispered though gritted teeth. No sooner than Sam said that, Dean realised a conclusion slide had appeared on the screen. He almost whooped for joy. After a minute or two the room was clapping and people started to rise out their seats.

“Can we leave?” Dean asked bluntly.

“Yes, now we can. I need to run up to my office to put my notebook away. It’s a couple of floors above here.” Dean nodded. “I can meet you in the entrance if you want? I’ll only be a minute”

“Yeah I don’t mind.” Dean shuffled along the row of seats slowly. He turned back to look at Sam as he kept walking. “Where are we going after…”

Dean was cut short by a small yelp from Sam as Dean stepped out into the stairway. He wasn’t looking where he was going, and crashed straight into someone. Their bodied slammed together. He heard Sam groan with embarrassment.

“Shit man,” Dean started, “I mean, sorry. I wasn’t looking.” He quickly apologised. And the he looked up.

“Dean?” The man said in amazement.

“Cas?” Dean realised. He felt his mouth had dropped open slightly in shock. Cas, the man from the plane was standing less than 30cms from him. His mind went blank on things to say. He never thought he would see this man again, let alone at a lecture with his brother.

Castiel stepped back slightly and gestured for him to follow him out the lecture hall. Strangely, Dean could feel his heart beating in his chest; it thumped against his rib cage in excitement, and anticipation. As he followed Cas out the road he shot an excited look back at Sammy, who just seemed confused by the whole situation.

“So how come you are here Cas?” Dean asked as they exited the lecture theatre and stepped into the large open space in the entrance. Sam signalled that he was just going to his office and left the two of them.

“Surely I should be asking you this question.” Cas looked back at him, as he tilted his head to the side with a small smirk.

“Sam dragged me.” Dean replied bluntly. “His office is upstairs or something and someone told him he should go to this one.” Cas nodded as he understood Dean’s answer.

“You probably don’t remember but this is part of the conference and series of lectures that I came to England for.”

“Yeah, dude, I remember.” Dean quickly said back. “I just didn’t’ realised you’d be here. I would have come to more if it had meant seeing you again.” He teased. Cas blushed, and Dean felt proud that he had produced that sweet reddening of those cheeks.

“I didn’t think to say.” Cas attempted to reply, but he looked at his feet and muttered the words slightly. Luckily Cas was saved as Sam interrupted the conversation.

“Hey Dean,” Sam said. He looked expectantly at as, then at Dean. Obviously Sam had no idea who this man was, and unlike Dean, did not remember him from the airport at all.

“Sam, this is Cas.” Dean said; Sam offered a hand to Cas, who shook it. “He’s the guy who sat next to me on the plane over.”

“Oh! Seriously? Small world. Good to meet you.” Sam smiled warmly at him.

“Likewise.” Cas politely replied.

“So why were you in the lecture?” Sam stared up small talk with him. Dean wondered how comfortable Cas was with that as he watched Cas shift his feet and start to play with the hem of his shirt.

“I was invited to attend the whole conference; you know the one that has been going all week.”

“That’s cool. How come you were invited?” Sam continued.

“I… I had a topic. I mean, I was asked to present a topic that I worked on a while back.”

“Seriously? That’s amazing. What’s your field of research?”

“I’m not actually in research. I am an ER doctor. However, I did a small placement and study in my brother’s laboratory where we worked on iPS cells and their function in treating brain injuries.”

“Impressive. So your brother is a research scientist in the US?” Cas nodded. “What’s his name?” Sam casually asked. Cas seemed unwilling to answer for a few seconds.

“Gabriel.” He replied uneasily. Sam looked unimpressed.

“I mean your surnames.” Sam chuckled. Dean watch Sam then frown; he could almost hear the cogs whirring in his brain. “Wait… Does Cas stand for Castiel?” Sam asked quietly.

Cas nodded sheepishly. It was almost comical the way Sam’s mouth dropped open, that Dean had to supress a laugh.

“Gabriel and Castiel. Novak?” Sam almost yelled.

“Yes.” Cas replied.

“You are Castiel Novak. You did the paper that was in nature with Gabriel on…” Sam’s words caught in his mouth with excitement as he started hyperventilating. It was Dean’s turn to look confused now.

“Is something nerdy going on here?” Dean asked. At this point, he felt ever so slightly jealous of Sam, and how he could just talk to Cas about science stuff. Whereas Dean hardly knew what the word ‘biology’ even meant.

“Dean, you never said you sat next to Castiel Novak.” Sam looked at him wide eyed and like an excited puppy.

“To be fair,” Dean replied, “I didn’t know his surname was Novak.” He appreciated the deep chuckle that escaped Cas’s mouth at this.

“Dean you don’t understand. Gabriel Novak is like, one of the leading scientists in America, if not the world, in stem cell and iPS cell research.”

“Should I know or care what an I P thing is?” Dean muttered. Sam ignored him and continued.

“And the paper that Gabriel, and his brother, Castiel,” Sam gestured wildly at Cas, “Was, and is still one of the leading paper in that area. It was ground-breaking. My lecturers went on about it for months! It was only my second year in college, and it such impressive work. You don’t get it Dean, this guy, and his brother is like the MVP of this area of research.”

“Hardly. I am not. I won’t deny that my brother may be, but the research we did was based off his idea and he did do most of the work. I was just there.” Cas pointedly said.

“Hey man, don’t play it down if you’re good.” Dean replied with a quick smile as Sam still fangirled. “Why don’t you come out with a drink with us? I think Sammy has totally fallen in love with you and would probably want to pick your brain and I could use a pint after that last mind numbingly boring hour.”

Sam scowled at him slightly, before realising that his ‘idol’ was potentially coming for a drink with them. If went back to being an excited puppy. Cas looked unsure of the offer. His eyes met Dean’s. Dean felt a surge hopefulness as he smiled encouragingly back at Cas as he silently prayed that Cas would say yes.

“Well I guess this is my last lecture or meeting that I was supposed to attend. A drink would be pleasant.” Cas nodded. “Lead the way I guess.”

Dean’s heart did a small whoop of joy. Dean reckoned that Sam’s probably did too, however for hopefully entirely different reasons. The three men left the building and made small talk about the weather as Sam lead the way down a couple of little side streets. They ended up at a large, dimly lit pub.

“Dean shall I get the first round? Castiel, do you want to join?” Sam asked and gestured to the bar.

“That sounds very pleasant. Thank you.” Cas politely accepted. “We will find a seat.”

Dean followed Cas to a small booth near the back to the pub that had large brown leather seats in a semi-circle formation. Dean shuffled into the centre seat, and Cas sat next to him, which would be opposite Sam. He felt slightly awkward. He was never planning on meeting Cas again. Of course, he had wanted to. He liked talking to Cas. He liked Cas’s company on the plane. It was great. But he also couldn’t remember the last time he properly liked anyone.

Lisa. Four years ago he had accidentally bumped into a girl he had ‘relations’ with a couple of years previous to that. She had looked great, and it had been what Dean had needed. He ended up living with her and he kid for a year. And it had been good. But it had fizzled out. They loved each other, and he had loved Ben even more, however neither of them were in love with the other. He realised that for the past three years he hadn’t dated, hadn’t had a partner for more than a week, hadn’t had a crush on anyone. Until now.

He was desperately out of practice. Flirting to get someone in your bed almost immediately was Dean’s forte; he played this technique a lot. Flirting in a casual way whilst your brother was there? Dean couldn’t remember how. He quickly checked his phone as a distraction as he tried to think of something to say. He glanced up to see Cas looking at him expectantly.

“So Cas, have you enjoyed your nerdy conference?” Dean teased. He scolded himself that he couldn’t think of something more interesting to say or ask.

“Ah yes. It has been very informative. I have learnt many things in areas I was not very familiar with before today.” Cas answered a monotone reply. He seemed to hesitate at the end of the sentence.

“And?” Dean prompted.

“Ah well. Technically I am not a scientist. I am a medic. A lot of this stuff is very interesting, but I chose helping people in the ER, over what this conference was on.” Cas gave a wiry smile. “I’m only really here as Gabriel and I were invited to speak. My brother couldn’t make it, however somehow he still persuaded me to go along.”

“Brothers are very persuasive like that.” Dean rolled his eyes. On que, Sam appeared with a tray containing three pints. He placed them down inform of them and retuned the tray. Dean took a sip, and was pleasantly surprised as the bitter liquid slipped smoothly down his throat.

“Oh. This is pretty good. What is it?” He asked Sam as he sat down.

“Hobgoblin.”

“What?”

“Hobgoblin.” Sam said more slowly.

“That’s a strange name. Are there ones like fairy and gnome up there also?” Dean replied.

“Har har. I thought you liked it?” Sam pulled a classic bitch face of his.

“Yeah but it could be named something better.” Dean took a large gulp and almost spluttered. Sam snorted.

“What would you suggest they name it?” Cas smirked at him. Dean looked at him in surprise. Unfortunately, as he looked into Cas’s blue eyes his mind went blank. He opened and closed his mouth, hoping that his brain would provide him with something useful. Sam started to giggle.

“See, much harder to name an ale than you think.” Sam teased.

“No. I’d name it The Winchester.” Dean finally said. Sam laughed.

“Very inventive.”

“Well it’s better than goblin.”

“Not really. Sounds more like a name of a pub than a beer.”

“Well I always would choose Winchester over goblin ale.”

“Of course you would Dean. You literally travelled to Virginia to visit a place called Winchester.”

“Then it’s obviously a good name.”

“No Dean. It’s your name.” They bickered over the ale for a little while as they sipped their drinks.

“Hey Castiel. You should decide. For this beer, should it be named ‘The Winchester’. Which is a stupid name for an ale. Or the Hobgoblin which is its actual name.” Dean scowled at Sam as he asked Cas this. Secretly he hoped Cas would side with him.

“I’m not sure it is my place to say.” Cas frowned and looked slightly panicked at the abrupt question.

“Dude, you are an extremely clever man.” Sam said. Dean though he sounded like a kiss ass. “And therefore, you will pick hobgoblin and put Dean in his place.”

“Or Cas, you can remember who kept you company on the flight over here and who’s name that was.” Dean gave Cas one of his famous winning smiles.

“Well, I agree with you Dean that the name hobgoblin does sound a little daft.” Sam started to frown at Cas’s answer. “However, I agree with Sam that perhaps the Winchester isn’t the best name for an ale.”

This time it was Dean’s turn to frown, and Sam looked triumphant.

“The award for most pageant queen diplomatic answer goes to Cas!” They all laughed slightly. “So what would you call it?” Dean asked Cas.

“I am not the best at naming things. The house hold cat growing up was named Cat. And the guinea pig was named Pig.”

“Did you name them?” Sam laughed.

“Unfortunately yes.” Cas muttered looking slightly embarrassed.

“Okay, you don’t get an opinion on naming this then.” Cas held his hands up in defeat. Dean drained the rest of his pint.

“I shall I get the next round.” Cas announced as he stood up. “Shall I get the stupidly named ale again?”

“Yeah whatever. Thanks dude.” Dean replied with a smile. As Cas walked away from the he felt Sam staring at him. He turned to look at Sam.

“You like him.” Sam grinned. Dean tried to correct him with a range of grunts. “Ha! You do! I thought you sounded a bit too happy after getting off the flight. Did you join the mile-high club or something?”

“No!” Dean muttered back as Cas returned. “Just, don’t say anything.”

“Okay, okay.” Sam smirked. Dean knew he hasn’t heard the last of this.

 

An unknown period of time later, they had multiples of pint glasses on the table. It was definitely the evening now, and they had ordered what Sam had called ‘pub grub’ an hour or so ago. That had soaked up a bit of the alcohol. Dean had also got to watch Cas lick his fingers clean of sauce from the burger that he had devoured. By this point however, no amount of food was going to soak up the amount of alcohol they had consumed. Somewhere along the way, shots had started to appear with the pints. And now Dean’s vision was considerably blurred, and Sam looked rather dishevelled. Cas was slumped in his seat and was swirling the remainder of his pint around the bottom of the glass.

“But I don’t know what to do…” Sam stared whining again. His sentence was punctured with hiccups. “She is just so pretty. Her hair is blonde, Dean. And long. And…” Sam started to mime a word. His arms flailed around his head. Dean thought he just looked like a mad man.

“Curly?” Cas offered.

“Like the sea.” Sam said back unhelpfully.

“Wavey?”

“Yes! Blonde and wavey and pretty.” Sam sighed. “And her face…”

“Sam please for the love of all that is holy will you stop talking about this Jess.” Dean grumbled.

“But I like her.” Sam rested his head on the slightly sticky table.

“Why don’t you ask her on a date?” Cas asked after he downed the rest of his pint.

“Because she might not like me.” Sam murmured from his spot on the table.

“Grow a pair Sammy.”

“No Dean,” Sam leaned up from his stop to playfully hit him, “You need to grow a pair because…”

“Stop whining if you won’t ask her out. Sammy. You’re awesome. Even a girl who is way, way, waaayyy out of your league would be lucky.” Dean gave Sam a thumbs up. He was satisfied with this advice. Sam looked unconvinced. “Do they have karaoke? We should do some. Cas you up?”

“I don’t think they have karaoke here.” Cas cocked his head sideways in confusion, his eyes all squinty. He looked cute.

“Heh. Cas. Are you crushin’ on any pretty ladies? Like Sammy here.” Dean slurred and leaned slightly closer to Cas. Cas simply frowned at him. The guy sure was a grumpy drunk.

“No.”

“Pretty men?” Sam asked cheekily as he swayed slightly. He blinked at Dean and giggled. Dean presumed he had meant to wink. Cas didn’t reply. “Ah no reply! Bingo! Dean, pretty men.”

Fortunately, Cas was looking down into his empty glass at this point as Sam nudged Dean. It wasn’t very inconspicuous. His stomach felt uneasy at this confession, or lack of, from Cas. Cas liked guys? Did he have a boyfriend already? Dean wanted Cas to like him, and only him. He was a difficult guy to read. Currently his forehead was crumpled in confusion.

“I don’t…” Cas stared, his voice low, “I prefer men. Is that a problem?”

It was his and Sam’s turn to look confused this time. The poor guy must have been unwilling to share this sort of information. Dean used to be until his whole family accidentally walked in on him buried in his ex-boyfriend Benny about six years ago. It had definitely been one way to come out of the closet. He was grateful that it hadn’t been the other way around really; usually it was Benny that had topped him. That wold have definitely of been worse. Thank god they had decided to try new things on that day.

“Castiel. I have seen Dean’s dick in another guy’s ass…”

“Dude!” Dean yelled.

“And that is how he accidentally came out to his family. It is really not my business what you do with your dick. You should just be happy.” Sam continued. He patted Cas’s arm in a friendly drunken manner. Dean felt mortified. He hid his head in his hand slightly, but heard a grunt of laughed from Cas.

“I think if my family walked in on me I would never live it down.”

“Cas I have never lived this down. This was like six years ago. And it is brought up on a semi regular basis.” Dean sighed dramatically.

“I think I will go soon. I am supposed to catch a flight early tomorrow.” Cas announced. He stood up quickly from the chair and nearly fell over.

“Woah, are you okay?” Sam asked.

“Don’t ask stupid questions.” Cas extended a hand out to Sam to shake it. Sam instead just sort of grabbed onto Cas’s. “It was nice good to meet you both. This was a very enjoyable evening. Thank you.”

“Don’t go yet!” Sam slurred. “You said you’d tell me more about the bees.”

“I’m afraid I really have to. Dean…” Even in the dimly lighting Dean thought he may detect a slight blush, “I feel lucky to have met you again. Thanks for letting me hang out.”

“Nah Cas. The pleasure was all mine. I mean… Ours.” Dean smiled back at Cas who has started to stumble to the doors. Dean gave a wave as Cas exited. He wistfully looked at the swinging doors which had just closed.

“Dean. The love of your life has just left the building. You need to chase after him.” Sam grabbed Dean’s face. “Dean I want you to be happy. Castiel Novak might do that. He also might not because I don’t really know him, but you look at him with a smile.”

“Shut up Sammy.” Dean pushed him off.

“Did you get his number?” Sam asked. “Call him tomorrow.” Sam said wisely.

Dean opened up his wallet and saw the little business card that Cas had given him. He thought it was stupid that he kept it originally. Now he was incredibly grateful. Although he didn’t feel like calling him, and wasn’t sure if his American phone would work, Dean decided that an email was sufficient. He made a plan in his head that as soon as they were back to Sam’s flat, he would send Cas an email. That would be the best thing to do.

Sam slumped onto the table again.

“Okay buddy. I think it’s time to call it a night.” Dean started to shove Sam up. “Move Sammy.”

“Dean you’re bossy.” Sam whined, but stood up anyway. “Dean, promise me that you’ll try with Castiel? He seemed cool.” Sam looked at Dean again with his big puppy dog eyes.

“Sure kid. I promise.”


	7. Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven:

Beeping. Incessant beeping. That was the first thing that he was aware of when he woke up. Or when the beeping woke him up. Castiel blindly reached out toward the direction of the irritating noise in a hope to stop it. His hand reached his phone and he dragged it towards him. He blearily opened one eye to see the time and to turn off the alarm. He saw that it was 8am. He had to leave the hotel in an hour to make his way to the airport to fly home. Back to Kansas.

He groaned into his pillow. His head was throbbing. His mouth felt dry. His bladder felt full. He daren’t try to sit up yet, as he could tell that his stomach would protest. He hadn’t drunk like that since Lucifer’s party before he went to jail. And Castiel had definitely had less alcohol this time and more sleep. He was getting old he thought. Nearly 30. 29 year olds should not be getting drunk at a random pub with basically strangers. 

He tried to recall his night. He had definitely had an in depth discussion about bees. He remembers that. He remembers drinking a lot. He talked to Dean a lot, and had found himself attracted to him. Castiel also remembered coming out to these strangers; he hardly ever let people know about that side of him. He wasn’t even sure that his friends knew. But Dean and Sam knew. And they were fine.

Castiel made a mental list of what he needed to do. Quick shower. Get dressed. Pack the remainder of his stuff. Check out. Cab to the airport.

Obviously the first step was to get out of bed. However, his body was protesting to this idea. Castiel opened his eyes again to look at his phone. He quickly turned down the brightness and checked his notifications. The screen was slightly blurry, and he could see nothing of interest. It was someone’s birthday on Facebook. He didn’t care. His emails were mainly full of junk. There was an email reminding about his flight today which Castiel noted as being helpful. At the top of the list, there was one email from someone he didn’t recognise, but his heart definitely fluttered when he read the address. He tapped on the email impatiently and waited for it to load. He silently cursed the wi-fi after a few seconds. It loaded, and Castiel’s body flooded with warmness as he read it.

 

Subject: Hellllllllllo Casstiel

To: [CastielNovak@ERDepartment.KSUniveristy.com](mailto:CastielNovak@ERDepartment.KSUniveristy.com)

From: [DWinchester.1@KSCountyFire.com](mailto:DWinchester.1@KSCountyFire.com)

Email:

Hello, Cas. Castiel? Casstiel? Casteil? Wait hang on. Let me ask Sam.

He says its Castiel. Nerd. I probably should delete those attempts but I can’t be bothered to try. All the little touch screen button things annoy me. It’s a bloody miracle I can even write this.

I’m emailing cause I you gave me your email! I bet you had forgotten about this. And I am gonna guess that you’ll probably regretgiving it to me. I thought it was cause you were being kind, and just pitying me when I freaked out. Like here is my number because I am a doctor and I helped you so I will be kind. But I still kept it. I should of emailed you earlier, maybe we could have hung out more during the wekk. Although Sam might have been a pissed.

Actually, Sam loves you cause you do science so he probably would have preferred that I bring you along. He’d be able to geek out with you about stem cell or whatever you do.

Me and Sammy went home from the pub. And I was going to email you then, but then sam gave me whiskey. And then sam drank whiskey. And now its like 2am or something. And I am emailing you!

I remember you saying you were from Kansas. Like me. Although I didn’t realise that you would be near to me! I see from your business card thingy it says you are in Kansas City. At the uni hospital. We are only like a 40 min drive from each other. You can come and see me. Because I liked talking to you. It was cool. You are cool. Kinda. Your more a bit nerdy like Sammy, but I like that. Cause of Sammy I’m used to being around people that have brains, I grew up with it and its cool. So yeha. You should come visit me and we can talk more. If you wanna. You probably don’t. Which if that’s the cause just ignore my email

I won’t mind if you do ignore it. Like seriously don’t reply saying no because that’ll suck, just ignore my email, and it’ll be fine. Although I’d be kinda gutted. Cause you make me laugh. And you’ve already held my hand and I slept with you in the non sexy way so basically just talking will be easy. We can maybe just grab a burger or dinner or a coffee. Or maybe you can just email and we will talk? I don’t know. I don’t know how to do this.

Sam’s is puking in the toilet. For such a big guy you think he would hold his alcohol much better than this. He has always been a weak drinker, a bit of beer and whisky and he’s out cold. His hair is so long that I’ll probably have to hold it back as he vomits. Ha ha. Samantha. I’ve just checked on him. I am sitting on the bathtub. And Sammy has his head rested on the toilet. I stole his phone and took a picture on snapchat and sent it to people . Heh.

I probably should stop writing to you. You’ll think bad of me. But I swear im a dick to Sammy cause I love him, its big brother progitive. Progoative? Progoitive? Progative? I would ask sam how to spell this one but im not sure he is up to spelling right now. But yeah.

This is a lot of email writing. I might stop soon. But I feel like I can’t remember what I said and it’s a lot of text to scroll through and re read. Im not sure I want to do that. I should probably sleep cause I have a flight tomorrow evening. Maybe you’ll be on it! That would be good because it was ncie to have you next to me. Was it weird that I fell asleep on you because I liked it, you were warm and comfy. I should stop.

So maybe talk to you? Who the fuck knows. I hope so Cas

Erm… By the way this is from dean from the plane and pub. I realised I don’t think I mentioned that.

Bye

Dean

-

Castiel beamed at his phone. Although the headache was still there, the flutters from his stomach dulled it. It was like when the boy texts the girl in the movies, and the girl lies on her bed and squeals with happiness. Obviously the situation didn’t have many other similarities. They were both grown men. And it wasn’t a cute text, but a very drunk typed email. But he felt high with emotions. It sounded like Dean wanted to go on a date with him. Or at least just see him again. Or talk to him.  Castiel didn’t care which one it was.

He placed his phone back on the bed side table and dragged himself up to shower. He spied his reflection in the mirror in the bathroom. Dishevelled. That was the word anyone would use to describe him. His dark, almost black hair, stuck out in every angle; there was drool casually dried on his face; his blue eyes were framed with dark circles. There was a faint blush of excitement on his cheeks which he felt slightly embarrassed of.

Doubt settled in. Perhaps Dean just wanted to see him as a friend? He never specifically said something more in the email. Just that he liked him or wanted to see him. Castiel stared back at the scruffy man. The beautiful handsome Dean wouldn’t want to date him, would he? Quite, nerdy, fierce Castiel. He knew he wasn’t dating material.

Castiel turned the shower on and let hot water beat down on him. A plan. That’s what he needed. He better not get his hopes up. It was a friend ship that what Dean was looking. He’s reply to the email, and just see where it went. Easy. Simple. And he would write it at the airport as he waited for his flight. And if Dean replied then great. And if he didn’t, and it was a drunken mistake, then they would never have to talk again. Secretly, Castiel hoped it wasn’t the latter.

 

Dear Dean,

Sam was correct, it is ‘Castiel’. However, for ease, Cas is perfectly fine of course. I was very glad that you did email me, and I gave you my business card for that purpose. It was because you were interesting and I wanted to continue talking to you. I actually wasn’t expecting you to do anything with it, I thought it was a bit of a lost cause. Perhaps I should offer people my number instead? Would that make it feel less formal perhaps? Anyhow, I am definitely glad that you emailed.

It was delightful to meet with Sam and yourself, even if it was impromptu! I am feeling slightly worse for wear this morning. I am currently sitting at the airport waiting for my flight, and I am nursing a hangover. I am surprised that you and Sam were able to continue drinking. I think if I had continued I probably wouldn’t have been standing. I am even more impressed that after all that you were able to type (semi) coherently.

Yes that is correct, I work in the University of Kansas Hospital in Kansas City. Which definitely isn’t too far from Lawrence. Although I haven’t been to Lawrence too many times. I have visited the university site a few times, and I highly enjoy a restaurant there. It is called The Roadhouse? It is just a small place, but it does the most amazing burgers.

Dean you do not need to be concerned. Of course I would be happy to meet up with you. You are very welcome to visit me any time you want. If you ever pass though Kansas City, then please let me know! And obviously I am replying to your email, and as I have said, I am pleased that you did email me. Now it is probably my turn to point out that you need not reply to me. I understand that you emailed whilst you were intoxicated, and therefore may regret it in the morning. I will not be too offended if you don’t reply.

I do not think you are too mean in teasing Sam. Although I did appreciate Sam’s company, I think as an older sibling you most definitely have _prerogative_. You have to remember that although I am not the youngest sibling, I was the youngest boy with two older brother. I have endured much teasing and what not growing up. I still endure it now. Gabriel is a prankster, and to this day I never let him make me hot drinks as he always puts salt rather than sugar in them. I have learnt to live with it, but I wouldn’t change Gabriel. I’m sure Sam feels the way.

Unfortunately, my return flight is this morning. Although I would prefer if I were on your flight. It went much quicker and was much more pleasant than usual on the way here.

I hope to hear from you soon and that your hangover isn’t quite as bad as mine!

Best Wishes,

Castiel

 

He smiled contently at his phone as he clicked send on the email. He had checked it numerous times, and was almost happy with most of it. Castiel was worried that he sounded too formal; he had a tendency to do that. Although even if he did think it sounded too fancy, it wasn’t as if he could actually change it. It was him, that was how he wrote emails. As it sent, his flight was called. He stood up, and decided to turn his phone off already. Castiel already had the urge to check his emails to see if Dean had replied, which was idiotic of him. Dean was probably fast asleep.

Castiel started to board the flight. He gave one quick look back to the airport and England. He hoped that he wasn’t leaving his newly formed relationship behind him. He hoped that Dean replied. He hoped that is formed something new and good between them. It was many times in his like that he felt hope, and Castiel was certainly very pleased that he could feel this now.


	8. Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight:

 

_Approximately One Month Later_

By the middle of October, Castiel had received an estimation of three emails per day from Dean. They had been emailing constantly. And each email made him feel the same as the first; all warm and fuzzy inside. Unfortunately, they hadn’t met yet. Castiel had been too nervous to suggest it in fear of Dean saying no, or them spoiling their new friendship.

They weren’t boyfriends. Far from it. But something in Castiel said that they could be. There was an unspoken bond between the two men, and Castiel had never felt such a connection with someone before. It was different. And new. Overall, he just found it wonderful to be able to share his thoughts and life with someone else.

Castiel had never had someone that he allowed to get some close to him before. He had his siblings, and he loved his siblings; but it wasn’t the same. He would never email his siblings twice a day and talk about his day, or his life, or trivial things like bees and tv. It was lucky if he spoke to them every month. In his life, friends had been generally rare. Boyfriends were even more rare. People usually thought he was weird and boring. Which to be fair to them, Castiel agreed. He was able to converse with people, and could set his mind to anything if he wanted it. That’s hope he got through medical school. Granted his bedside manner wasn’t always the more cheerful and happy in the building, but his ability to be honest to people took him far. It never made him many friends though.

Except for Dean. When he was blunt about situations, Dean replied in his emails with amusement. Sometimes he added his own opinion and they were able to logically discuss situations. Castiel felt free with Dean.

It was going to change. Castiel was worried it was. Dean had emailed yesterday saying that he was visiting Kansas City for a conference and suggested that they meet up after. Fortunately, he had the day off work, so agreed to this. Now he felt it was almost unfortunate that he was able to meet Dean.

He would ruin it. Every friendship that he had ever made had been ruined. He didn’t want to lose this one. But he had agreed to meet Dean, and now he was feeling anxious. They were going to go for dinner.

Castiel had cleaned his entire apartment. Not that he was expecting that Dean would want to come back to his, but if a small miracle like that did occur then it would be okay. He had picked a restaurant which he knew. It was fairly cheap and casual. As served mainly pizza. Although he did know that they served a very good apple pie, and therefore picked that one especially for Dean.

He had picked a plain white shirt to wear with a pair of jeans. Fashion wasn’t his strongest point. But one of his colleagues had said he looked nice in this once, so it was a bit of a go to outfit. And now he was nervously standing outside the restaurant waiting for Dean. Castiel had already been there waiting for 10 minutes; he was early. He had checked his phone and email numerous times, worried that Dean was going to cancel on him.

It had finally hit 6pm, the time they had agreed to meet. He watched a loud, sleek black car drive past the restaurant and pull up at the end of the street. Castiel knew what type of car that was. He had discussed her with Dean; that was his baby. His car. That meant that Dean was here. He subtlety double checked his reflection in the restaurants window reflection before looking up again to watch Dean slide out of the front seat.

Dean locked the car behind him and started to walk to Castiel. He wondered if perhaps he was overdressed as he looked at Dean, who looked effortlessly casual in a dark green open plaid shirt with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows and a dark gray top underneath. He smiled when he saw Castiel. It made his heart relax slightly.

And then they were standing face to face.

“Hey! It’s good to actually see you.” Dean smiled and patted him on the arm.

“Yes Dean. And it is nice to see you also.” Castiel managed to reply.

“Shall we head in?” Dean gestured.

Castiel was glad that Dean seemed so relaxed about this whole situation. He certainly didn’t. His palms were definitely damper than usual, and his brain had gone totally blank of what to say. He was already cursing himself. They should have just kept emailing. He wasn’t ready to gone on this outing with Dean. Sensibly he did know that he had already met Dean, already drank with Dean, he had even already held Dean’s hand. But that was without expectation or pressure. Everything was being held on this one meal.

“You okay, buddy?” Dean asked as they sat down in a booth.

“Yes.” Dean raised his eyebrows in a knowing look. “I mean… I don’t know.”

“I feel a bit nervous to be honest.” Dean offered. “We’ve been talking for so long I was worried that perhaps you didn’t want to meet. And I almost didn’t turn up today because I was nervous that you’d change your mind or something.”

“Really?”

“Yeah of course. I mean, logically I knew you wouldn’t ditch me or anything. And I am extremely glad you didn’t.”

“Me too.” Castiel felt himself breath out. Dean handed him a menu. “Thank you Dean.”

“For the menu or showing up?” Dean cheekily asked.

“Both. How was your conference?” The blunt reply and follow up question naturally slipped out as if he were replying to an email.

“Boring. And I didn’t pay much attention because I was thinking about what was going to happen tonight. What did you do on your day off?”

“I went for a run this morning. Then I cleaned. And read a bit.” Castiel smiled down into his menu. It was really special and nice to be able to find out an immediate answer from Dean. Usually he had to wait until the reply on the next email. “By the way, I’d recommend the Supremo pizza.”

“Sounds like an invigorating day off. I was looking at that. Looks good. Are you getting that one? And are we going for starters?”

“I was too nervous to do anything more productive.” Castiel smiled shyly from his menu. “No I don’t think so. I think I want the bacon and egg pizza. I’m not going to lie, but I had the Supremo recently. If you want a starter Dean, please have one. I don’t think I will order one because I do want a desert.”

“Nah I’ll have a desert with you. Do they have pie?”

“Yes Dean. They have pie.” Dean pulled a very blissed out look on his face that Castiel hadn’t seen before. It made him chuckle.

His pulse rate had slowed down, and was now almost back to normal. Castiel felt like his body was buzzing. He wanted to throw himself over the table and hug Dean and tell him thank you for helping him relax.

The waitress came over and asked for their orders. Dean ordered the Supremo, which made Castiel smile. For drinks, the waitress recommended the City Saison.

“Are you sure you don’t want ‘The Winchester’ beer.” Castiel teased. Dean rolled his eyes dramatically.

“Look, I still believe that Hobgoblin is a stupid name.”

“What do you think of City Saison then?”

“Well that’s a stupid name also.”

“Is any beer or ale without your name stupid?”

“No! I’d accept any named after my family also.”

“I understand. So ‘The Sam’ is an acceptable name?”

“Oh god that is worse than Hobgoblin.”

Both men were happily sipping on their drinks now. The conversation between then flowed easily, and Castiel found himself enjoying his evening, He was almost impressed at himself; if only Gabriel could see him right now. He would be so proud that he was socialising. It wasn’t as if he was even being forced to socialise either.

The chatter only stopped when the pizzas arrived. He realised how hungry he was and quickly started to salivate as the ate through the slices. Dean laughed at him for eating so quickly.

“You are making obscene noises.”

“Sorry.” Castiel mumbled, his mouth full of pizza. “I can’t help it. It just makes me so happy.”

“I’d be a proud man if I ever made you make that sound.”

“Is that a flirtation?” Castiel wittily said back. He stared at Dean, who seemed to be catching flies slightly.

“Yes Cas. It was. That okay?” Dean replied with a soft smile.

“Well I am still here am I not?” Castiel smiled back. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Technically you just did.” Castiel rolled his eyes.

“Why do you call me Cas?”

“Shit um… I’m sorry if you don’t like it. I will call you Castiel.” Dean muttered. His eyed widened in panic and he looked down sheepishly into his food.

“No!” Castiel back tracked. “No one had ever shortened my name before. I like it. I was merely wondering why you decide on it.”

“You don’t mind?” Castiel smiled and shook his head. “Good. You panicked me for a moment there, I thought you hated me or something.”

“I could never hate you Dean.” Dean barked a short laugh at this.

“Yeah well. I’m glad you don’t mind. But I honestly don’t know. I guess Castiel was a bit of a mouthful to say every time.” Castiel desperately wanted to reply ‘I am’ but instead held it in and smirked.

“I guess it is.”

“You honestly don’t mind?” Dean said and he ran a hand through his hair.

“Of course not Dean.” Castiel smiled. “In fact I quite like it. Most people just for go mentioning my name so it is nice to hear it.”

Dean shrugged and continue eating his pizza. The flow of conversation settled as both men finished of their food. Dean finished first, and as he did he leant back into his seat and stretched. His t-shirt stretched over his abdomen, and Castiel couldn’t help but stare. The thin gray material lay over the defined ridges of his abs and pecks, and carried on down to a soft curve around his belly. Castiel almost felt like groaning into his pizza again, but for a totally different reason this time.

“I was watching a programme on tv the other day and noticed a name in the credits.” Dean spoke after a few seconds of stretching. Castiel looked quizzically back. “Anna Novak. That’s your sister right? Can’t be a common name.”

“Yes it is a possibility that you saw her. She’s been in a few crime dramas recently.” He nodded.

“Huh. I didn’t know which one she was though. Most of the cast looked nothing like you. And the only person that may have been similar wasn’t the right age I think.”

“She doesn’t look much like me.” Castiel mused. “You know you could have just googled her? There’s picture of her online.” Dean looked at him blankly and then frowned.

“Well I didn’t think of that. And it takes the fun out of guessing. Give me a clue of which one she was?”

“Do you want an obvious clue or subtle clues?”

“Lets start with subtle.”

“She’s white and female.”

“Gee. Thanks Cas for all of those clues. Please continue.”

“She’s very slight. About 5 foot 4? Looks quite petite.” Castiel replied. Dean had his eyes closed as he was trying to guess.

“Right okay. I think I’m getting closer. Next clue.”

“People have said before that our only similarity is our noses.”  Dean barked out a laugh and opened his eyes to stare at Castiel’s nose. “She also has quite pale skin, and large brown eyes.”

“I think I have it. But I’m not sure as I would have never picked her out from a crowd to be related to you.”

“Describe her?”

“She’s ginger?” Dean questioned curiously. Castiel nodded with a smile. People were always surprised about their relation. Sometimes Castiel suspected that some sort of adoption or infidelity had occurred, but he didn’t particularly care.

“Yes.” He brought out his phone and flicked through to find a picture of Anna to show Dean. “That is her there. I think that was at her 18th birthday meal with our parents.”

“You look nothing alike. Although she was pretty good in the episode I watched, even if it wasn’t much of a role.” Castiel looked at Dean questioningly. “Well it was a crime show and she was killed off half way through the episode. It was an impressive death though. Lots of gore.”

“That definitely sounds like Anna. She always goes for quite gory scenes.” Castiel replied, smiling fondly at the thought of his sister. He silently hoped that Dean hadn’t seen much more of her work. She had definitely done a few sex scenes, which he had tactfully avoided, but it would definitely be awkward if Dean brought them up now.

“Should we order desert?” Dean asked. “Personally I’m quite full but we could get take out or something, because I do fancy me some pie.”

Castiel paused. His brain went a double speed to try figure out what Dean was saying. Take out to where? He realised that Dean was probably hinting at returning to his apartment. Surprisingly, his body didn’t bubble with anxiety at this thought. It was only Dean. His Dean that he had been talking for a month. The same person who he had just had dinner with. It felt normal.

“That sounds like a good plan. We could go back to mine if you wanted and put a film on or something.” Castiel prayed that he wasn’t blushing or anything embarrassing. He tried to keep his voice as casual as possible, when in reality his insides were doing a little jig.

“Sure.” Dean grinned. “I think I fancy the apple pie.”

When the waitress returned Dean ordered his and Castiel’s desert for takeout. When the boxes arrived, they received the bill. After a short argument they decided to split the bill. Castiel didn’t really know if it was a date, and therefore Dean wasn’t going to pay for him. And equally Dean wouldn’t let him pay for him, so it was the easiest method in the end.

As they left the restaurant and headed to Dean’s car, Castiel remembered how he had stood outside this restaurant a few hours before dreading what was to come. He felt extremely relieved that he had stuck it out. He couldn’t have predicted a better or more relaxing meal. And to have the night being extended with Dean coming to his apartment? The mere thought of it was alongside Castiel’s dreams. Now it was a reality, he had never felt so lucky.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is more explicit than others. See notes at bottom for more details.

Chapter Nine:

 

Dean followed Castiel's instructions to his apartment. It was only a few minutes’ drive away and his baby easily sailed down the streets. Part of him was relieved to be back in baby. It was something familiar: still had that same leather smell, still had the same soft worn touch to it, still had the same rattle of lego every time the heating was turned on. It was relieving as he felt like he was walking in entirely unknown territory.

He hadn't dated for a long time, and even longer still had he been with or fancied a guy. Now Cas was sitting in the passenger seat of baby and they had just had a meal together. And it was great. It was also wonderful, and fun, and energising; but the word great seemed to suit the simplicity of it all. They just went to a small pub-esque pizza restaurant and had pizza and a beer. Nothing more. The had just chatted as if they had been friends for years rather than email pen-pals for a month. It was so effortless to be with Cas, that he forgot about all the pressures of dating and relationships. And because of that his evening had been great.

Things seemed to become a little more complicated in Dean's mind when, without thinking of the consequences, basically invited himself around to Cas's apartment for desert. Cas had looked surprised when he suggested this, but unfazed. So now they were heading back there with pie (apple and cherry) sitting on Cas's lap.

"This turning here." Cas said as he gestured towards the main road. Dean caught a glimpse of the road name.

"Cas, did that street sign say Rainbow Boulevard or am I going mad?" Dean asked incredulously.

"Yes. This is the street I live on. Just pull up to this apartment block on your right."

"Dude you live on Rainbow Road." He giggled slightly.

"Boulevard." Cas corrected him; his head tilting to the side.

"No, it's like in Mario Kart. Rainbow Road."

"Oh. Right.”

"Please tell me you know what I'm talking about?"

"I'm not aware of many pop culture references in afraid." Cas said in a slightly sad way. He turned his face away from Dean and stared resolutely out the window.

"It's just a game console game. Rainbow road is the name of arguably the hardest track that you have to drive around. It's fine if you don't know it, however if you ever come to my place we are changing that immediately." Dean replied without trying to hurt Cas's feelings. Cas turned back to look at him and Dean saw the corners of his mouth were turned upwards.

"Deal." They started to get out the car and make their way to the small cluster of apartments. "It's just this apartment. It’s not very big or fancy I'm afraid."

"As if I'd care!" It was almost funny to think that Dean would care if Cas's apartment was small.

Cas handed the boxes containing their pie to Dean as he opened the door and they entered. Cas flicked on the lights and the living room was lit up in a wash of warm light.

The first thing that struck Dean was how very 'Cas' it was. The walls were light, and there was a deep blue carpet underneath his boots. The space he was in was quite open plan. He stood in the living room, which contained the usual sofa and television. At the end of the room was a breakfast bar, on the other side of it was the kitchen. There was three doors along the left hand side which Dean presumed lead into bathrooms and bedrooms. The most unusual thing about the room however was the large bookcase along the left hand side of the room which was filled with books head to toe. There were a couple of other little quirky items around; including a teapot in the shape of a bee and anatomically correct picture of the brain on the wall. However, the bookcase was the most impressive item.

Dean immediately walked over to it, attracted by the sheer volume of books. His eyes skimmed over some titles.  He was pleased that he recognised a few. They seemed to be sectioned into genres. He could see a few sci fi novels, a section of romance books, and there was even a section of non-fiction books on bee-keeping.

"This is amazing." He said as he looked at other titles.

"It’s not much."

"I haven't seen so many books in someone's house before. It's awesome." Dean replied as he followed Cas into the kitchen.

"Pie now?"

"Sure. Bowl?"

They easily moved around one another in the small but neat kitchen. Soon half the cherry and half the apple pie were in each bowl, and Cas had even produced some whipped cream and squirted liberal helpings of in into both bowls. They were soon sat down, Dean on the sofa and Cas perched on the stood at the kitchen bar. Dean moaned into the first mouthful of pie.

"This is so good." Dean groaned. He felt slightly happy yet mischievous as he watched Cas flush slightly at the explicit sounds he was making.

"Don't talk with your mouthful." Cas replied after a few seconds. It made Dean laugh. The man was almost unbreakable.

"Sorry."

"No you're not."

"What can I say Cas? Its damn good pie. And it deserves to be eaten."

"Yes but as good as it is, I don't want to see the remainder of it in your mouth." Cas moved to join him on the sofa. "What film would you like to watch?"

"Don't care." Dean replied. Personally he kind of hoped that they wouldn't be watching much of the film.

He watched Cas curl up in the corner of the sofa; his bowl of pie was balanced on his knee and his hand was holding the tv remote as he flicked through some movies on tv. Every now and again he paused to take a spoonful of pie. He seemed to settle on a film, and then went back to eating the pie. It was torture. The way Cas licked his lips between every bite confirmed to Dean how much he wanted him. Cas's tongue darted out, catching the small bits of whipped cream that had been left behind after each bite.

Dean turned away. It would be a little awkward if he just popped a boner by just watching him eat pie. He looked back into his own bowl and took a spoonful. He was trying to decide if he should make a move on him or not, and if so, what the best way would be. He was worried that he would be turned down and would spoil the whole friendship they had going on. Perhaps Cas didn't want to take it any further? He hadn't made a move on Dean. Although when Dean suggested they went back to his, he was more than welcome to accommodate.

Even worse, what if they weren't compatible in the bedroom? Dean was okay switching; in fact, he probably was a switch but he preferred bottoming. What if Cas was solely a bottom? He wondered if that would be a problem. Although, he reasoned that it definitely wouldn't if he never actually made a move at all.

"Dean." Cas said, the deep tone to his voice sent chills through him. Dean turned to look at him. "You have pie, there."

Cas gestured to the corner of Dean's mouth. Dean reached his hand up to brush it off.

"Let me." Cas said quickly and quietly.

Dean looked at him curiously. His pupils were blown, and he was staring resolutely and Dean's lips. He gave a quick nod to Cas who shuffled towards Dean and lifted a hand up to his mouth. He cupped Dean's jaw and the brushed a thumb over the corner of his mouth. Cas them pressed his thumb to his slightly open lips. Sensing the situation, Dean gave a quick lick of Cas's thumb pad, collecting the few crumbs on there. His heart was racing, and by this point Cas was almost on his lap. Cas ran his thumb across the rest of his bottom lip and back again.

The sensual tension in the air was almost palpable. It was as if each of them was holding the end of a piece of string and pulling on it. The tension of the string increased as Dean slid his hands to the sides of Cas. The white shirt dragged across his skin slightly as he placed them there. It became worse again when Cas slipped his thumb between his lips, so it was wet slightly. With a small smile he then slid it over his lips and then across his cheek bones, gently caressing Dean's face. He watched as Cas’s chest rise and fell quickly. His eyes slowly travelled up from Dean’s lips and stopped. Dean gazed into Cas’s eyes.

He was falling. The deep crisp blue was overwhelming to look at. They drew him in. The string between the pulled tighter. He felt Cas’s hand drop from his face. He felt momentarily disappointed, but then it came to rest on the top of his arm, gripping him tight.

“Dean.” Cas breathed out, his voice low and full of lust.

It was the final step. Hearing his name was a catalyst to the string finally snapping, forcing Dean’s lips to collide with Cas’s. He pulled Cas’s body closer to his, and Cas fell into his arms. Cas wrapped his arms around his neck and threaded his fingers into Dean’s short hair. They stayed like this, kissing, exploding each other’s mouths for some time. They were almost too distracted with kissing each other to continue anything.

Dean felt obsessed. The way Cas’s lips and tongue somehow fitted with his own was surprising and amazing. He could taste the sweet cherry pie in his mouth, and it turned him on even more.

He unhooked his hands from Cas’s back and trailed then to the front of his shirt where he started to undo the buttons. He pulled his mouth away from Cas’s for a second to check that he wanted this as much as he did.

“Can I?” Dean murmured into Cas’s mouth as he started to undo the top button. Cas nodded back desperately and threw his head back inviting him to pepper kisses onto his neck. Dean’s fingers worked fast down the buttons and he shoved the shirt down Cas’s shoulders. He grazed his teeth along Cas’s collar bone as his hands explored his bare torso.

As Dean moved back up to his mouth, he felt hands go to pushed Dean’s shirt off. He leaned away slightly and aggressively pulled off his shirt and top, cursing slightly at the amount of layers that he had decided to wear. Their bodies came together again, and this time Dean let Cas lead more. He was pushed downwards onto the sofa so he was lying down, with the other man lying on top of him. Their legs slotted together.

Cas slowly started to kiss down Dean’s chest. He pressed kisses and licks into the most sensitive sorts, making Dean squirm. His mouth covered Dean’s nipple, and teeth grazed softly over the bud. It resulted in Dean moaning and buckling upwards into Cas. He felt Cas smiled into his skin, which consequently made him smile.

“Not to sound presumptuous but perhaps we should take this to the bedroom…” Cas suggested.

“Good plan.” Dean managed to pant out as he sat up and followed Cas who had already made it half was across the room and opened a door.

He entered a softly lit room where Cas was already sitting in the middle of the bed. He dark hair was pushed upwards in all directions, and his bottom lip was bitten and darkening. Dean crawled up the bed so that this time he was leaning over Cas. They started to kiss again, their bodies grinding into each other, hands everywhere. He felt Cas’s hands slowly make his way down to his crotch, and started to undo his belt buckle. His belt slid away and his jeans button was worked on. Once they were open, Dean lifted his hips up as Cas’s hands slid down his hips dragging his jeans and boxers with them. Dean thought it was unfair that Cas still had his jeans on and immediately started to make the situation correct.

Once all was fair in nakedness terms, Dean lowered his body back onto Cas’s; their erections rubbed together. Both men groaned at the contact.

“Wait, Cas.” Dean pulled away from Cas’s mouth. “Do you have protection, and if so where, and what do you prefer?” He mumbled. Cas blinked up at him a few times.

“I guess I don’t. My parents used to encourage me to keep a gun in the apartment for protection, however I sold it because I decided that I would never be able to actually shoot someone. I’m not sure how this is relevant though.” Cas replied slowly.

It took a few seconds for his brain to catch up with what Cas was saying. And then when he did, he pressed kisses into his neck and laughed deeply. Cas mumbled in confusion at the laughter, and the apparent halt in their previous activity.

“Cas, I meant condoms. Do you have condoms?” Dean laughed. He watched Cas’s face turn for confusion to mortification. Dean pulled him up to an upright sitting position into his arms and pressed kisses onto his blushing cheeks. Cas tried to murmur apologises, but Dean merely caught them into his mouth. Eventually Cas was giggling along with Dean.

“And yes.” Cas finally replied. He reached over to the bedside table and pulled out a condom and tube of lube. “They’re my favorite brand.”

“You have a favorite brand of condom?” Dean looked down surprisingly at the small packet in Cas’s hand.

“Yes.” He replied, as if it were a very common phenomenon. “You or me?” Dean shrugged at his question.

“I switch.”

“Me too. You’re the guest here. What do you prefer?”

“Bottom.” Dean replied, his throat tight, hoping that it was perhaps the correct answer. Cas grinned.

In a moment, Cas flipped Dean onto his back so they he was on top again. Cas started making his way down his body. Dean felt an experimental tongue slid across the slit on his cock. Dean leaned back into the bed and relaxed as Cas took him into his mouth. A slick finger started to prep him as Cas’s mouth took Dean’s length into it. His body buzzed with pleasure and excitement. He wound his fingers encouragingly into Cas’s soft thick hair.

He felt a second finger enter him, this time they both brushed upwards as they found his prostate. Dean’s hips buckled upwards into Cas’s mouth; who choked slightly. He muttered an apology, which was long forgotten once Cas started scissoring his fingers and applying pressure to the rim.

“More, please… Cas.” Dean whined.

A third digit was inserted and Cas pulled his mouth away from Dean's dick. A trail of precum and spit dripped down his chin. He leaned up towards Dean looking for his mouth. Dean leaned forward slightly and propped himself up on his elbows so that his mouth was able to collide with Cas's. The made out for a little while longer before Dean pulled away. Cas was now scissoring three fingers in and out of him, which brushed against his prostate every few times.

"I need more. I need you Castiel." Dean moaned. He didn’t need to be told twice.

Cas reached up and propped a pillow underneath Dean's hips before rolling the condom onto himself and grabbing extra lube.

"You ready?" Dean nodded.

He willed his body to relax as the hot, solid length was pushed in. He wrapped his legs around Cas as he felt the familiar burn of himself stretching around his cock. Cas was buried fully in him, but wasn’t moving yet, letting Dean get used to the stretch. He pressed kissed into the crook of his neck, and Dean looked up at the ceiling; breathing heavily through his arousal and dull pain. After a minute, Dean experimentally clenched around Cas, who whined into Dean’s mouth.

“Move now.” Dean demanded, not caring if it sounded rude or desperate. He needed Cas, he wanted Cas.

Cas started to thrust slowly in and out of Dean. He managed angle himself so that he brushed against Dean’s prostate every other time.

As Cas sped up, Dean knew he wouldn’t be lasting much longer. Every nerve ending was on fire. Their bodies rose and fell together, getting rougher and needier by the second. It was almost unbearable when Cas reach a hand between their bodied and ran his hand up the length of him. When his thumb brushed along the point on the underside of his penis in time with Cas thrusting up against his prostate; Dean lost it.

He moaned as his head rolled back and Cas sucked into the skin on his neck. He painted their stomachs with streaks of hot white fluid and groaned Cas’s name whilst Cas rode him through his orgasm. This is what did it for Cas, who then erratically thrusted up into Dean and panted heavily before collapsing onto Dean’s chest.

Dean felt totally and utterly blissed out. He knew that sex with Cas was going to be good. He didn’t know however that the first time was going to be quite that erotic and arousing to him. He blindly wondered how they were going to beat that. He wrapped a sweaty arm up around Cas, and pulled him up for lazy kisses. He felt Cas smile into his mouth.

“That was…” Cas started deeply. He cut off the rest of the sentence by pushing a kiss up into his mouth. Dean didn’t need any words right then. He knew how good it had made them feel, and was just happy holding Cas right now.

“I know.” He replied back. They stayed there for another few minutes, listening to one another breathe.

After a while, Cas rolled off Dean and reached up to the bedside table. He extracted a packet of wet wipes, and after rolling the condom off himself, proceeded to gentle wipe down Dean.  The act in itself was so sweet and caring, that if he was younger and not quite so sated, it would have definitely got him going again. Instead, he learned towards Cas’s touch, and let relax. He watched Cas crawl back over to him after he wiped himself down. He then pulled Dean into a hug, so gratefully accepted.

“Will you stay over?” Cas quietly asked.

“Dude, I don’t think I can move anywhere, even if I wanted to.” Dean replied from Cas’s chest. Cas let out a soft huff of laugher.

“Good.”

If anyone asked, Dean would always deny that he was a cuddler. But right now, he snuggled down into Cas’s arms, appreciating the warmth and stability they provided and he let himself drift off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically Dean and Cas have sex, but its described pretty explicitly. There's nothing too significant in the chapter that if you decide to skip it, it would be fine. However has a few jokes that relate to "Dubious Protection Techniques". The 'sexy scene' starts about half way down, and before that is just them in Cas's apartment.


	10. Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten:

 

_Three Months Later_

Dean struggled with getting the fitted sheet onto the mattress in the spare room. He wasn’t sure of the last time he had changed it, or the last time anyone had even used the spare room since Sam left for England. Now Sam was coming home for Christmas and new year, he had decided that it would probably be nice for Sam to have a fresh set of sheets. Dean had never been able to get the knack of tucking the corners under the mattress without another popping off again. It was almost cartoon like. His Mom was always extremely good at this. He thought for a second that he should perhaps call her for some help, before he remembered that he was a 28-year-old man who shouldn’t really need his mother’s help to make a bed.

Sam was arriving in about an hour, as he had just text Dean to say he was picking his hire car up now. It was only a 50-minute drive from Kansas City International airport, and the route was pretty easy. All he had to do was go south towards Kansas City and then take the interstate 70 west until he hit Lawrence. He knew it so well, as to get to Cas’s house he took the exact same interstate east. It was an easy drive.

The original plan was for Dean to pick Sam up from the airport, however the station had put him on call for today, meaning that he had to stay in Lawrence in case of emergencies. Therefore, Sam had offered to get a hire car and drive himself here.

Once he had battled with the bedding, he went back downstairs and settled himself of the sofa. The Christmas tree stood in the corner of the room, which Cas had helped him decorate. They had drunk hot chocolate with whiskey as they did, and some of the skewed ornaments definitely showed they amount of alcohol that they had consumed. The angel on top to the tree was jauntily leaning to the left, as if itself was drunk. That had been the weekend after thanksgiving, and now it was only 5 days before Christmas.

It was strange to have a day off (/on call) and not have Cas around at his, or him not being at Cas’s. One the days they weren’t at work they tended to congregate to one of their apartments, even if the other was at work. If Cas had a day off, he would drive to Dean’s and wait for Dean to get home so they could spend the evening together, and vice versa. On the occasion they both had the weekend off, they would alternate between staying Lawrence and Kansas City.

A lot of their time was definitely spent in bed. Not just having sex, even though that was a major perk, but they just talked. Dean talked about his childhood, how his father was an alcoholic, and how his mother almost died in a fire. He talked about growing up, his Dad never being able to keep a stable job so they constantly moved around the country until finally when Sam went to college in Stanford and Dean had complete a fire science course at Kansas City community college and had an EMT; his Mom snapped and threw his Dad out. She settled down in Lawrence, the place which both Dean and Sam were born, and his Dad went to rehab. They were back together now, and his Dad had been sober for 5 years.

Cas told him about his strict religious upbringing, how his parents were disapproving about his sexuality but never said anything too bad about it, just enough to make him feel uncomfortable. He mentioned about how he had struggled with depression when he was a teenager, and how the doctors who helped him eventually inspired to become a doctor himself. He told him how Lucifer had kidnapped people and held them for ransom until they paid. This was hard to listen to when Cas told him this, as his voice trembled as he spoke about it. Dean had wondered if this was the first time he had actually talked about it out loud. He held him tightly through this.

They discussed a lot cheerier things also. How Cas loved bees. He never stopped going on about bees, and his favorite type of honey. He ate it every morning on bread that he made. Every weekend Cas’s apartment was flooded with the smell of warm fresh baking bread as Cas made two loaves to carry him through the week. If Dean was lucky, Cas made him a loaf. He told Dean who he liked to have fresh flowers in the house, which had stemmed from his Mom being a gardener. Hours passed when they talked to each other.

Dean found himself just enjoying being around Cas. There was no pressure or awkwardness between them. Nothing felt forced, like they were required to spend time together. They just did.

He hadn’t taken it any further than just “seeing each other”. Neither of them had used the boyfriend word, neither of them had introduced then to their family or friends, neither of them had pushed it any further.

It had been just over three months since they had slept together. This fact shocked Dean slightly as he realised that this was currently his longest relationship since Lisa. Longest relationship in three years. Part of him was impressed with himself. He had managed to keep Cas around this long, why not longer? Another part was terrified. He was 28, Cas 29. It was very likely that this could be the person he would settle down with for the long run. His parents had already had Dean at this age and most of his friends from school and work were starting to settle. He had settled a bit with Lisa. But it hadn’t worked. What if this time it didn’t work?

It currently didn’t matter though, as they were both happy in where their relationship was. What did make it more awkward is that Sam was coming to visit, and Dean was planning on having Cas over for Christmas eve. He would have to explain the situation to him. Explaining anything like that to Sam was awkward, as he just got this big goofy grin on his face and usually started asking stupid questions like ‘Dean, can I be you best man when you get married?’. Of course the answer was yes, but it didn’t make the question any more acceptable.

He glanced at the clock on the kitchen wall. Still another 20 minutes before Sam was supposed to get there. He thought about calling Cas to pass the time. Sometimes if Cas isn’t busy or on his break he would answer. However, it tended to end up with them chatting for ages, or on one or two occasions phone sex occurred, which couldn’t happen with Sam coming here soon.

Dean sighed dramatically thinking how nice it would be just to have Cas here with him. He switched on the tv and flicked through the channels. He settled on a re-run of Dr Sexy, and made sure he had the remote near him so that he could quickly turn it off or change channels if Sam was early. He settled down into the sofa and focused on the tv show.

 

The episode of Dr Sexy finished. Dean frowned. Dr Sexy episodes lasted 40 minutes, and he had definitely just watched one from start to finish. He checked the time; Sam should have been here 20 minutes ago. The moose was probably just stuck in traffic or something. Coming out the airport and through Kansas City could sometimes be busy, and Dean had been stuck in a queue there multiple times before. He checked his phone to see if he had received a text or missed call. Nothing. To be fair to Sam, he would probably never even look at his phone when driving, even if he was stuck in a queue because he was such a goody-two shoes. Dean thought about sending him a text or something, but he realised that if Sam was driving, he wouldn’t be able to look at it anyway. He turned back to the tv and saw another episode of Dr Sexy was starting so he shrugged and continued to watch it.

 

Two episodes later, there was no word from Sam. He was almost two hours late now. Dean shouldn’t be worried, it was only two hours; Sam had probably just got stopped at the airport and forgotten to text Dean. Or he’d probably tried to save an abandoned puppy on the side of the road. He had done that before. It was probably another one of those situations.

More than anything, Dean was getting impatient and bored now. He had planned the afternoon and evening to be spent with his brother, not sitting alone watching Dr Sexy. He turned off the television and made himself a cup of coffee to pass the time. He thought about calling Sam, to see if he had got lost or something. Instead, he sent a text asking for his e.t.a. Dean thought that that was casual enough so that if Sam was fine then he wouldn’t tease him for worrying.

Not that he was worrying or anything.

He slowly sipped the hot coffee; the bitter liquid calmed his nerves momentarily. He made a mental note that if in half an hour Sam hadn’t arrived or called, he would call Sam. Once this plan was set into Dean’s mind he decided to distract himself with Cas’s Christmas present.

They hadn’t really discussed presents or anything, but Dean knew that he didn’t have many people who were very close to him, and therefore he definitely deserved a present. Or a few… A few weeks ago, Cas had been complaining that he found it annoying to have to read scientific journals (whatever they were) online. So he had decided to get Cas a 12-month subscription to one of them. He knew he had seen Cas reading one of their articles online, so hoped it was the correct one. If not, he’d just send them to Sam. He had been hiding the December issue in his wardrobe so that Cas wouldn’t see it when he came around. Dean decided it would be a nice surprise on Christmas Eve to have the magazine wrapped and on the coffee table, alongside Dean’s usual magazines.

He collected it from his room and headed back into the living room and placed it on the coffee table. It made him smile to see the car and science magazines sitting next to each other. Dean started to look for some Christmassy wrapping paper when his phone rang. He headed to the kitchen where he left it, thinking that it was probably Sam calling him.

He was surprised when the caller I.D. said that it was Cas. As much as he would have liked the relief that would have come from Sam calling, Cas was definitely the next best option. Therefore, he picked up his phone and answered the call.


	11. Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven:

 

_Approximately 3 hours before_

The day had been uneventful. In other departments, an un-busy day might mean that is was boring, however in the ER, it meant that he was directed away from trauma patients and surgery, and towards patients who only needed a few stiches. Although he didn’t wish anyone to be coming to the trauma centre of the ER, he also found treating people who were barely ill was very boring to Cas. On this particular day his most interesting patient was a woman who was complaining of stomach cramps which turned out to be quite bad period pains.

He had let his mind wander that afternoon to Dean. He found that he did this quite often; he wondered what Dean was doing, how he was feeling, when he would next see him. He knew that Sam was flying in to stay with Dean today, but he couldn’t quite remember what time. He knew Dean had been looking forward to Sam visiting for a number of weeks now. It did mean that Cas probably couldn’t sneak in any late night phone calls to Dean, but it didn’t matter to much. He could easily still text Dean, and was going to visit him on Christmas Eve.

Dean had invited him to spend the day before Christmas with him, as he knew that Cas had it off. They were both going to their respective parents’ house of Christmas day, but it did mean that he would get to wake up in Dean’s arms on Christmas morning. He had never done that before; waking up in someone else’s bed on Christmas. The thought made his heart flutter with happiness.

He would also get to meet Sam again, which he was quite pleased about as he found Dean’s brother very interesting to talk to. Although Dean hadn’t really discussed it with him, it would also mean that Dean would have to tell Sam about Cas. And maybe it would allow their relationship to progress further.

He wanted to be Dean’s boyfriend. It was a thing that he yearned for desperately. Of course, what they were doing was fantastic and more than Cas had ever hoped for. But he wanted that final confirmation. He tried not to dwell these thoughts, but his mind couldn’t help it. He was bored.

When they received a call of a red risk trauma injury patient from a serious MVA who was being flown in (via helicopter), Cas was almost relieved. Not for the patient, obviously, but more for his own sanity. It would stop him analysing his relationship with Dean. They quickly prepped a unit, making sure all amenities were available so that they could try and save this poor man’s life.

Cas started to mentally prepare as he made his way up to the helipad with some of the nurses on his trauma team. He relaxed his mind, clearing it of distractions. It was a body that he needed to fix. And he could fix it. He had brought people back from the dead before, and he knew he would do it again. They exited the onto the roof, propping all the doors open ready to roll the patient into the lifts and take him to ER. They watched the helicopter fly down, and the patient was rolled out.

This is when the switch clicked and the team flew into action.

“Young man, estimated early 20s in a MVA, multiple fractures to the left leg, blunt head trauma, potential skull fracture suspected abdominal bleed, plenty of lacerations, no known spinal or neck injuries, however as usual we’ll keep the brace on.” The paramedic shouted as the ran with the trolly along the roof. They bundled into the lift, and started taking his vitals.

His bloody pressure was dangerously low, which Cas wasn’t surprised at seeing the amount of blood which had soaked into the patient’s clothes, skin and hair. He made a mental list of things that they needed to achieve within the next 5 minutes to save the patient’s life. Bloods, fluids, adrenaline, scans, basically everything possible in a trauma.

The man was unstable. Cas decided that the best option was to induce a coma in the man. This could help stabilize him, so that he was healthy enough for surgery, which he definitely needed. But he never got to complete this. After a few minutes of desperately trying to pump fluids and drugs into the patient, he started to crash.

The tell-tale beep that haunted Cas’s dreams whined out. The crash trolley appeared at Cas’s side within a second, and he was soon prepping the patient. He charged the paddles and called out a warning to his team who stepped back from the body. He shocked the patient and looked straight to the vitals on. No output. He tried again.

This time there was success. He breathed a sigh of relief, however the man definitely wasn’t out of the danger zone yet. They needed to fix the bleed in the patient’s abdomen. It was risky, and the surgery team was prepped. But the patient wasn’t stable. It was likely that he would just die on the table. Without it however, he was going to die anyway.

He breathed.

“We have got to get him to surgery.” Cas ordered as the nurses started to remove the defibrillation pads from the patient’s bare chest.

No. It can’t be.

“Stop! Wait!” Cas grabbed onto the trolley as the team started to wheel it away.

He brushed his hand over the man’s chest, invoking some strange looks from the nurses. It was Dean’s tattoo. On the man’s chest. Cas didn’t notice it earlier with the blood dried over it.

He looked at the mans face. His body filled with relief when he realised it wasn’t Dean. Dean’s hair was much shorter, and face was a totally different shape. He knew it wasn’t his Dean anyway; he had seen Dean’s body hundreds of times. It wasn’t the same shape or look.

Then another thought crossed his mind.

“Get me a wet cloth.” He demanded to the person who was nearest to him, not caring if he was being rude.

“Doctor Novak we need to keep moving.” He heard someone say.

“Please. Wait.” Cas was handed a wet wipe and started to gentle wipe some of the bloods off the man’s face. It was difficult to tell definitions on the face, and even harder with the grazing and giant tube protruding from the patient’s throat.

His knees were desperately trying to buckle underneath him. He ran a hand through the man’s hair to try and detect the length and color. It was matted with drying blood, but it was obvious that the patient kept his hair longer than the average males. Even with the blood, he could tell it was brown.

Brown ‘girly hair’. Short nose. Tall. Built. Strange tattoo.

A cold sweat ran though Cas’s body.

“I know this man.” He announced. A flurry of sympathetic looks was sent to him. “I think. I hope not.”

“We’ll do the best we can.” A surgeon had joined them at this point, and patted Cas on the shoulder. It wasn’t reassuring.

One of the nurses came up to him.

“Who do you think it is? Maybe we can contact next of kin or something to confirm.” She said kindly.

“Sam.” Cas stood there in shock as his body was wheeled away from him. “His name is Sam Winchester. And I know next of kin. My... best friend is. That’s his brother.” He managed to stutter out details.

Hannah, the nurse, took his hands in hers and looked up at him sweetly.

“Doctor Novak, Castiel, would you like me to contact him?”

“No. I will. Let me, please.” Cas replied, Hannah nodded with a pitying smile, and left the room.

Cas remained. He was vaguely aware of some nurses coming in and tidying around the station and bed they had been working on. He looked down at his hands. They were covered in blood. Sam’s blood. He had to call Dean. Cas prayed that this was some silly misunderstanding, and that Sam was sitting in Dean’s house drinking beer.

His lets carried his back to the staff room where he retrieved his phone. With shaking, bloody hands, he tapped on the screen to Dean’s name and started to call him. Cas’s heart thumped in his chest.

“Hey Cas.” Dean said brightly down the receiver.

“Dean. Is Sam there?” He quickly asked.

“No actually. He was supposed to arrive like two hours ago.”

Cas sat down. He couldn’t do this. He had to do this.

“Does he have a tattoo like yours? On his chest.” Cas tried to keep his voice as mellow and calm as possible.

“Yeah.” Dean sounded concerned. “We got it together. Why?”

“Dean, I think Sam is here.” Cas stated.

“Why would he be at the hospital Cas?”

“There’s been a traffic collision, on the interstate 70 west bound. A man was brought to us.”

“No Cas, don’t…” He heard Dean’s voice break down the line.

“I think it may be Sam.”

Silence.

“Is he?...” Deans breaths came of unsteady.

“He isn’t dead.” Cas started, it was almost a lie. “But I would get here soon.”

“He’s okay right? He’ll be okay?” Dean begged down the line.

“I would just get here Dean.” He couldn’t tell Dean the truth over the phone. “Do you have a number for your parents, I can call them.”

“No, fuck Cas! You said you weren’t even sure it was him. I’ll call them when I get there okay?”

“Of course Dean.”

“Look after him Cas, I’m on my way.”

With that, Dean hung up on him.

His mind seemed disjointed with his body. Dean was coming to the hospital. That was good. Sam was in the middle of surgery that had the potential to kill him or save him. He had put Sam in a coma. Sam had died. He was covered in Sam’s drying blood. If it was any other family, Cas would recommended them to say goodbye.

 

*MVA motor vehicle accident

 

Chapter 12

The impala roared beneath him as he sped down the highway. He had his foot flat out on the accelerator, not caring that he was definitely breaking the speed limit. He kept his eyes on the road in front of him. Cas’s voice echoed in his head.

I think Sam is here…

He isn’t dead…

I would just get here Dean…

It wasn’t what Cas had said, but rather what he didn’t say that made him feel sick. Cas was an honest and blunt man. The fact that he didn’t tell Dean that Sam was okay, meant that he was hiding something.

He didn’t understand how Sam could even be there. Sam was a safe driver. He had never had to worry about car accidents with Sammy.

He noticed in the opposite direction of roads there was a load of flashing lights in the distance. He slowed down slightly as he passed the scene. He could spot at least 4 cars piled into each other. One car had a roof totally removed. One car was unrecognisable as a car. Another was on its roof. His mouth went dry as he realised that there were a number of black cloths covering large lumps on the road.

Bodies.

His blood ran cold. Dean knew that that was the I-70 west. He was going east on it. It was the road at Sam would have definitely taken from the airport. His brain noted that it was a miracle that they seemed to have even got a body out of there.

It wasn’t a body. It was Sam. His brother wasn’t supposed to be lying in a fucking hospital, let alone being on deaths bed. Sammy was the successful one; went to college, graduated with the highest grades, been the most successful. He was going to marry a nice girl before he was thirty and have cute kids; a couple of nieces and nephews for Dean to spoil rotten and to teach how to play football seeing Sam was awful at that kind of thing.

In half an hour he made it to the hospital in Kansas City. He hastily parked in impala in the car park, annoyed that he couldn’t find a space closer. He cursed the stupid attendant who didn’t seem to give a damn.

Dean realised he had no idea where he was supposed to go. He stood in the reception, and looked around for some directions or anything. His chest tightened as he looked at the sign. He didn’t recognise the words. He did a EMT, he should know where his own fucking brother was. Instead he was standing still in a room with sick people walking around him.

He ran a hand through his hair and rubbed his eyes, pushing the tears away.

“Dean!” He heard a familiar voice say.

He looked up out his hand to see Cas standing in front of him. His dark hair looked dishevelled and his blue eyes dangerous.

“Where is he?” Dean managed to say.

“Surgery.” He received a blunt reply, before Cas started moving and beckoned him to follow.

Dean was thankful that Cas didn’t try and smother him, or hold him or comfort him. He just needed to know where Sammy was, and he needed to know he was safe, and what was wrong with him in that order. Cas walked quickly down sets of meticulously clean corridors until they came to a corridor which Cas had his fob to open. The corridor was empty, and had a few sets of doors with a couple of seats on. Cas gestured for Dean to take a seat.

“Cas, where is he?” He didn’t sit.

“He’s through those doors.” Dean went to move through them, but Cas blocked his way. “He’s in trauma surgery Dean, you can’t go through. But I brought you here because this is the closest I can get you to him.”

“He’s going to live.” It wasn’t a question he asked. Cas couldn’t meet his eyes.

“Dean, I’m not 100% sure it’s Sam. I have only met him once, and it’s hard to tell. Is his tattoo identical to yours? In the same place and everything?”

He nodded. Cas looked crest fallen. He knew that Cas was hoping Dean had a different answer. Cas started to walk back down the corridor. Dean followed him again.

There was a silence between. There were probably sounds of the hospital. Dean didn’t hear them. He didn’t care what anyone else could say to him. He had to hear Cas say that Sam was alright.

They entered a room with a warm tone to it. It contained a small machine to make hot drinks, and a television. The seats looked soft and comfy. Cas sat down on one of the sofas and reached out to Dean’s hand, and pulled him down next to him. Cas covered his hands with his own. They were cool on Dean’s skin. Cas then removed his hand and cupped Dean’s face. He lifted his chin so that his was looking into Cas’s face.

“Sam was in a very serious accident. He was flown here by helicopter from the car accident and we immediately were working to save his life. We’ve given him multiple blood transfusions. He has leg fractures, but I’m not sure of the severity of these. He also has a blunt head trauma, which we think had developed into a small subdural hematoma, which is a bleed in the brain. Once he is stable, Sam will probably have to have surgery for that. However currently he is in surgery for an abdominal bleed. I suspect that it was a ruptured spleen, which can be fixed. Once they have that that sorted, they’ll probably induce a coma, which will help stabilise Sam.” Cas told his softly as he rubbed a thumb over Dean’s face.

“He’ll be okay?” Dean asked, leaning into Cas’s hand.

“I don’t know.” Cas replied quietly.

“But it’s Sammy.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

Dean shook his head. He didn’t understand it. Pulling away from Cas, he tried to stand up, needing to move or clear his head. They weren’t doing enough. What was the point of Cas sitting here when he could help Sammy? And why couldn’t he see him? Surely it had been an hour since Sam went in for surgery. They just need to fix a bleed; it shouldn’t take that long.

 Wasn’t aware he was saying this out loud until Cas grabbed his shoulders.

Dean was shaking, his hands scraping through his hair. His Cas stood in front of him. Without thinking he fell forward into Cas’s arms and buried his face into the crook of Cas’s neck. He shook and breathed deeply, taking in the fresh smell. It was the same scent as Dean remembered when he went on forest walks with his Mom. Earthy, grounding, warm. Cas’s strong arms lead him back to the sofa, allowing Dean to lean into Cas further.

“He will live Cas. He had to, he’s my brother.” Dean said with determination, even though his voice wavered. “It’s my job to look after Sammy. Dad drank, Mom worked, I looked after my lil’ pain the ass brother. And so he can’t just die.”

He pulled away and grabbed Cas’s shirt in his fists so that he was staring at him straight in the face. He pulled him into a rough kiss; needing that quick connection. The felt Cas’s lips, dry and chapped under his. It was toothy, and Cas tried to pull away.

“Dean, don’t” Cas turned his head away. Dean frowned.

“Come on. I need you, please.”

“You’re upset. And rightfully so. You don’t need to force me to kiss you.”

Dean loosened his grip. His hands were shaking. He needed Cas. Now. It wasn’t fair.

He pushed Cas away from him and stood up.

“What are you doing Cas?” Dean started, his voice raising. Cas stayed seated, looking confused.

“I don’t understand…”

“Cause right now, you aren’t doing anything are you? You’re supposed to be the doctors! You can do more.”

“Dean, I’m not allowed.”

“That’s not enough Cas! I need you to save Sam because I don’t fucking know what’s happening, and you are here, and you do understand, so you can save him!”

“Dean don’t raise your voice at me please.”

Silence.

“Fine. Don’t help Sam. Do whatever the fuck your supposed to do. I’m going to go call my parents to tell them their youngest son is dying in a hospital.” Dean threw the door open on the room and walked down the corridor, not daring to look back at Cas.

He heard him name being called, but just ignored it. He followed signs to the exit, tears threatening to spill. His vision blurred and hands shook. He tried to scroll through his phone to call his Mom. He hit the outside. The fresh air shocked his lungs, overwhelmed his body. Dean breathed into it.

The cool December air washed over his skin; calming him. Sam would be okay. He would call his Mom and Dad. He could apologise to Cas. A mantra. He focused on it. Focused on the feel of the concrete ground below his boots. Focused on the heavy rumble of cars in the distance.

Sam would be okay. He would call his Mom and Dad. He could apologise to Cas.

 

-

Meeting his Mom and Dad in the family and friends waiting room had been awful. His Dad was quiet. He didn’t say anything to Dean. He took control of the situation, and asked the nurse for updates on Sam. Watching his Mom was worse. Her usually bright and happy demeanour had been stolen. The yellows turned gray; smiles to frowns. She sat next to his Dad and he wrapped an arm tightly around her shoulder whenever someone came to update them.

Cas had long gone. He hadn’t seen him since he yelled at him. He felt a pang of jealously as he looked at his parents sitting there; supporting each other. He could do with having Cas to comfort him now.

The next time he saw Cas was when they had finally told them that Sam was out of surgery and was stable He had been hovering outside the room which Sam was in; looking slightly guilty. And he couldn’t just invite Cas along whilst his parents were there; Dean had ignored him. He wanted to see Sam. It was about 5 hours after his parents had arrived but Sam was still in intensive care, and had been put into a coma.

It shocked Dean. There were tubes woven in and out of Sam’s body, protruding from his mouth and skin. There was a large gaze over Sam’s forehead which had scabbed over and was turning dark. A cast covered the entirety of his left leg. They were warned not to touch Sam anywhere except his hands and arms. Apparently his spleen had been removed and his abdomen was extremely tender. His neck was still in a brace, as although they suspected there was no neck or spine injuries, it was difficult to tell sometimes. His head was wrapped in bandages. They had drilled holes into his skull to drain the bleed. Machines around Sam beeped and hummed. It didn’t look like there was supposed to be a human there.

They kept using the word stable. It irritated Dean. His brother didn’t look stable; he looked the furthest away from stable that anyone could. He looked like a fake dummy that had been posed in a hospital. It looked fake. Even though the beeping of the heart monitors said otherwise; Dean couldn’t see any life.

His Mom collapsed into the chair next to her baby. She gingerly picked up Sam’s hand and held tight onto it. Her tears flowed freely as she pressed her cheek into his palm. If Sam was awake he would have wrapped his sasquatch sized arms around his Mommy and hugged her. He wasn’t doing that. His arms stayed by his side.

Dean made his way around to the other side of Sam as his Dad went to comfort his Mom. They sat there in silence as the reality sank in that this was their Sam.


	12. Chapter Twelve

Chapter Twelve:

 

Cas stood at the end of Sam’s bed. Neither Dean nor his family were there at that current time. It was just Cas and Sam. He checked Sam’s vitals and records. He was still stable. Definitely improving; but not by much. It had been four days since his accident. From the cases that Cas had seen before, he was surprised that Sam had made it quite so far. He wasn’t shocked; Dean had always described Sam as being tough. The two of them were survivors.

He still had a long way to go though. No one just happily skips out of a subdural hematoma, even if, thankfully, it was on the smaller side. It had managed to be drained. Didn’t mean that Sam would have any brain damage or side effects. He had seen smaller hematomas that had caused permanent brain damage. Equally he had seen larger ones which had led to full recovery. Cas knew that only time could tell.

The door of Sam’s small private room swung open. He turned to see who was entering. Dean. Cas immediately looked away and back down to Sam’s records. His mouth suddenly became dry. The man who Cas used to be able to talk to so effortlessly now hardly said a word to him.

“Hey.” Dean croaked slightly. Cas wondered if he was talking to him or Sam. He looked up and saw Dean looked at him.

“Hello.” He replied civilly.

“How is Sam doing?”

“As expected.” He answered honestly. Dean frowned.

“What does that mean?”

“He is improving. But not by miles. However, with brain injuries, healing takes a long time and can be very laborious.”

“Right.”

He sensed a tone in Dean’s voice which he had heard a few times in the past few days. Dean was pissed off.

“Dean…”

“Don’t.” Dean turned and glared at him. “Don’t ‘Dean’ me Cas. You are just letting him rot here. I don’t understand why you can’t do more!”

“I have told you. Sam needs to heal, and his body can do that. But it takes time.”

“Right.”

“I can’t do any more. No one can.” Cas tried to put a comforting hand on Dean’s shoulder. He was immediately shrugged off.

“Do you want more money?”

“What?...”

“Is that it? You want more money. Surely there’s some sort of drug in the market that you can use. You are supposed to be the clever one Cas. You are supposed to be the famous doctor who actually worked towards some cell things for brain injuries!” Dean breathed heavily and turned away from Cas. “You don’t even do anything Cas. You just stand here and watch people. Just look at the heart rate and blood pressure and hope for the best. Sammy was the one that was bringing new drugs and research in. He would know what to do.” He sounded angry and bitter.

“You know if there was something I could do I would.” Cas replied honestly. “I have already asked Gabriel and every other person I know who is doing any brain recovery trials, with IPS cells or not, and there’s nothing that they can do for Sam right now. I don’t know what else I can do or suggest!”

“Whatever.”

It was Cas’s turn to get irritated now. It was unjust that he was getting annoyed with Dean. Any other family member, in any other case would be acting exactly the same as Dean. He always thought that in serious cases, like Sam, it was actually worse for the family. Sam was going to get better or worse; it didn’t depend on his family. It depended on the doctors and nurses. However somehow it always ended up that the family and God, always helped the patient. The family was convinced that their presence and talking cured the patient, and that religion allowed this. He was cynical about this view. Support from family was good, and it had been shown that coma patients heard their families. And of course Cas couldn’t fault religion on giving people hope and faith. But usually religion and families got in the way.

With other cases, it didn’t bother him. Families could shout at him, families could complain, families could hate him. Ever since he was young he had found it easy to take any criticism or anger and store it away. It stemmed from his parents. They were definitely pushy parents who encouraged all their children to be smart, and educated. He had had to follow his parent’s rules and structure until he had moved out. It had been an extremely strict environment, where his parents would shout and criticize him. He learnt quickly how to be a good solider and how deal with other people’s emotions.

He was a good solider. Followed the rules. Got excellent grades. Succeeded as a doctor. Now? Dean had changed that. He had let his barriers down with Dean and it had been exciting. He had let himself feel happiness with him.

That didn’t work in the hospital though. Now Dean was angry at him, and Cas felt it. He felt upset at Dean’s reaction and that annoyed him. He was a doctor in the ER, families being angry at him wasn’t his problem. He had dealt with what Dean was saying to him from other people at least weekly; it never usually bothered him. But now it did.

“Dean, there is really nothing I can do.” Cas felt himself almost pleading for Dean’s forgiveness or affection; he didn’t know. “And if there was, I would do it. You know I care and I would do anything. Sam isn’t even in the department I work in. I’m an ER doctor, not intensive care. But I’m still here, I will do anything to help Sam.”

“Please just shut up Cas. If you can’t help him, then I don’t give a shit. Go back to the ER, if you can’t help then what are you even doing here?”

“I’m here to keep an eye on Sam and to make sure everything is going as well as it should. I’m here because I care! I’m here to support you Dean!” Cas silently cursed himself for raising his voice at Dean as soon as the words yell out his mouth.

Dean turned to look at him. His green eyes were dark and filled with rage. A smarter man would have run and apologised; Cas however planted his feet as Dean approached him.

“You care?” Dean taunted. “That’s nice. That’ll help. Although if you weren’t here, and if I didn’t know you, Sam would be happily sitting in my house drinking egg nog.”

“I don’t understand.” Dean laughed dryly.

“Let me spell it out for you Castiel. I took days off and holiday time off to spend with you over the past couple of months. This meant that I wasn’t able to take the day off to go and pick Sam up from the airport. It means that if I wasn’t on call because of you, I would have picked Sam up, and therefore Sam would have been okay. Capeesh?”

“Or you’d both be lying in hospital beds.” Cas angrily suggested. Dean was being ridiculous.

“Whatever. It is your fault that Sam is here. So if you can’t physically help him, then just fuck off.” He spat out.

Cas never cried. His parents said it was weak to cry; so he never did. But a prickly warmth was building behind his eyes, threatening to spill.  He clenched his jaw and took a deep breath in. Cas nodded. Dean didn’t want him, and he had to accept that.

“Goodnight Dean.” Cas said as he turned and left the room.

He didn’t reply. Cas glanced back to see Dean return to his seat next to Sam. He kept walking away.

-

 

That evening Cas went to the nearest shop that was still open on Christmas eve. He brought as much alcohol that he could carry in his hands and took it home.

He collapsed onto his sofa once he got back to his stupid flat and cracked open the bottle of whiskey. He took a gulp from the bottle, and let the liquid sear and burn his throat. He lay back onto the sofa and accepted, then repeated the pain. It was better to concentrate on this, than it was to think about Dean.

The Dean who had held him so tenderly on the very same sofa that he sat on, was the same Dean that had blamed Sam’s health on him and had told him to fuck off. Cas didn’t quite understand it. The relationship that was so perfect almost 5 days ago, was falling apart before his eyes. He could have done more. Maybe it was his fault? Dean was probably right; if he had picked Sam up then they would all be sitting at Dean’s now happy and content. Instead Sam was in a coma, Dean was watching over his brother and Cas was drinking whiskey on his own.

He tipped the bottle slightly too much and some of the whiskey slopped down his front. He almost laughed at how pitiful he was. Cas got up and trudged to the kitchen. He threw the fridge open and cursed the emptiness of it. As he slammed it shut, Cas saw the clock on the wall tick past 12.

The hand flicked further. It was officially the next day. Cas lifted up the whiskey bottle and threw a few small gulps back. In a different universe, he would have been sitting or sleeping alone, un-aware of Dean Winchester. In another he would be wrapped up with Dean, perhaps watching a movie sipping a hot drink. Either way would have been better than his current situation, where he knew exactly what he was missing out on. He pined for the closeness of a warm body. He pined for Dean’s lips, his smell, his taste.

He took another swig of the drink before making his way to his bedroom, hoping that he had drunk enough to put him to sleep. Cas striped to his boxers and curled up in his bed. He felt the whiskey pump through his veins, and he relaxed into the warmth the it was giving him. His eyelids were heavy, and he let them close.

“Merry Christmas.” He whispered into the dark room. No one replied.

-

1 week later

Castiel heard that Sam woke up from his coma on New Year’s Day. He was extremely pleased for Sam and his family. Once the patient had woken up it was usually easier for the family to cope with things. The doctors would now be able to communicate with the patient and properly assess a lot of his injuries and symptoms.

Sam would have been moved out of intensive care as soon as he had woken up and the doctors had though he was stable enough to do so. Castiel let himself check the bed that Sam was in when he was in intensive care. It was filled with another patient, who arguably looked a lot worse off than Sam had. At least Sam was out of there now.

It wasn’t unusual for doctors to check on patients that they treated, Castiel reasoned, as he looked on the hospital records to see where Sam was now. He was in a different section of the hospital. It said in his records that there was no sign of permanent brain damage. Castiel was pleasantly surprised; usually with subdural hematomas there was some. He reasoned that Sam may have temporary memory loss or something, as that wouldn’t class as permanent damage. With good therapy Sam would probably make a fully recovery.

He decided to visit Sam, or perhaps just walk pass his ward to see if he was okay. It was his lunch break and it would pass some of the time. He had been working long shifts with little or no breaks, which meant that Castiel hadn’t gone shopping this week so didn’t have any lunch. He certainly couldn’t be bothered to buy some from the canteen.

As he wandered to the ward, his mind blank. He had taken up meditation again as for the past three months he had been distracted. It was nice to just follow orders from his colleagues and accept his life. He didn’t have to have a busy mind filled with emotions and other nonsense. He was a solider.

Castiel arrived at Sam’s ward and saw that he was asleep. He still had plenty of bandages and tubes coming out of him, but the ventilation device had been removed. There was a slightly better colour to his face now, he noted happily. Pleased with what he saw, he returned back to the ER. He cut his lunch break short and continued to work, ignoring the rumbled in his stomach.

-

_Two Weeks Later_

Wake up, shower, grab fruit, work, microwave dinner, sleep. That had been Castiel’s routine. It used to be his routine over three months ago, and he used to be very happy with it. Perhaps before Dean he had made more time for himself; read more, baked bread, visited places. It didn’t seem worth it now. That was too much effort.

Every other day a new step was added to his routine. He took 10 minutes out of his non-existent lunch break to check on Sam. He would never talk or go to his bed, Castiel would just walk through the ward and see that he was getting better. Which he was. Slowly the graze on his face healed up. The bandages became less. His eyes became more bright and his colouring healthier. Recently even the bandage around his head had been removed and a large section of padding remained down a strip on the right side of his head.

Castiel always chuckled about the thought of Sam with part of his head shaved; it would have definitely amused Dean. He constantly used to go on about how stupid he thought Sam’s hair was. Now it definitely looked sillier. He wondered if perhaps Sam would cut it short and grow it out from the same length. Most men did that. Women just styled it to cover the gap, Sam probably had enough hair to do that.

He hadn’t given Dean much thought. Castiel presumed their relationship was over seeing as they hadn’t spoken properly since Dean had told him to leave. He had tried to say hello once when he accidentally crossed Dean’s path in the hospital. He was replied with a curt nod. The other times Castiel had seen Dean was when his lunch hour had crossed with visitation, and Dean and his family were sitting around Sam’s bed.

Dean looked good. He seemed to have a smile on his face now Sam was awake and talking. It probably wasn’t that healthy to casually ‘spy’ on Dean and Sam, but he just had to make sure that they were okay. As much as Dean did try to deny it, he did care. He had cared a lot about Dean.

Arriving at the ward, he sensed something was different. Empty. No one was in or around Sam’s bed. He looked around. Perhaps he had gone or the restroom, or to physiotherapy, or another bed. That was probably the case. Castiel’s heart rate rose as he checked the bed for any signs of Sam returning. There was none.

It was empty.

Castiel raced back down to his office in the ER. His hands shook slightly as he logged onto his computer and checked patient records. His fingers skimmed over the keys as he typed in ‘Samuel Winchester’. Castiel viewed his records and his stomach dropped as soon as he saw the words he had been dreading.

Discharged.

Yesterday.

Sam had left the hospital. That was it, it was all over. No lunch time excursions to check on Sam in the ward. Of course Castiel was extremely glad that Sam was well enough to be discharged, it meant that he had probably not occurred any long term damage. All was well.

Castiel sat still. Focused his mind on nothing, let it go black and into peace. He stood up again and returned to his work.

Before he knew it, he was sitting curled up on his kitchen floor. He hardly remembered his afternoon at work. He didn’t care. Now he was being a child. A childish idiot who was crying over a boy.

Hot angry tears raced down his face, his breathing became unsteady and his mind fuzzy. Sam was gone from the ward. Therefore, Dean was gone for good. It was never much, but he liked to see Dean was well. He still wore those stupid layers of shirts and plaid even as he sat next to a hospital bed. He still had the same hair, same lips, same stupid bow legs. Castiel hadn’t seen his hands when he carefully walked past Sam’s room.

He would never see those hand again. The hands that had held and caressed him so gently would never again. Castiel had traced those hands when Dean had slept. Their hands had entwined perfectly. Dean’s fingers had been shorter than his, but his palms were larger and they felt stronger. They were fireman’s hands; steady and strong.

Castiel leant forward and placed his head onto his knees. His tears sank into the material. He cried for being pathetic. He cried because he was angry. He cried for Dean.

And then he was done. No more. Castiel stood up off the floor and carefully had his way to bed. It was over.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Thirteen:

 

It was a reliving sight to Sam lying back on his sofa. He was still looking a little like a patch work doll with a giant white band aid on his head and a cast on his leg, but it was still Sammy. It had been three long weeks since Sam had been in the accident. It was probably the most stressful and hardest week of Dean’s life, especially when Sam was in the coma. Dean had hardly allowed himself to even think what would have happened if things went slightly worse. A lump appeared in his throat at the thought.

They had found out that Sam wasn’t to blame for the crash, which Dean was thankful for. A driver in had fallen asleep at the wheel and slammed into the car which was next to Sam’s. That car had swerved into Sam’s, which knocked it and Sam’s car had flipped and ended up upside down in the verge. The police man who told them this had also informed them that there was another car that had slammed into the original car, not breaking quickly enough. There was apparently only one survivor from this crash: Sam.

Dean was so grateful. His body almost ached with the feelings of gratitude and relief. Sam was better and alive and living in Dean’s house. He wasn’t back at 100%, he did still have a lot of recovery to go. However, Sam being discharged was a positive step in the right direction.

He handed a large coffee to Sam and sat himself down in the armchair.

“How you feeling? Do you need anything?” Dean checked.

“Do you think I could have some water please?” Sam asked guiltily. “Sorry to be a pain, I just can’t get up.”

“Sammy it is not a problem.” He called out from the kitchen as he grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge.

“Sorry. Thanks.” Sam muttered.

“Seriously? Why are you apologising?”

“I feel like I’ve been a pain over these last couple of weeks and that I’m being a pain now.”

Dean looked at his brother. His stupid floppy haired brother. He didn’t understand how Sam could even feel guilty. Dean had always looked after Sam. When his Dad was out drinking and his Mom earing money for them to eat and live, Dean helped his kid brother. He made him dinner, ran baths, even tucked Sammy in bed sometimes if their Mom got home too late. He would tend to Sam for the rest of his life if he had to. It was better than having Sam stuffed in some coffin.

“You have always been a pain, Sammy. You aren’t any more of one with your leg or head busted.” Dean replied gruffly as he grabbed the remote and turned on the television. He saw Sam roll his eyes slightly in his peripheral vision.

They sat in silence as they watched some odd Japanese game show. It was sort of amusing, but Dean felt his eyes closing heavily after a short while. That was until he sensed Sam was moving. He woke himself up to check on him. Sam was reaching out to the coffee table. To be fair, he didn’t need help as his sasquatch sized arms reached the entire way without him having to move his body or legs. Sam pulled a magazine from the table.

“Dean, why do you have the Nature magazine?” Sam asked, laughing in surprise.

His stomach twisted into a knot. He had hardly allowed himself to even think about Cas. That magazine was supposed to be Cas’s Christmas present and he totally forgot that he had left the stupid magazine on the table. In the past four weeks he had hardly even looked at the damn coffee table. All of his time was spent working or visiting Sam. Now he had the subscription for it, what a waste of money. He could just change the address to Sam’s though, he would appreciate it.

“You can keep it. I had a subscription for erm… I’ll send them to you.” Dean mumbled guiltily hoping that Sam wouldn’t probe further. Of course, that was an unrealistic wish.

“Who was the subscription for?” Sam flicked curiously through it. “And this is December’s issue. You must have had it for over a month.”

“No one.”

“Why are you acting so suspiciously?”

“Quit asking questions Sammy.” He snapped back. Sam looked momentarily shocked. It made Dean feel even worse.

He didn’t really want to talk about Cas. He hadn’t really spoken to Cas for three weeks. He meant to spend Christmas eve and Christmas morning with him, but in light of the situation, it hadn’t happened. He had totally forgotten. He thought back to the conversation where he had told him to fuck off and leave him alone, where Sammy was definitely still in his coma.

It had been Christmas eve. Dean ran a hand across his face. He would never had said that if he had realised. Christmas had passed Dean and his family without them knowing. He had only taken the bloody Christmas tree down last week when he realised that it was almost mid-January. Surely Cas had understood that he had other things on his mind? It hardly mattered if he did or not now; they were over.

Dean reasoned that it was a good thing. They had been too dependent on each other, and it had just been a fleeting relationship. They would have never worked out in the long run. Dean couldn’t take all of his days off just to go and visit someone who was in another city and a forty-minute drive away. It was impractical. Sure he would miss spending time with Cas, but he would easily manage. He had Sam back, and he would find someone else.

“Who was it?” Sam asked. He was still flicking through magazine.

“Who was what?” Dean played dumb.

“Dean I’m not an idiot. My brain isn’t that damaged. You would never in a million years buy this magazine for yourself and you just said that it was someone else’s subscription.”

“Drop it.”

“No.” Sam said stubbornly and then gave Dean the winning move; puppy dog eyes.

“Fine. I was in a relationship thing with someone and I brought it for them and now I’m not.”

“Oh.” Sam said staring curiously at Dean. “Who was it?”

“His was someone you have met.”

“A he? You haven’t dated a guy in ages. Not since Benny. What was that, like 6 years ago?” Dean shrugged at Sam’s amazed tone. “Tell me who it was Dean!”

“Um…” He hesitated, unsure if he could trust himself to say his name. “It was Cas. Castiel Novak.”

Sam gawped at him. Dean looked away awkwardly and pretending to continue watching the television. In reality he was just waiting for what Sam was going to say next. He heard Sam put down the magazine.

“The Castiel Novak?” Dean laughed at this statement and nodded. Like there was going to be another Cas in the world.

“Well what happened?” Sam continued, “I mean, I know how you met but how did it continue? Since when have you been dating? Is he your boyfriend? You must be smitten if you’re buying Nature for him.”

“We aren’t together anymore.”

“Why not?”

“Jesus Sam, what’s with the twenty-one questions?”

“Sorry.” He mumbled. “I just remember you before Christmas and this stuff and you were super happy. Like the happiest that I’ve seen in ages. Even Mom said so before Christmas. She called me asking if you were seeing someone and I said no. Now I know you were, I wanna know more. Why have you broken up? Is it because of me staying here? Cause you know I can easily go to Moms n’ Dads place.”

“Dude no. It wasn’t cause of you.” Dean replied. A tiny voice in his head disagreed slightly but he brushed it away.

“They why?”

“I don’t know. He was clingy and lived too far away? Something like that.”

“You don’t sound that sure.”

“Yeah well. It’s over now.” Dean said bitterly and took a large gulp of his coffee.

“Will you just tell me what happened?” Puppy eyes; again. Damn. Dean sighed.

“So you remember when we met him, in Cambridge and we went drinking?” Dean started, Sam nodded. “Well that evening I sent him a really drunken email telling him I wanted to meet up when we were back in Kansas. And surprisingly he replied. And then we emailed for a month. And then we met up again. And we sort of were seeing each other till just before Christmas. And now its over and we aren’t speaking.”

“But you came to Cambridge in September…” Sam replied in slight surprise. “That mean’s you’ve known him for like four months!”

“Yeah and?”

“Isn’t that your longest relationship since Lisa?”

“We weren’t in a relationship Sam. We were just meeting up and seeing each other. A lot. With sex. It wasn’t anything.”

“Then why did you buy him a subscription for a magazine? Isn’t that a long term planning? And why did you break up, after you brought him a present? Surely it would make more sense to give it to him then break up after.”

“He’s an ER doctor at University of Kansas Hospital.” Dean explained slowly hoping that Sam’s clever mind would pick it up. Apparently not.

“So?...”

“Well he was on shift when you went in.” He cleared his throat and continued. “And he, erm, realised it was you and called me.” Dean couldn’t quit meet Sam’s eyes.

“So he called you when I was bleeding out in the ER?” Sam asked crudely. “Why are dumping him for that?”

“I didn’t dump him for that. I don’t know. I was stressed out, the stupid doctors kept telling me and Mom and Dad that you were going to die or have major brain damage and stuff and I just couldn’t deal with another person. Especially one who should have been saving your life. He’s a doctor and he couldn’t help you at all. And it annoyed me!”

“You save a man’s life and then get dumped. Jeez what do you have to do to impress Dean Winchester these days?”

“That’s not fair. I just couldn’t deal with him also.”

“And did you explain that nicely to him?” Sam replied dryly. He knew Dean too well. It annoyed him; he could never pull the wool over Sam’s eyes.

“No. I was too preoccupied with you potentially ending up six foot under.”

“Dean…”

“Yeah it’s a bit shit cause I liked him more than I like anyone for a long time. But things went wrong, and timing was wrong, and now it’s over and that’s fine.” Dean stood up and walked out the room, pretending to take his coffee mug to the dishwasher.

In reality, he needed a breather. Sam was making him feel like a dick.  What happened with Cas wasn’t entirely his fault; there were plenty of other people involved. For example, if the crash hadn’t happened they would still be together. Maybe if Cas had treated the situation differently then they may still be talking. Obviously Dean didn’t know other scenarios that could have occurred. It just wasn’t entirely his fault.

Except it was. That’s why it hurt. He was the one that stopped it and ruined it.

“Why don’t you call him? Just say you’re sorry. I’m sure he’d accept it, and you can start again or something.” Sam said hopefully. Naively.

“Because I messed it up and I don’t deserve the guy. Okay?”

“Of course that’s not okay Dean.” Sam looked at him pitifully; it was irritating.

“Leave it Sammy. I chose you over him. You were my priority then, and are now. And if it didn’t work out because of that then so be it.”

“You are such an idiot Dean.” Sam rolled up the magazine and hit him with it as Dean walked back in the room. “Such. A. Fucking. Idiot.”

He whacked Dean multiple times, punctuating his sentence with it. He was glad to have him brother back, but Dean definitely forgot how annoying he could be.

“Will you stop that?” He grabbed the magazine from Sam’s grip and placed it away from him.

“No I won’t stop. Not until you ask Castiel back out. Gimme the damn magazine back!”

“Not if you are going to just keep hitting me with it!”

“Well I wouldn’t have to if you just made up with your boyfriend.” Sam made a lunge from the sofa for it, which was impressive seeing as he couldn’t actually move from the sofa. “Look Dean, please just call him or text him or email him or something. You seemed so happy before Christmas, and you’re my brother. You deserve to be happy.”

“Gross dude. Stop with the chick flick moments.” Dean rolled his eyes and made sure any magazine (or item that could become a weapon) was well out of Sam’s reach.

“I mean it Dean. You spent so much of our childhood making sure I was happy. You made sure I was able to be a kid, that I was fed, that I did my homework, that I had friends, even now you’re making sure I’m fine by offering for me to stay at your house. Don’t get me wrong, I am so incredibly grateful for everything. But please will you just do something for yourself for once.” Sam pleaded with him.

“No.”

“Why?”

“Cause Sammy I don’t want to okay?” Dean went back to pretending to watch the television.

He felt so tense and knew that Sam was now watching him intently. Sam was wrong. He was happy now, and he knew he didn’t deserve Cas. He was horrible to him. Cas deserved someone who knew how to bake bread, and who had a garden to grow flowers and keep bees. Cas would find someone else that was much better than him.

“Fine.” Dean looked at Sam in surprise.

If he was honest, he had suspected more begging and being irritating. Instead Sam looked, well, resolute and relaxed. It was suspicious.

“Is this conversation over?” Dean asked nervously.

“Yes. Can have some food?”

“Good. And sure.” Dean stood up and headed to the kitchen.

He was glad that the conversation was over. It meant that he would probably never have to think on Cas again. He would lay the memories to rest, and return to his normal life.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen:

_Three Weeks Later_

Castiel stared at his emails. It was his latest past time; he had been doing it in any free moment he got in the past week. Which was rarely really. Work had been busy. However, it all changed a week ago when he received an email. Castiel knew he should ignore the email; he knew it was just some writing on a screen. They were just words. The problem was that these words were from Sam.

Sam had sent him an email a week ago. And it had thrown Castiel. He hadn’t thought about Dean since Sam had been discharged. Their relationship had ended and he was okay with that to an extent. He changed his life back to how it was. Wake up, shower, grab fruit, work, microwave dinner, sleep. He followed that. An email threw him. It wasn’t part of his plan.

He read through it again:

 

Dear Castiel,

I realise this may be surprising to receive this email, and I’m not exactly sure of what I should say. I do not know if you remember me, but I am Sam Winchester, Dean’s brother. We met in Cambridge. I think we probably also met in the ER, however I don’t quite remember that situation.

I’d first like to say thank you for helping to save my life. I know that you were one of the doctors who treated me and I will forever be grateful for that. I have been discharged for a few weeks now, and am on the way to a full recovery (apparently).

The next part of the reason I am emailing you is about Dean. Dean is my brother who raised and cared for me, and I love him very much. You have to understand that every big decision that Dean ever made is because of me in some way or another. When I moved to England he almost followed me here. The only thing that stopped him was his job, and that he couldn’t get one in England. When I was in hospital, I suspect that he could have done anything to help me. I always think that Dean would sell his soul to save me. He would lay down any happiness he had for me.

I would never ever ask him to do that, and I have told him not to. I will also not make excuses for his behaviour. Dean can be mean and short tempered and protective. And I’m sure you probably experienced some of these.

Dean told me what had occurred between the two of you. To be fair, he didn’t give many details, so I don’t know exactly what went down between you both when I was in hospital, but I do know that Dean was happy before Christmas.

He was so cheerful, and every time I called him he seemed happy. He talked about the future a lot more, and he was excited for Christmas. I know you were supposed to be spending Christmas eve and morning with us. Just everything he said and did then made me think that he was happy and cared for. You cared for him. And I’m sure he cared for you.

So you broke up. Or Dean stopped talking to you. Whatever. I’m not sure. But I do know that he told me he didn’t deserve you. I hope you know that isn’t true. Now? He isn’t as happy. He doesn’t care about his life, and I think he misses you.

I think he cared about you a lot. I think he didn’t realise himself how much he cared about you. In fact, I don’t think he misses you, I know he misses you. And I think that he regrets what happened between you in regards to you splitting up. I have tried encouraging Dean to call you or get back in contact with you, but he just looks guiltily away and says no. He is too proud. And I think he is scared that he will mess it up again, or that you’ll reject him. It total, Dean is a bit of an idiot. But you made him happy, and now he is unhappy.

Castiel, I email you to ask you if you’ll call or get in contact again. I know it’s a big ask. And I know that if you wanted to speak to him again you would have. Please just think about it though? Dean is a good guy. And he cares so much. I just want to see Dean happy again. Maybe you are they key to it all?

Obviously I don’t mean to pressurise you. If you don’t want to then that’s fine. I’m still extremely grateful with what you did for Dean and I, and I will not hold any of this against you ever. I’m just emailing to ask you to though. Just to let you know, Dean does not know that I did this, and neither did he ask me to. I am just hoping that if you do get back in touch with him, it will make him happier.

Sorry if me emailing you is inappropriate. If you have any questions, or worries, please don’t hesitate to contact me.

I hope you are well, and that I hear from you soon.

Kind Regards,

Sam

 

Castiel had read the email hundreds of times. He supposed it was kind of Sam to contact him and thank him for saving his life. There weren’t many opportunities where someone who was quite so critically ill could say that. Castiel made a mental note to pass on Sam’s thanks to the other members of his team; they would also appreciate the gratitude.

He knew and agreed with Sam that Dean was a very good older brother, who would do anything for his younger brother. That was obvious; Castiel didn’t need the accident or Sam to confirm that. The way Dean had talked about Sam when they were “together” had made this very clear. It wasn’t surprising that Dean had been so worried about Sam when he was ill. The rest of the email was a mystery to him.

Perhaps Dean had been happy with him? However, that wouldn’t make sense. If he were unhappy without him, then why didn’t he just talk to him? Yes, Sam did say that Dean was proud or scared of the result of talking to him. But if it made him so happy then surely Castiel was worth the risk? And he wouldn’t have thrown the supposed happiness away in the first place. Dean probably had been happy to an extent. Who wouldn’t be happy to have someone to have sex with almost every weekend? Dean could easily relieve his needs sooner or later. And then he would be back to his usual self.

Castiel didn’t understand how Sam could even suggest Dean cared. He thought Dean had cared. He was naïve. He didn’t currently feel cared for. Castiel had the total opposite feeling. He felt dumped and discarded by a man who Castiel had cared for. It hurt to read what Sam said. He felt a pang of jealously that he wouldn’t be able to have those feelings again and that someone else would.

Someone else would be able to fit their hands in Dean’s. Someone else would be able to kiss and count Dean’s freckles. Someone else would have to put up with constant admiration for his car. Someone else would have to make Dean’s favourite pie for him after a long day of firefighting.

Not Castiel.

He had written multiple replies back to Sam, which had all ended in his drafts and that he never sent. Some evenings, his hands betrayed him and he agreed to contact Dean. Some evenings he let his head logically think and wrote bitter, angry replies back to Sam, saying that he wanted nothing to do with either of the brothers.

His fingers carefully tapped on the keyboard trying to type the most recent email reply. Castiel had decided that it was rude not to reply. And it was rude to reply in a mean way. It was also not ideal to agree with what Sam was saying, and Castiel knew it wasn’t the truth and he couldn’t let his hopes to build up again. He decided on neutrality.

 

Dear Sam,

Thank you for your email, and I’m very sorry it took me long to reply.

I am very glad that you are getting better and I wish you well in your future recovery.

After reading your email, I have been unsure on my reply. I understand that you think that Dean was happier before Christmas and is less happy now. However, I think that his emotions have less to do with me, and more to do with your accident.

I am sure that Dean is seeming less happy now as he is probably still worried about you. As you said yourself, Dean is a very committed brother, and worries about your health. Once you are fully better, I am sure he will go back to being himself again.

Even though you think it would be good for him, I do not think I will try and contact Dean again. He made it obvious that he didn’t want to see me, and however much I wish that wasn’t the case, I must respect his decision. If Dean were to contact me, then I would perhaps speak to him again. But I do not think he does want me back in his life, and I cannot force myself back into it.

I do miss Dean, and I cared about him. But I cannot contact him. Our relationship was never that serious anyway, so I’m sure Dean will be fine.

I appreciate your email, and thank you for it. If you need to contact me further for anything, then that is perfectly okay. I hold no hostility to Dean, or yourself.

Best Wishes,

Castiel

 

He checked it over once more before clicking send. A mixture of relief and sadness washed over him. Relief as that chapter of his life was probably over and he didn’t need to think on it any more. Sadness because as much as he had told himself and Sam, he definitely didn’t want the chapter to end.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Fifteen:

 

By the middle of February, Dean was almost sick of Sam being in his house constantly. Obviously Sam couldn’t quite move back to England yet, although he was planning to, but it had only been a month since Sam had been discharged from the hospital and he wasn’t quite up to independent living.

Sam had improved a great deal. Apparently his head had healed well and the strip of hair was starting to grow back. It still looked daft, but at least there was no longer any bandages there. He still had a few ‘mental issues’. There had been a few headaches, and lapses of short term memory; but apparently this was normal, not worrying and would get better. Dean did worry about this though. Sam’s leg was still in a cast and he did struggle with it still. The scrapes and cuts had healed, and he looked healthy.

It wasn’t perfect. But it was an improvement. Sam would get better.

But in the meantime he was in Dean’s house, almost always lounging on the sofa irritating Dean. He was there when Dean left for work, when he returned, when he went to bed. And there was always a running commentary or comment from him about something.

Sometimes it was about Dean’s dating life, and that he should “get back out there”. Sometimes it was about his work, and England. Sometimes it was about how he was pleased that Jess had stayed in contact with him whilst he was still in Kansas. A lot of times it was about Dean’s lack of healthy (rabbit) food. Most of the time Dean ignored him.

When Sam originally asked if they could take a day trip to Kansas City he was slightly unsure. He had taken him around Lawrence, Sam wasn’t a prisoner by any stretch of the imagination and he frequently say their parents and friends when Dean he was at work. But travelling 40 minutes by car on the highway that Sam crashed on? He wasn’t sure about that. Eventually with plenty of nagging, he gave in and agreed to take Sam to the National World War I Museum and Memorial in Kansas City. Apparently there was a new exhibit that Sam was excited to see. Dean prepared himself for a day of ignoring nerdy-ness they spewed from Sam’s mouth.

The drive down was tense, but uneventful. When the passed the spot that his accident occurred, Sam swivelled around in his seat and watched it pass by. There were flowers on the edge of the road. They didn’t mention anything to each other.

Getting parked in the museum was the first issue of the day. Sam’s leg was in a full cast, so he couldn’t exactly park in the tiny bays as Sam couldn’t just easily squeeze out the impala. Equally, they didn’t have a badge of disabled parking. In the end, Dean ended up having to throw Sam out of baby leaving him waiting at the entrance, before going and parking baby on his own.

The next situation that occurred was when they were half way around the museum.

“Dean.” Sam whined. “I think I’ve got a headache again.”

“You think you have or you have?”

“I have.”

“You know I can’t do much Sammy. The Doc said you were going to get headaches from time to time, and as long as it didn’t worsen then you’re just supposed to take pain killer and quit whining.” Dean replied. For a grown man, Sam whined a lot. 

“But I don’t have any on me.”

“There’s some in baby.” Sam gave him puppy dog eyes; he sighed. “Fine. I’ll go get it, you continue with the exhibit.”

Dean marched out the museum to the exit and strolled toward the car park. He didn’t mind too much as it was a pretty decent day for the middle of February. He smiled at the memory of last time he had visited the museum and park, but tried to immediately throw the thought from his mind. He had visited it with Castiel in November. It had just been a nice place for them to walk around; until it started to rain. Castiel and Dean had then basically legged it through the park back to baby, but it was in futile. By that point they were soaking and shivering. They just returned to Cas’s apartment laughing at how ridiculous they both had looked. He caught himself laughing slightly at the memory.

As he walked back into the museum, he had to remind himself that those feeling were just memories. He no longer spoke to Cas or thought about Cas. At least he tried not to. It hurt too much to. He denied to Sam at he missed Castiel; he shouldn’t still be missing him.

He found Sam sitting on a bench in the museum with his head in his hands.

“I got your drugs for you.” Dean nudged Sam, who uttered an almost comedic groan.

“Dean I really don’t feel well.” He mumbled into his hands. Dean forced the pain killers towards him with a bottle of water.

“Take these and drink this. If you really aren’t feeling well, then we can head home.”

“But we drove all the way out here. I didn’t get to see the rest of the exhibit.” Sam said sadly.

“Yeah well. We can’t continue if you don’t feel good. And I can bring you back next weekend if you want?” Dean cursed himself for being too manipulated by Sam’s sad face. Damn.

“Yeah, I really don’t feel very well.” Sam attempted to stand up, but wobbled on his crutches. “Maybe I should see a doctor of something.”

Dean looked at Sam carefully. He didn’t look ill, or more ill than usual. Other times when Sam had bad headaches he looked pale and sweaty, but currently he looked okay. He wasn’t going to force Sam to stay in a museum, that would be a bad move. Equally, last time he took Sam to a Doctor for a headache they shooed them away.

“I’ll just take you home okay? And if it gets worse, then we will think about going to a hospital or something.” Dean kept his voice calm as he helped Sam balance and steady himself.

“Yeah okay. Good plan.” Sam looked disappointed for a second. Dean presumed it was because they had to leave the museum. Nerd.

He helped Sam hobble out the museum and down to baby. Dean remembered he had to drive baby to the entrance to get Sam, so he left Sam propped against a lamppost. He helped Sam slide into the car, and then started do drive away from the museum.

That’s when Sam started to complain even more. His headache had got worse, he was feeling dizzy and faint. Dean tried to bite back worry. He tried to convince himself and Sam that it was nothing. People could just get headaches and dizzy spells. It probably had nothing to do with Sam’s injury. Or at least he hoped.

They just started to drive home. His mind whirred with worry and panic as he tried to keep a calm demeanour. What if Sam’s brain was blowing up again? Or if some stitches had fallen out his skull? Or that it was his leg breaking again? Can that even happen? He wished he had a medical degree, or at least some sort of medical equipment that he could test Sam with to set his mind at rest. Yes, it was probably nothing. Logically Dean knew that. But it was Sam.

The slow rumble of baby ran out as they flew down the streets. It was quiet in the car though. Dean glanced over at Sam. His eyes were closed, head leant against the window.

“Sammy?” There was no response. Asleep. He was probably napping. With one eye on the road, Dean leaned over and shook Sam’s arm.

“Hey buddy, come on. Wake up.” Sam’s body rocked forward as Dean shook him. “No, Sammy come on. Quit playing.”

He slapped his face lightly a few times. Dean’s heart rate increased as he realised Sam wasn’t awake, or asleep. He had lost consciousness. He had two choices. Stop the car, call an ambulance, or drive Sam to a hospital. He quickly did the maths to work out which would be quicker. Luckily, he was just about a 5-minute drive away from the closest ER, and it was probably even shorter if he floored the pedal. It was an easy decision to make.

“Come on Sammy, wake up. I’m taking you to the ER okay? You’re gonna be okay Sammy. I promise.” Dean gripped the wheel in determination, and sped to the hospital.

As they got there, time started to go in slow motion. He parked up baby carelessly closest to the doors or the ER, and threw his door open before running around to Sam’s side. He remembers yelling for help, and opening Sam’s door. He picked up Sam’s body, cursing at the size of the man. He carefully dragged Sam out, and another man stepped forward to help him place Sam onto the trolley. Dean wasn’t sure when that arrived.

In a blink, Sam was being raced away and Dean was being questioned.

“Sir, do you know his name?”

“Do you know what happened?”

“Could you please tell us when this happened sir?”

His mind fogged. He hoped he was answering on autopilot, as his brain was certainly not helping.

Sam was pushed through a set of doors, and he followed. A pretty nurse stepped in front of him, and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry sir, I can’t let you in there.” She said kindly.

“But that’s my brother!” He said blindly, trying to side step the nurse. For a small lady, he was quite robust and managed to stop him. “Look lady, let me past, I need to see him.”

“Sir, it is hospital policy. I understand that he is your brother, but the doctors need to assess and treat him before you see him.” He glared at the woman as he took his arm and lead him to the family room.

He had spent too much time in this room at Christmas. He knew that the chair in the corner was the comfiest. He knew that if you stood at the right angle at the back of the room you could see part of the room that Sam was being treated in. therefore, he took at spot and stared.

He couldn’t see details, but he could see enough to check that his brother was being treated well. New person joined the room. Dean saw a flash of dark hair every now and again moving around the bed. A small part of him was relieved; Sam was in good hands. However, he was still irritated by the fact that no one would tell him what was going on.

What if today had been his last day with Sam? What were Sam’s last words? What would he tell his parents this time?

It was his fault; he had failed again to look after his little brother. If he had just taken Sam to hospital as soon as he said, he was ill then they probably could have done something. He probably wouldn’t be lying on a hospital bed again. Dean ran a hand through his short hair, the short spikes rubbed across his skin.

It wasn’t fair. He couldn’t lose Sam again.

He lost Cas last time, but it was fine because Sam was fine. If he lost Sammy now…

He forced the thought away and tried to focus on what was happening in Sam’s room. It was certainly less chaotic than before; there were less people around, and they certainly looked less busy. Had they diagnosed Sam? Or was he…

Dean rushed out the room towards Sammy’s, praying that there was still an alive man there. Some nurses that had been with Sam originally left the room and gave Dean dirty looks on the way out. Odd. He looked up in the room to see Sam. He found Sammy looking… fine. He was sitting up on the bed looking sheepish. He was breathing, had his eyes open, and not dead. That was good. Right?

“Hey Dean.” Sam spoke nervously.

Scanning over Sam’s body, he could see that nothing was wrong. No blood, limbs intact, speaking, breathing, moving. Sam could remember Dean’s name also, meaning that his brain was probably fine. His brain was whirring.

“Dude! Shit, Sammy are you okay.” He approached the bed and clasped Sam’s face in his hands. Sam’s skin felt soft and strong under his palms, his temperature warm, but not worrying. His brother brushed him off in embarrassment.

“Yeah I’m fine.” Sam replied, not quite meeting Dean’s eye; his eyes flicked to the corner of the room instead. Dean followed his gaze and turned around to find another figure in the room.

Cas.

Dean looked at the man and admired how authorities he looked in the white coat. It sharply contrasted with his dark hair that stuck up in different angles the same way it did after Dean used to run his hands through it. Cas didn’t look at Dean at all. Probably for the best.

Dean turned back to Sam and gestured for an explanation. He was owed one. First Sam was unconscious, then he wasn’t, then his ex-not boyfriend was in the room looking slightly annoyed.

“Erm… well I wasn’t ill.” Sam offered unhelpfully.

“Well what were the headaches and blacking out about?” Sam look to Cas again apologetically. Cas sighed from behind him.

“It seems that Sam was merely pretending.” Cas started gruffly. “As soon as you were out the room, he woke up and started to explain what was wrong. Which was nothing apparently.”

“What?” Dean said to Cas, who shrugged emotionlessly. “What the fuck Sammy?”

“Dean I didn’t mean to worry you!” Sam stood up to comfort him. He was now pacing away from the bed, trying to figure out what was wrong.

Sammy was fine. He had been faking it. So he was okay, not dead, peachy. There was still one small voice running through his mind.

_Why?_

“You didn’t mean to worry me? That is a statement Sam. For the second time in a few months I have been put in that fucking family room believing you were dead.”

“Dean calm down…”

“No! I will not fucking calm down! You pretended to pass out? I don’t get it? I was about to call Mom again and tell her that her youngest kid was in hospital again just because I refused to take him to hospital when he first complained of his head hurtin’. I supposed you didn’t even have that in the first place did you?”

“No, but Dean…”

“Course you didn’t.” Dean started to make his way out the room. “You know what? I can’t be dealing with this right now.”

“Dean wait!” He heard Sam hobbled after his, and a hand grabbed his shoulder. He was careful not to throw Sam off balanced, but still shrugged him away easily.

“What?”

“Look Dean. You been a moody shit ever since I came out of hospital and you were happy before Christmas. You can deny it all you want but I know it’s true. And I know it was because of Castiel. I’m not stupid. And I know you are too stubborn to apologise or just talk to Castiel, and I’ve emailed him and I think he’s just as stubborn as you. So I brought you together.” Sam said angrily.

“You had no right.” Dean replied, avoiding Cas’s gaze.

“I know. And Castiel said that also.” Sam shrugged. “But now you’re going to talk this out. If you decide you hate each other and never want to see each other again the fine. You’re both adults, apparently. But at least get some closure and end it properly.”

Sam had a point, although he would never admit it to him. He ground his teeth together and looked at Sam angrily. Sam looked smug. They had a silent conversation that seemed to go:

_‘Sam, you are an idiot. I am angry and annoyed.’_

_‘You love me really.’_

_‘No I don’t…’_

_‘Nah. You’re secretly happy I did this.’_

_‘Shut up.’_

With that Sam smirked at him, knowing he had won (for now). He turned to Cas.

“Castiel, I’m sorry for wasting your time earlier. I’m going to go and pay that fine now that you mentioned. I hope you forgive me, and that I see you again. If not, it was lovely to meet you again.” Sam said. With a nod and smile to Cas, then Dean, he left the room.

It left him standing at the edge of the room. He knew Cas was still behind him. He had two options that he could think of. The first was to walk out the room and sulk after Sam. That was probably the easier of the two options. It meant that he didn’t need to face any of his feelings, or worse, Cas’s feelings. The second option made him do both of them.

It was an easy decision; he hardly had to think. Dean turned to face Cas, and saw his nervously standing there. Dean took a deep breath in.

“Sam’s right.” He started. Cas looked up and met his eyes. Dean forgot quite how blue they were. “Now, we talk.”


	16. Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Sixteen:

                                                                                                                                                                                                          

He could barely breathe; his lungs wouldn’t expand the way they were supposed to, and his mouth felt like he had been eating cotton wool. It didn’t feel fair that Dean was standing in front of him. It didn’t feel fair that he had been forced into the situation by Sam. It didn’t feel fair that he was just moving on from the whole situation and now was having to rip open carefully stitched wounds again.

Equally, Castiel had forgot how much he missed Dean. It was almost amusing how familiar he looked. The same worn, strong hands, the same freckled nose, the same olive green eyes. It was like staring into a memory; time hadn’t passed. They hadn’t lived their separate lives these past few months. And it was just them again in a room. Dean and Cas.

“Sam is right.” Dean repeated quietly, keeping his distance. “I think we should try talk about what happened.”

“No it’s quite alright. I don’t want to make you. It isn’t necessary. If Sam needs some new painkillers or something I can write a prescription up.” He replied emotionlessly.

Perhaps Dean did want to talk. That was definitely a possibility. Did he want to talk to Dean though? It certainly as Sam pointed out would allow closure, but it would also mean breaking his routine. Between sleeping, eating and working, he didn’t have time to discuss feeling with Dean.

“No. It isn’t necessary. But I want to, and I think it might be good.”

“Dean, I know you’re probably only doing this because Sam told you to. You can tell him we talked. We don’t actually have to.”

“Don’t make assumptions for me. I’m not just doing it because Sam told me to. If I wanted to walk out of here I damn well would.” Dean raised his voice slightly, and then looked annoyed at himself for doing so.

“I don’t think I have anything to say.” Castiel replied quietly. Not the truth, but the truth was a little too much.

“That’s fine, honestly.” Dean took a step towards him and sighed. “Look, Cas, I’m sorry okay. I was a douche bag, with a great big pile of dick on the side.”

“Okay.”

“Right. I treated you like shit, I know that. And I can’t take that back okay. I just am sorry.”  Dean stared straight at him.

His muscle memory still wanted him to crawl forward and tuck his head into the cook of Dean’s neck, and settle into his arms. That would be weak of him though.

“I accept your apology Dean.”

Castiel turned to leave; his feet felt like lead and arms protested as he went to open the door.

“Cas wait!” Dean pulled his hand back, his fingers gripping and digging into his arm.

“What?”

“I am actually sorry. And you have got to understand that I didn’t want this to happen this way. We were good Cas. And if you want, maybe we could…”

“Dean stop.” Castiel avoided Dean’s eye contact. “I’m not worth it. Please just follow Sam.”

He opened the door and gestured Dean through.

“What do you mean you aren’t worth it?” Dean pulled the door closed and blocked him from leaving.

“I mean that I am not worth it. I’m not worth being in your life, and was never going to be. I am less than anyone in your life, and I know that now.”

“That’s not true.”

“It certainly is. Dean, when we were together it was great. But I was always worth less. That was obvious when Sam was ill. You didn’t even acknowledge me. And I realise that it was awful for you and I didn’t want or need you to baby me or anything. But you cut me out Dean. And then you blamed me.”

Dean tried to cup his jaw in his hand. For a moment, Castiel leaned into the touch. Dean’s rough finger tips tenderly stroked small circles into his cheek.

“I didn’t mean to.” He said in a small voice.

“I know you didn’t Dean, and I forgave you for that instantly. But I do know that I’m not worth it. Your life is fine without me and you’ll find a boy or girl who will fit in better in your life. Someone who is less needy or better than me.”

“I won’t.”

“You will.” It was Castiel’s turn to touch Dean. He carefully threaded his fingers through Deans as he removed his hand from his face. “You will find someone who deserves you and your family Dean. I do not. And I will never live up to what you want from me.”

“You were what I needed.” Dean said stubbornly.

“Dean, don’t.”

“Cas you were worth it. You are worth everything.”

“I wasn’t worth anything to you when Sam was ill! Granted I was not the one that was ill but I would have supported you and stood beside you through the entire thing.”

“I know you would have. I made a mistake Cas.”

“No you didn’t. It’s okay, I am not enough.”

Dean stared at him with a mixture of what appeared to be anger and confusion. His thumb continued to rub circled into Castiel’s palm. It was nice. It was puzzling. He lightly squeezed Dean’s hand.

“Cas…” Dean started, his voice trembling slightly.

“Goodbye Dean. I hope neither you or Sam even come across this building again, for your own health’s sake.”

He gave Dean’s hand one last squeeze before dropping it and turning on his heels to walk away. Castiel heard Dean calling after him, but he tuned it out. He didn’t need to hear Dean’s apologies or excuses. He didn’t need to hear affirmations or promises from him. He needed to get back to work.

He had already wasted a good section of his time and emotions with Dean and Sam. He needed to switch back to his routine again, he didn’t need Dean. He was raised to work and treat his patients. A small apology that he was forced into couldn’t change anything. If Dean really had thought he was worth more, then he would fhave actually apologised himself, not wait until Sam faked an illness to force them to meet.

The quiet chatter and beeping surrounding him drew his thoughts away. He was a good doctor. Continuing his job was the best thing for him. No sooner as he made his way into his office, one of the nurses knocked on his door and called him to assist another patient. Relief washed over him and he welcomed the distraction.

His patients and staff for the rest to the day were amicable. There were no cases that were too strenuous or taxing, yet there were no cases that were extremely dull or that tested his patience. Fortunately, there were no other patients faking their illnesses, which was always a positive. If only the one from the early afternoon hadn’t existed. The situation had ticked through Castiel’s mind during the day, even though he desperately tried not to think on it, it had crossed his mind. It was difficult to concentrate on his work when the ghosting memories of Dean’s fingers tracing his hands fluttered through his mind. But he kept going. Kept working. Kept ignoring.

After a long day he made the short two block walk from the hospital to his apartments. The cool February air rushed past him as the made his way down Rainbow Boulevard, holding his long trench coat around him. Castiel shivered slightly and wondered what temperature it was. It had been a cold, gray winter and there weren’t any signs of it clearing yet. He missed the spring, he missed the month May. May was a nice month. It was usually warm in May, but the dry heat of July and August hadn’t hit yet. The grass always looked healthy and green; now it looked waterlogged and shying away from the frost. He looked forward to May; there wasn’t much he usually looked forward for anymore.

He dug in his pockets for the keys to his apartment once he got there. He was mildly annoyed with himself as he could see underneath the door that he had left the lights on. He inserted the key and turned it, however the door was already unlocked. Had he left it unlocked all day? Panic washed over him. He slowly opened the apartment door and was shocked at what he saw.

He shouldn’t have been surprised though, as if he had been more observant, Castiel would have seen the black, sleek ’67 Chevrolet impala parked outside.


	17. Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Seventeen:

 

_A few hours earlier_

Cas walked away from him, leaving Dean standing in the door way. He blinked as the white coat whipped around the corner and out of sight.

What had just happened?

He didn’t understand. Cas thought he wasn’t enough? The concept of that was foreign. Usually it was himself that thought that way; which he did, but it certainly didn’t make it okay for Cas to think that.

Cas was everything. He was accidentally funny, not knowing that most things he did and said got an adoring laugh out of Dean. He was stubborn and set in his ways, but Dean had found himself falling into those habits. Cas was right, his favourite brand of condoms was the best. He was talented in a quirky way. He was extremely clever, but then could make bread and honey. He would come up with the most random facts about history, science and even firefighting, which impressed Dean endlessly. He was enough. He was always more than enough.

Dean angrily ran a hand over his face. How could Cas even think that of himself? How did he managed to reduce Cas from a man who was wonderful and confident, to a man who didn’t think he was worth anything? He did that.

An apology wasn’t enough.

He strode through the hospital dragging Sam along with him. He was aware of Sam apologising and being confused at what was going on. Dean kept silent, his mind planning carefully. Once they got to the impala, he helped Sam in and then sat in the driver’s seat. They sat in silence. Sam fidgeted next to him.

“Look, Dean, I’m really sorry…” Dean cut him off with a raised hand.

“Just, shut up for a minute and let me think.” He snapped. Sam looked away nervously.

They sat in silence again.

Dean was thinking. He thought about Sam; how he had been an idiot, how much he cared. He thought about Cas. How he had broken him. He thought about himself and what he wanted. Obviously he was aware that what he wanted may not be want everyone else wanted. However, it had been a long time since he made any decisions based entirely on what he wanted from life.

He needed to make a decision that would make him happy. If it didn’t work, then at least he would know he tried. He couldn’t regret not ever knowing. He turned to Sam.

“Look. I’m pissed at you. What you did today was a dick move.”

“Dean I’m sorry I…”

“Stop.” Dean cut Sam off again, “I get why you did it. You’re an idiot, but I think I understand. Even still, it was not your place to do that.”

“I know.”

“So I’m annoyed.”

“That’s fine I get that Dean. I’m sorry, I swear you won’t do it again.” Sam hurriedly apologised.

“I know you won’t. And you can make it up to me.” Dean grinned mischievously. Sam looked nervous.

“What?”

“Sammy, do you still know how to pick locks?”

“Yeah, if you get me some tools I can.” Sam frowned.

“And if this goes wrong or well for me, you cannot say a word to anyone ever. You have no opinion on this unless I ask for one from you.”

“You aren’t doing anything illegal are you?”

“No. Well… Not really.” Dean paused and thought for a moment. “Hopefully not! Let’s go.”

“Where are we going?” Sam exclaimed as he put baby into gear and reversed out the parking bay.

“Shopping.”

“For what?”

“Stop asking questions.” He replied.

Dean carefully exited the hospital and drove to the nearest supermarket. He knew the area fairly well from the time he had spent with Cas. Within 5 minutes, they arrived at Marsh's Sun Fresh Market. Dean parked, got out the car and marched over to the passenger side to help Sam out; who by this point looked extremely confused and worried.

They made their way into the shopping centre and headed towards the bakery section, still in silence. Dean got a trolley, and Sam hobbled behind on crutches. He picked up the best looking loaf of half baked bread that he could put in the oven and cook it and added it to the trolley.

“Um Dean, are we just grocery shopping?”

“No.” He replied, “I’m shopping for Cas.”

“Did he ask you to? Did you talk? Did it go well?” He chirped hopefully.

“No. Yes. No.”

“Then why are we shopping for him?”

“Because I was a dick and horrible person to him okay.” Dean spun around to face Sam. “He said to me that he thought he was worthless and that he wasn’t enough. And I did that Sam. I need to make it up to him somehow and just apologising isn’t enough. I want to get everything he loves. I want to show Cas that he is worth it, without any expectation that I’ll get him back. If that happened, then I will be over the fucking moon. And I know this isn’t enough at all, but perhaps it could be the start of trying to repair what I did.”

Dean turned away, slightly embarrassed at himself. He could feel a heat rising in his cheeks as he waited for Sam to laugh at him or say it was ridiculous.

“What can I do to help?” Sam said confidently.

“You wanna help?”

“Sure. Of course.”

“Oh.” Dean was surprised. “I thought you’d think it was stupid.”

“Dean, if this is what you want to do and if you think it is the right thing to do, then I will help you 100%. And anyway, I think it’s a good idea.”

“Right. Thanks.” Dean cleared his throat. “Let’s get to it then. I know he likes flowers, so I need to get him a bunch or something. I got him roses before, but I don’t know if that’s too romantic.”

The two men stood in front of the large range of bunches of flowers, considering the selection.

“Lillies?” Sam suggested.

“Reminds me of funerals.”

“Orchid plant?”

“Too fancy.”

“Daisies?”

“Too childish.”

“Jeez Dean, it’s like pleasing goldilocks.” Sam rolled his eyes dramatically.

“What about those?” Dean pointed to a tall bunch of white, yellow and lilac flowers. Sam picked them up and checked the label.

“Freesias?”

“Stick ‘em in. I want more though. He likes flowers in his room also.”

“You should get roses for a bedroom.” Sam said wisely, although Dean was convinced he was making it up. “They suit bedrooms, and as long as you don’t get red it’s not too romantic.”

Dean shrugged at his logic, it sounded pretty sound. He picked up a bunch of white roses surrounded by deep green foliage. Sam nodded in approval.

“Shall I get more?”

“I guess so if he likes flowers?”

“I like this bunch with the sunflowers in.”

“Let’s get them.” Sam nodded and gestured that they move on, “I’m sure Cas likes flowers but probably three large bunches is enough right?”

“Yeah. Alright. We’ll go to the isle with honey and shit on.”

They headed towards it and Dean picked up a jar of (expensive) honey that Cas favoured and a selection of fancy pasta things that he thought looked good. These were put in the basket and followed by wine, whiskey and elderflower cordial (which was disgusting, but Cas loved it). He sneakily threw liquorish in, conveniently forgetting that it wasn’t Cas’s favourite thing. They picked up cheese, pizza, burgers from the butcher section, freshly squeezed juice, the best brand of coffee, some ice cream that looked too delicious to pass up and a selection of fruit. The brothers were almost having fun.

There was an awkward moment when they walked down the aisle with medicine on and Dean stopped by the condoms. He was searching for the ones Cas (/they) liked.

“Dean just pick one.” Sam said embarrassedly.

“I’m looking for a certain type.”

“Why?”

“Because we like them. I mean… Cas like them.” He found them and picked a couple of packets up, “He prefers these to any other.”

“Surely a condom is a condom?” He asked slightly amazed and shocked.

“That’s what I thought! But they are great. I’d definitely recommend them.”

Sam looked slightly disgusted at this comment which slipped out of Dean’s mouth before he remembered that he was talking to his little brother. He cleared his throat awkwardly and continued on.

Dean brought a couple of wildlife magazines that looked pretty decent and that Sam recommended. They got a few more items before headed to the check out.

“We gonna go to Ashleigh's Bakeshop to get pie, then we’ll go Cas’s and um, break in, then we’ll put away all his stuff away and wait for him.”

“Sure. Good plan.” Sam supported basically everything he said. It was great that he was probably still feeling a little guilty about the stunt he played at the hospital.

“Yup.” Dean started to drive the short way to the bakery that Cas and him visited a few times that sold some amazing pies.

“You know Dean,” Sam started cautiously, “I think what you’re doing is great.”

Dean grunted, sensing a chick flick moment happening. Sam continued.

“I think both you are Cas are wrong by the way. I’m sure Cas does feel unwanted or whatever, but I don’t think you did that. I think you mended that. But when you broke up, it was visible again. Equally I think Cas mended you.  He definitely made you a better and happier person. You aren’t horrible Dean. You are a good person who is incredibly stunted with emotions and that made a mistake when his brother was on his death bed.”

“Sammy…”

“I know you don’t want to hear it. If I’m honest, I don’t care if you don’t want to hear it. Just quit putting yourself down Dean, you are a good man. Not many people would care so much to by someone they love everything that they love as an apology, expecting nothing from it. It pretty damn amazing.”

Dean thought about trying to correct Sam on what he said. He disagreed with a lot of it, but it was nice of Sam to say. Instead of arguing he patted Sam on his shoulder in thanks and sent him a small, thankful smile. There was one part of Sam’s ‘monologue’ which make him confused. _Someone they love._ Huh.

The thought warmed his heart and made his fingertips tingle. He wondered if this part was true. It wasn’t exactly not true, especially before Christmas. It certainly made him feel guiltier. If he did love Cas, then he had not only broken Cas, but had broken someone he loved. That thought was terrifying. Equally, if he didn’t love him, why was he doing all of this? Maybe he did then. Or maybe before Christmas he was just falling for Cas; it was the potential for love. One thing he did know, was that he desperately wanted Cas to accept his apology.

Before he knew it, they were at the bakery. Dean’s mouth watered at the delicious, warm, sweet smell that wafted through the shop. He forgot the selection that there was, even Sam looked at the menu in shock and wonder. In the end, Dean decided on cherry pie, which brought back memories of the taste of Cas’s lips when he first kissed him. He also got a pecan pie, because he knew Cas liked that one. They made their way back to Cas’s after that.

Sam easily picked the lock with some tools Dean had stored in baby and the two men entered the apartment.

Dean was struck at how it hasn’t changed what so ever. Same giant bookcase, same scattering of anatomically correct photos on the wall, same stupid bee teapot. However, there was a difference; the room felt cold. A small layer of dust had settled on all the surfaces and the curtains were drawn even though it was still light outside. Dean opened the curtains, letting a steady stream of bright light into the room

“Cool room.” Sam commented, looking at the bookcase in awe.

“It was better than this.” Dean replied sadly. “I dunno Sam. It feels like he hasn’t lived here. It feels cold.”

He made his way around the counter and into the kitchen. There was no bread in the bread bin and no fresh fruit in the wicker basket that sat next to the sink. Dean opened the fridge and was shocked about the lack of food in it. There was a few rotting carrots at the bottom, and a carton of milk in the side which Dean noticed was weeks out of date. Half a block of cheap cheese sat at the back of the fridge along with a couple of yogurts and one loose egg.

Cas hadn’t been looking after himself, Dean realised. His thoughts were confirmed when he checked the bin and found a number of packets of microwave dinners. A lump crept up his throat. How did Dean let Cas get like this? How did Cas let himself and his apartment that he loved so much get like this?  

He started to put the bags of shopping away as Sam looked through the bookcase. It was only then when he wondered how Cas would react to him and Sam basically breaking in. Cas was a pretty chilled out guy in general. Granted, Dean had never see anyone react to someone who had their ex-boyfriend (or whatever) break in to do shopping, so he couldn’t quite predict what his reaction would be. Dean hoped it was good, or at very least indifferent. They wouldn’t find out just yet as Cas wouldn’t be due home for another hour or so.

“Hey Sammy, how d’ya feel about dusting? Can you balance and do that with your leg?” Dean asked, brandishing a duster and polish at him that he found under the sink.

“Throw it over, I’ll get started on the bookshelf.”

“Don’t wreck anything.” Dean muttered as he opened the windows, letting the fresh cool air flow in. He then got the vacuum cleaner our and ran it around Cas’s apartment.

When he entered Cas’s room, memories flooded into his head. He let them seep into his skin, each one running along his nerves. Dean let the soft dark gray cotton of the bed sheets slip under his fingers as he carefully made the bed and fluffed the pillows. He picked up the dark green blanket from the floor and lay it at the end of the bed. Admiring his work, he wondered if he would ever be able to lie in that bed again with Cas.

He quickly vacuumed the room and then added the condoms to the bedside draw. He was pleased just to see two in there; last time Dean was there and using them he remembered that there were two left. It meant that Cas probably hadn’t brought anyone else back to his apartment to ‘use the condoms’.  

Dean returned back to the living room to find Sam sitting on the sofa reading a book that he had picked up from the book shelf.

“Finished?” Sam asked, drawing his eyes up from the book.

“Pretty much. I’ll probably put the bread in the oven closer to the time, maybe the pie as well. I just need to put the flowers in vases and then we’ll just have to wait for Cas.”

“Okay cool. Do you want me gone or anything?”

“Oh. I hadn’t thought.” Dean replied as he looked for a vase (or three). “I guess you’re fine here. Where else are you supposed to go?”

“I could just wait in the impala?”

“Nah it’s fine.” He arranged the flowers into the vases, not knowing if they looked good or not and set them down around the house.

“It looks good Dean.” Sam smiled from the sofa.

Dean pursed his lips and sank onto the sofa next to Sam. Now it was just a waiting game until Cas got home.


	18. Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Eighteen:

 

Castiel’s breath caught in his throat. He still had one hand on the door knob and had hardly stepped into his flat, except he could see people sitting on his couch.

Burglars?

Burglars who baked? The distinctive smell of baked breath wafted to the doorway. He hadn’t baked for weeks, not since just after Christmas; the loaf hadn’t turned out correctly so he hadn’t baked one since. So it must be the burglars. Which made very little sense really.

Eventually his brain caught up. Burglars also didn’t buy flowers, or set out pie on the counter. They also didn’t sit on sofas and watch Dr Sexy.

“Dean.” He said out loud as the man approached him cautiously. Sam also sat on the sofa and gave a little awkward wave.

“Don’t be mad.” Dean said quickly, standing a couple of feet away from him.

“What are you doing here?”

“Er, come in Cas.”

“Are you inviting me into my own home?” Castiel asked as Sam gave a short snort of laughter from the sofa.

Regardless, he stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. Dean seemed to have run out of words, he just gaped at Castiel, then frowned at Sam. The brothers seemed to telepathically communicate between a series of subtle facial expressions.

Castiel started to get slightly irritated as no one offered him any explanation. His ex-not-boyfriend and brother broke into his apartment, without permission, to bake bread. Unless he was mistaken, that wasn’t a normal thing to do. He didn’t want to have to deal with Dean, Sam and his feelings for the second thing in the day. All he wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep. He didn’t want to hear what Dean had to say. Not now. Not when Sam was sitting there. Not when Dean had almost already had him falling into his arms today.

“We broke in.” Dean announced after a few moments of awkward silence.

“I guessed.”

“Er, right yes. But it’s just because I needed to.” Dean stumbled over his words.

“You needed to break into my house?”

“No. I mean, yes.”

“I think you should go.”

“No! Shit. I’m not good with my words. Just let me get them out.” Dean pleaded. He looked panicked; his green eyes desperate. Castiel nodded for him to continue.

Dean licked his lips and took a couple of deep breaths before leading Castiel to breakfast bar and gestured for him to take a seat. He reluctantly sat down as Dean started to give an explanation of what he had broken in.

“Cas. I treated you like shit and I am sorry. I’m sorry I ignored you, I’m sorry I pushed you aside, I’m sorry I blamed you and then was a stubborn dick who couldn’t just apologise and let you in. And I have never regretted my actions more. Because I made you feel worthless and that you were not enough, which just isn’t true. You are wonderful and everything. You shouldn’t think like that.”

Castiel stared resolutely at his lap. He tried to block out what Dean was saying, but it slipped in. Words tumbled into his mind. He tried to understand what Dean was saying; it didn’t make sense. He wasn’t enough for him.

“I’m not enough Dean.” He said sadly. Dean gently cupped his face and lifted it up to look at his.

“You are. And I don’t know how to prove that to you. But I got you stuff.”

“Stuff?”

“Yeah. I wanted to show you how much you mean.” Dean wiped his brow nervously. Then Sam piped up from the sofa.

“Castiel, please excuse Dean’s pathetic attempts of talking. He is incredibly emotionally stunted and what he means to say he wanted to buy you all the things you like to show who how you are worth it and how much you mean to him.” Sam spoke confidently without even looking up from the book he was reading (or probably pretending to read).

“What he said.” Dean agreed earnestly. “And I don’t want or expect anything from it either. I just wanted to show you in some way that you are enough.”

Nothing registered. He didn’t quite understand Dean’s gesture, as sweet as it was. Dean had just got him some flowers and bread. It nice. It didn’t change anything.

“Why have you done this Dean? If you want me to forgive you, then you are forgiven. I haven’t held any of this against you, I know you are a good man Dean.” Castiel was honest, as much as he wanted to hate him and push him away, he found himself doing the opposite and had forgiven him.

“I’d like a second chance.” Dean said bluntly, his cheeks flushing slightly.

To say he was surprised, was an understatement. Why would Dean want him back? Castiel wanted Dean, he had always wanted him. Ever since the airport when he had first laid eyes on this nervous, green-eyed stranger, he had wanted him. However, he knew Dean could do so much better. This strong, handsome, kind, fireman didn’t need him; an awkward person who was clingy and nerdy.

“I need a minute.” He blurted out. His heart hammered in his chest and his thoughts blurred as he ran into his room and shut the door behind him. It didn’t make any sense.

Why?

Why did Dean want a second chance?

Should he give Dean a second chance?

Castiel didn’t know.

He breathed. He knew he had to make a decision. Castiel could tell Dean to leave or he could give him a second chance. It was nice and different to have the ball in his half of the court for this decision. He had the choice.

Slowly, he returned into the living area, where Dean was sitting on the sofa with his head in his hands as Sam whispered to him. When Dean heard him enter, he looked up straight away.

“Don’t worry Cas, we’re leaving now.” Dean sounded resigned, “I hope you enjoy all the stuff. And it was a pleasure to know you.”

Dean held a hand out to Castiel to shake it. He looked at Dean’s hand.

“Please don’t make my decision for me.” He replied coldly. Dean dropped his hand and looked surprised. “Sit down. Sam I would offer you a chair at the table however you seem quite comfortable there.”

“I’m fine, thank! Just ignore me. I’m not here.” Sam called out from the sofa as Castiel and Dean took a seat at the breakfast bar.

“I do not know why you want a second chance with me. To me, it doesn’t make much sense.” Castiel started. Dean tried to interrupt. “Please do not interrupt me. I don’t understand it and if I’m honest I do not know my answer.”

“Okay.” Dean licked his lips nervously.

“But maybe we could talk?”

“Talk?”

“Yes. Do you want a drink perhaps? I haven’t got much, probably some tea and water. What would you like? Sam anything?” Castiel asked, as he stood up and walked to his kitchen.

Neither of them said anything. Castiel presumed they didn’t want anything, however as he opened his cupboard to retrieve a teabag, he was presented with an unexpected sight.

His cupboards seemed to be full of, well, everything.  Castiel saw different tea’s, his favourite coffee, the honey that was stupidly expensive but he loved, some fine dining Italian ravioli, and ingredients for pb&j’s. He gaped at the cupboard, he was sure he didn’t buy any of this. The only logical conclusion was that Dean had. Castiel thought that Dean had just brought some flowers and bread. It was more than he expected; it almost made him laugh.

“Did you do all this?” Castiel asked, astonished.

“Yeah.” Dean cautiously stood up and approached him. “I got other stuff too.”

Castiel gaped in surprise as a child would on Christmas day after spotting the glittering gifts left for him. His cupboards were full of a variety of treats. Wine, whisky, fresh fruit, vegetables, everything that made his mouth water. Dean opened up the fridge and freezer, showing even more things that Dean had brought him. He also noted the few magazines on the counter and a new recipe book for bread and pastry that he had his eye for a while.

If Castiel wasn’t so surprised, he would have jumped at the chance of rifling through all the stuff. He hadn’t seen so much fresh and delicious food since before Christmas. It warmed him. It was as if the fullness of his cupboards had filled his heart. All the food and riches he loved, filled his heart with love.

Perhaps it wasn’t quite that? He had never been one to treasure belongings, or be enticed by gifts and food. It wouldn’t make sense that some food had caused the tingle.

“You did all of this?” He quietly asked Dean, still amazed about all the different items that shone bright and new in his fridge.

“Well, yeah.” Dean ran a hand through his hair uncomfortably.

Dean’s light brown hair was slightly longer than at Christmas; Castiel could tell as Dean could actually push his fingers through and his hair covered them. If he got to do the same to Dean’s hair, he decided he would be very lucky.

What was stopping him? What was stopping him walking forwards and gently running his own fingers through Dean’s hair? If Dean truly wanted a second chance, that meant he wanted him back. And if he wanted him back, Castiel would be able to do that again. It wasn’t a situation which he thought he would have to make a decision on. He was wary still. What if the same thing happened again? It didn’t make any sense that Dean even wanted him back.

“It’s very impressive. Thank you.” He kindly smiled.

They stood looking each other like two kids in the playground trying to figure out each other on the first day of school. Neither of them knew quite what to do next. Both of them nervous and unsure.

“You’re welcome Cas.”

His heart fluttered at Dean’s deep smooth voice and it filled him with tiny particles of sweet warm feelings. They washed from his ears, ran to his brain, down his back, to his toes and finger tips, finally ending up with his heart. It almost hurt him, it was a heat and happiness that he hadn’t felt for a long time.

He was surrounded by things he loved. He loved the flowers, he loved the bread, he loved the tea, the coffee, the burgers. The man in front of him.

His heart and mind didn’t hesitate. He knew it, and now didn’t care if perhaps it wasn’t the cleverest decision or most independent. But he wanted this.

Castiel almost ran across the small space separating them before he pressed a kiss onto Dean’s parted lips. Dean stumbled back in slight shock and from the mere force of it, but quickly regained his kissing technique once Castiel had pressed him into the wall. Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel’s waist as he pushed his hands into Dean’s slightly longer hair. He was right, it did feel incredibly sexy, but not as much as Dean’s mouth on his. God, he missed this so much.

After about a minute of Dean’s lips and tongue on his, he heard Sam cough and clear his throat loudly. The two men broke apart and he felt himself gasping for air slightly. His body was flush with Dean’s and he could feel Dean’s quick heart beat through their thin shirts. Dean stared at him for a few second, stunned and shiny lipped. It almost made him laugh when Sam cleared his throat again.

Cas pressed a quick peck to Dean’s lips, unable to resist them, before he stepped away into the kitchen. He could hardly keep the cheesy grin of his face. He had just kissed Dean. Dean had reciprocated. They had kissed. If Sam wasn’t there he would have probably dragged Dean into his bed, but it was probably a good think that he couldn’t do that. Even though he knew he wanted Dean, a tiny rational bit in his mind wanted to take it slow. Wanted them to discover and learn each other again.

“Would you like a coffee maybe?” He cleared his throat and tried to regain some brain cells. Dean still stood with a dopey grin on his face.

“Sure a coffee would be great. Thanks!” Sam called from the sofa. Dean gave a thumbs up and a nod.

He noticed that Dean’s lips were still shiny and darker pink that usual. After putting the coffee maker on, he sauntered back to where Dean was a pressed a sweet kiss into his mouth. There were no intentions to the kiss. It was simple, just them, their bodies fitting together.

“Oh, we could also maybe have the pie.” Dean said breathily as he also stole kisses from Castiel.

“Pie?”

“Yeah, there is some in the oven. I warmed it up. Its cherry, but there is also pecan in the fridge if you prefer.” Dean shrugged, as if this was something so normal.

“Of course there is pie.” Castiel almost laughed. “Thank you. We shall definitely have some of that then.”

He got the pie out of the oven and gave the brothers a generous portion each, before taking a slightly smaller one for himself.

They made slightly awkward but nice small talk as they ate the pie and drank coffee. Castiel couldn’t help himself staring at Dean, still in awe that he had done all of this for him. It was a warm fuzzy feeling that crept along his body, head to toe, as he couldn’t bask in it. It was Dean. He was stilling in his apartment again.

It came naturally to him to fight or push Dean away. However, for once in his life he let himself just be happy in the moment. And it was great.


	19. Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Nineteen:

 

Dean gave Cas a least peck on the lips as him and Sam left his apartment. It took a lot of effort to walk back to baby, but he was pleased he did.

Obviously he desperately wanted to stay. Ever since Cas had kissed him for the first time in months, he had been supporting a semi. He wasn’t sure how he had forgotten how hot Cas’s mouth was. Cas’s body had felt so muscular and firm and writhing… He tried to focus on walking, making sure he didn’t ‘accidentally’ return back to Cas’s to carry him into the bedroom.

As he sat back in baby, he realised he couldn’t quite wipe the grin off his face. It worked. He actually had got Cas back. Cas had kissed him and given another chance. God know why he did; Dean was sure he didn’t deserve it or Cas was going to tell him to leave. But he didn’t. Cas actually gave him a chance.

Sam slide into the passenger seat with an equally big grin on his face.

“I knew he was going to give you a second chance.” Sam laughed and playfully punched Dean in the arm.

“Shut up, it might not have worked.”

“Dude you were so smitten.”

“Shut up bitch.”

“Jerk.”

Even as he drove away from Cas’s apartment, his grin didn’t fade. He a tape into baby and pressed play. The quick guitar strumming of ‘Eye of the Tiger’ rumbled through the speakers, earning a groan from Sam. Dean started to mine along to the works as they joined the interstate.

 _“Rising up, back on the street_  
Did my time, took my chances  
Went the distance, now I'm back on my feet  
Just a man and his will to survive”

“Really Dean? This is the song you choose to sing?” Sam yelled over the lyrics and Dean’s singing.

“It’s a classic!”

“It’s cheesy!”

“ _It's the eye of the tiger, it's the thrill of the fight_ …” Dean sang dramatically as he drummed his fingers along with the beat on the steering wheel and Sam dramatically rolled his eyes.

Screw Sam; he would sing along as much as he wanted. He couldn’t remember the last time he let go of his inhibitions and sang along to Survivor. The last two months had been filled with worry and stress. In late December he had been driving to and from Sam’s death bed. Then, once Sam started to get better, he still was visiting Sam and the dark cloud of Sam’s health still hung over him and his family. Even when Sam was out of hospital, Dean was the one that had to ferry him everywhere and look after him. He didn’t regret a second of it, it was his job to take care of Sammy. He was good at it. But that didn’t mean that it wasn’t some of the hardest months that Dean had been through.

Just the memories of almost losing Sam made he feel on edge. The uneasy and cold feeling crept through his body as he remembered how dead Sam looked lying there in the hospital bed. His body was still, with just the whir of machines helping him to breathe giving any signal that Sam had been alive.

It was okay though. Sam was okay and sitting next to him.

Dean glanced over to his brother to see him now singing along to the final chorus. Dean happily joined him. Sam was better, Cas had taken him back and he felt happy.

 

-

Once they got back to Dean’s small house in Lawrence, he immediately went to text Cas. He had to make sure he hadn’t changed his mind, or just said those things to get him to leave.

 

_Hey Cas. Just checking that we’re good? Like you’re still ok with me and everything. Dean._

**Hello Dean. Of course I am. I’m pretty sure I made it quite clear. Unless you want to back out now? X**

_No_

_I mean, I don’t wanna back out. I want a second chance with u, I was just checking x_

**I can assure you Dean I look forward to seeing you soon. Perhaps we could set a date to meet up, if that would assure you further? My next free day is Sat 20 th if you are also free then? x**

_Yeah I’m free then, good plan. I’ll drive to you, I can pick you up at 12 and we could go for lunch?_

**That sounds good. It’s a date** **J x**

_It is. Thanks Cas x_

**Nothing to thank me for, I will speak to you soon x**

Dean smiled down at his phone. He was doing it; he was getting there. He was determined that he would get there with Cas. He placed his phone on the living room table, which was a mistake as it was immediately whisked up by Sam.

“Hey!” Dean made a lunge for his phone. “Give it back!”

“Dude, you’ve got a date.” Sam teased.

“Yeah and you’re going to have a black eye in a sec. Give it back!”

“Why the hell did you question him again? Dean I think you both made it pretty obvious what you both wanted.” Sam made kissing noises and wiggled his tongue disgustingly.

“Gross Sammy. Because he might have changed his mind. Like I didn’t know if he just said it to get me out of there or something.”

“Are you being serious? Dean, you want each other. You look great together. And you obviously love each other even if you are both too stubborn to admit it.”

“I don’t know if…”

“You don’t know if you love him?” Sam frowned and handed his phone back to him as he shrugged. “Maybe you don’t. Maybe I’m wrong. I don’t think I am cause the Dean Winchester I know wouldn’t go to all that trouble for someone who he didn’t think was worth it. So maybe you aren’t in love with him, but there is something there. You wouldn’t have bothered if there wasn’t something. I know you.”

Dean knew he loved Cas. There was something about that awkward and nerdy man that made Dean just want to be with him always. He was more than just friendship or liking someone. Realistically, Dean wanted everything with Cas, or at least before Christmas he had allowed himself to think of having everything with Cas. Now? It felt slightly different. He was more nervous, yet more determined to make this second chance count so that he could get his everything with Cas.

“We’ll just see what happens.”

Just as Dean spoke his phone buzzed. Dean was almost embarrassed at how his heart fluttered once he realised it was a text from Cas.

**Thanks for refilling my bedside draw for me. I hope that we will find that they will come to good use x**

Dean laughed; Cas had found the condoms. He had found his stupid favourite brand of condoms and hinted at using them with him. With him. He’d be able to have sex with Cas again, he’d be able to hold Cas again, he’d be able to just be with Cas again. He quickly typed out a text on his phone before putting it down and making dinner for him and Sam.

_You are very welcome. I’m sure they will ;) x_

 

-

 

By the time Saturday had come along, Dean was extremely nervous. He sat in baby outside Cas’s apartment trying to control his breathing. His knuckles where white as he gripped the tough leather of the wheel.

What if Cas no longer wanted him? What if he mucked it all up again? What if they didn’t get along? What if Cas was just joking when he set up this date just to get back at him?

He stepped out his car slowly and made his way to Cas’s door, the worry still racing through his brain. He knocked on the door, which was quickly opened by Cas who calmly smiled at him.

“You’ve been sitting in baby for a while.” Cas noted sadly. “I didn’t know if you would come in or not.”

“I was just nervous. I was worried you would change your mind or something.” Dean replied as he stepped into Cas’s apartment. They were already being all nervous and anxious around each other; it wasn’t like before. Before they were natural around each other. They were happy.

“You were worried if I was going to change my mind? Seriously? Dean I was watching you terrified that you didn’t really want to see me.”

“I want to see you very much.” Dean reached forwards and held Cas’s hands in his. “We need to sort this. We are both second guessing each other and this is never going to work. And I want this to work.”

“Okay.” Cas nodded and half dragged Dean to the sofa so they were both sitting on it.

“Do you want this to work?”

“Don’t ask stupid questions.” Cas replied with a roll of his eyes. “Of course I want it to work Dean.”

“Good. Then we need to be honest and talk or some chick flick shit like that okay?”

“Okay.”

“I will be the first to admit that I mucked up with this. I know I was bad to you and I’m not making any excuses for it. I was a dick. I took my stresses out on you and that wasn’t fair at all. And I am so sorry Cas.”

“You really don’t need to apologise Dean; we’ve been over this. You were in a situation that I wish on no one and you reacted how most people react to their doctors. It honestly doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter.” Dean leaned forward so that their foreheads were almost touching. Cas looked up to him from where he was leaning, his eyes round, blue and slightly crossed as his tried to focus on Dean. Dean smirked at this sweet sight and he pressed a kiss onto his fore head.

“Dean it really doesn’t matter.”

“It does.” He insisted. “It matters because you matter to me. You matter, therefore me being a dick to you matters and my apology should matter.”

“But I don’t matter that much Dean.” Cas replied in such a small voice, that it broke his heart.

“You matter a hell of a lot.” Cas shrugged in disagreement. “Talk to me. We need to get this out there.”

“I don’t want to sound petty and childish.” Cas frowned and pulled himself out of his hold. “It’s just… I’ll never be enough for you.”

“You are enough.”

“You’ll always put everyone above me Dean. And I don’t need to come first in your life, I’m not that clingy and don’t necessarily need that. But like, you’ll always favor Sam above me. I’ll never be good enough. My place will always be behind Sam, your parents, your other friends, and I’ll never be like them. And it isn’t an issue, I just have to get used to it.”

His mind tried to catch up. Dean didn’t quite understand what Cas was implying. Did he seriously think that he was the least important person in Dean’s life? Even worse, he actually seemed okay for that to happen in their relationship. That was not okay. Dean didn’t want that in his relationship.

“I don’t want you to be like Sam. I don’t want you be like my friend or parents.”

“But then I’ll never be good enough…”

“You are!” Dean found himself getting frustrated. It was his fault after treating Cas like his did, he just had to correct it somehow. “Fine, I will admit you aren’t like Sam, or my parents, or my friends. But you aren’t supposed to be. I want you to stand side by side with my family. I want you to be my boyfriend and my friend. I want you to be in my life as you are. And I will make sure to make room for you, because I want it. I can’t say that if one of them got in an accident or something that I would act differently, but I never want to do that again. If something like that happened, I would want you by my side. I needed you and I pushed you away. And that’s my fault, I know. But I just want you in my life now Cas.”

“You want me to be your boyfriend?” Cas smiled in surprise. Dean barked out a laugh.

“That’s all you got from that?” Cas grinned cheekily. “Of course I do. You are a geeky, awkward, sexy, clever man who I want as my boyfriend. As long as you’ll have me at least.”

“Yes. I want you to be my boyfriend also.”

“Good. But do you understand?”

“Do I understand what?”

“That you are enough. That you shouldn’t compare yourself to Sam or anyone, because I want you as you are, not anyone else. I want you as my boyfriend.”

“Okay.”

“Yeah?” Dean felt himself beaming, which was mimicked by Cas.

“Yeah. I mean, I don’t know if mentally I am quite there yet. However, I accept and understand what you are saying. And I trust you and that you are being honest.” Cas reached out and brushed his hand over Dean’s.

“Good enough for me.” Dean pulled him into his body. “I’m going to kiss my boyfriend now.”

“I think your boyfriend would be agreeable to that.”

Dean smiled as he pressed a soft kiss onto Cas’s lips and mentally celebrated as Cas kissed back enthusiastically. Perhaps it wasn’t perfect; he certainly wasn’t. But in that moment, it felt pretty close and he didn’t mind doing this for a long time; maybe even for the rest of his life. However, for now he just sank into the moment and let himself enjoy the feeling of Cas’s body pressing close against his. And even Dean could admit, he felt pretty damn happy.


	20. Epilogue

Epilogue:

 

One month later

Cas watched Sam and Dean walk on a head of him. He noticed that Sam still has a bit on a limp, even though his leg was pretty much healed, there was still a large amount of muscle wastage that Sam needed to build back up again. However, Cas was pretty sure that Sam would and could do this. Even at this stage, just 3 months after his accident, Sam had made remarkable recovery, not just with his leg, but with his brain injury also. Granted, he still wasn’t at 100%. Sometimes his movements were still slow and he wasn’t allowed to drive or play sport yet. However, he was allowed back to work as long as he continued with physiotherapists and occupational therapists once. Therefore, Sam had made the decision to continue his work and studies back in England.

He remembered when Sam brought this up to Dean. It was minor chaos. Sam had suggested that he returned to England whilst they were all watching tv one evening about a week after they had got back together. Cas highly suspected that Sam had sneakily brought it up with Cas there to buffer the situation slightly. Obviously, Dean’s first reaction was a resounding no. He had been angry and worried, which was expected. Eventually, Dean was persuaded by prolonged puppy dog eyes from Sam and a few persuasive actions from Cas.

And now, a few weeks later, they were all in the airport saying goodbye to Sam for another 5 months.

He could see that Dean was struggling with letting Sam go again. It was a very different relationship that Cas had ever seen before in brothers. Cas wasn’t even sure where two of his siblings even were in the country and hardly even had contact with them. Yet these two men had the closest bond between brothers that he had seen. They needed one another; it was obvious.

But Cas had found his place with Dean. After getting back together, they found that their relationship changed and worked out differently that it had before Christmas. Cas found himself settling next to Dean’s side and into his life. He wasn’t just a person that spend time with Dean every weekend, he became someone that Dean incorporated into his life. He was quickly introduced to Dean’s parents, his friends and even his colleagues. He was Dean’s boyfriend, and Dean was his. And they also needed each other.

That was how it had worked for the past month and it had definitely worked out okay. Sure, they had issues that they still weren’t exactly perfect. He still felt nervous that he wasn’t enough for Dean, that Dean could do much better than him. Dean also could be slightly stunted with his emotions and when something bothered him, Dean generally held it in and let his feels build up. But slowly Dean was allowing himself to open up to Cas more.  It wasn’t all smooth sailing, but they were on the same boat together, supporting each other.

Now, in the airport, Dean was nervously checking that Sam had everything. Sam basically replied by rolling his eyes at everything.

“Make sure you go to all the therapy appointments and don’t even bother trying to drive yet. Seriously just get the taxi number and get a cab everywhere. Don’t worry if it costs too much I can transfer you some money over if needed okay?” Dean lectured Sam.

“Yes, okay I get it. Don’t do anything stupid or anything. I know Dean. Contact you when I land. Call Mom and Dad when I’m back in my flat. Call Jess and ask her on a date. I got it Dean.” Sam tugged his suitcase away from Dean. “I better check in now really.”

Dean gave a small sigh and pursed his lips before he pulled Sam into a hug.

“Just be careful okay?”

“Of course bitch.”

“Jerk.” Dean pulled out a hug and gave Sam a playful pat on his face.

Sam turned and stepped towards Cas. He panicked slightly as he wasn’t sure if he should also give Sam a hug, or perhaps if that was a little too friendly. Of course, he really liked Sam; he was a great guy. But he had the bond with Dean, not necessarily Sam. However, in his moment of awkward panic, Sam pulled him into a brief ‘man hug’. As he pulled away, he murmured something to Cas, that was obviously not meant to be heard by Dean.

“He’ll say he doesn’t need looking after, but just keep an eye on him okay? And he could get scared like before, but just don’t let him run away okay? Cause you make him happy.”

Cas nodded in surprise more than anything. He hadn’t expected Sam to say that. It was unusual for Sam to speak to him directly without Dean, unless it was something to do with science or his work. He appreciated it greatly, and he felt quite honoured for Sam to actually say something to him about Dean. An overwhelming rush of pride and gratitude washed over him. It was up to him now to look after Dean. He could make Dean happy and Sam believed that too.

Sam mentioned him having to leave again and vaguely gestured at the queue forming for check in. Dean stepped forward and gave Sam a quick hug again. Sam awkwardly laughed but let Dean hug him one last time before he heaved his bag onto his back and waved his final goodbye.

“He’ll be okay you know.” Cas said once Sam was well out of ear shot. Dean smiled sadly and wrapped an arm around Cas’s waist. He leaned into the touch.

“But what if he isn’t? What if a crash happens again? Or if his head gets bad again? Or…” Dean was cut off momentarily by Cas pressing a kiss onto his lips.

“Dean, he is a grown man. He will be okay. And if he isn’t, we will deal with it when the time comes.” Cas comforted.

Dean sighed slightly as the watched Sam check his bags in. Sam turned back and gave then a cheerful wave before he made his way towards security and departures.

“I guess we better make a move then.” Dean said mournfully Sam disappeared out of sight. He slipped his hand into Dean’s and they made their way to the exit.

“Do you remember six months ago?” Cas pondered.

“Should I?”

“Yes.” Cas smiled as he watched the gears whirr in Dean’s mind.

“Give me a clue.” Dean whined as they sat back in baby.

“Six months ago, I think almost to the day, you took a certain holiday somewhere.” Cas teased.

“I haven’t been on holiday anywhere!” Dean protested. “Except to visit Sam of course.”

“That is the one I mean.”

“Wait… That means we met six months ago?”

“Yes Dean.” He smiled at Dean’s naïve surprise.

“Huh.” Dean drummed his fingers on the steering wheel a few times. “You know; I was so nervous that day.”

“I figured that out myself.”

“Yes well. I may not remember that it was six months ago to the day, which is a weird thing to remember by the way, but of course I remember meeting you. You looked like an accountant.”

“Hey!”

“A very hot, sexy, suave accountant. Who found my passport. Which I was extremely grateful for.” Dean reached to Cas from the driver seat and slide his hand into Cas’s; their fingers intertwining.

“You are very welcome. And I did not look like an accountant at all.”

“You so did, angel.”

“Also, we didn’t first meet then.” Dean looked at him in surprise. “I saw you when you checked in your bags and broke the machine! I was queuing for ages behind you!”

“It was only ten minutes!” Dean pointed out indignantly.

“Yeah and then you elbowed me in security, and held me up then also.”

“Oops…”

“And then you got a coffee and spilt it.”

“I didn’t know you saw all of that!” Dean rolled his eyes. “How an earth did you not think I was a total clumsy idiot? How an earth did we even start to get together?”

“You were a very gorgeous and endearing clumsy idiot. The gorgeous part worked in your favour.”

Cas looked at Dean who was gazing at him with a small smile on his face. It was looks like this that made him feel so truly happy and grateful that he was there, in the car with Dean. He knew he was never going to get tired of that look and how it made him feel.

“Sam will be okay you know.” He said gently to Dean. “Trust me. And you will see him in August anyway, it’ll be here before you know it.”

“I trust you.” Dean slotted the keys into baby and started the car up. “I love you, you know that right?”

“I love you too.”

The words fell out of his mouth as easy as it was to breathe. A few weeks ago when Dean had first said it to him, it was the most natural thing to reply back with the same. Cas hadn’t even had to think about it. Now he made sure he said it daily to Dean, even if it was over the phone or by text; it was said often. He leant back in the passenger seat and watched Dean carefully pull out of the parking bay and set off away from the airport.

It was funny how much could change in six months. What started off as a slightly awkward meeting in an airport had transformed into a loving and happy situation where he was sitting in Dean’s car driving back to Dean’s house. It hadn’t been perfect. That was obvious. But they were nearly there. And to Cas, as long and him and Dean were both happy and in love, which he was pretty sure they were, that was all that mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and finishing my fic! I hope that you liked it and it would be great if you could leave a comment/kudos.  
> Hopefully I will be writing more, and potentially even some follow up stories within this AU, so please follow me on AO3 to keep updated. Also remember to check out [pherryt](http://archiveofourown.org/users/pherryt/pseuds/pherryt), my wonderful artist.
> 
> Thank again to you all :)  
> x


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